Happy NU Year

whoo hoo. nu year folks. i have given up on resolutions.. i cant stick by them nor can i feel guilty over not sticking by it. though one resolution that i have never even attempted irritates me..and that is not learnign to drive. im quite scared of the traffic... and have this irrational(or may be not so irrational) fear that i will press the accelerator instead of the brake or something as intelligent as that.

now this is not to say that is going to be my life's ambition for this year. :P

i have never understood the need to celebrate days. birthdays/anniversaries/ new year and the like. if it is so good live life to the fullest everyday is my policy. one day is not really making a difference according to me. so at the back of my mind it hasnt really sunk in that one more year has gone by.

many things to be thankful for from the past year. friends (most who have become like family), brother (as much as i hate his guts:P), another degree:), and now a paying job. some how i never regretted a decision. not to say im overly positive and optimistic. just that every experience teaches you something. sometimes nicely, sometimes the hard way. either which way you fall/or not you learn. and im always open to any learning experience.

so hopefully this new year will start with more positive experiences.. and maybe a new cell phone :P

action replay.

25th dec'07
6.20 am (chennai central): all of us waiting to board train to bombay. no confirmed tickets. but we are hoping to floor the tt with our charm and wit.
7.00am: cant find tt. we are panicking just a lil bit. but are confident about the charm and wit bit.
7.05 am: tt tells us to go hang. after much begging and pleading, he tells us to board the train and the compartment and the berth issue can only be solved after we get to renigunta. coz apparently shite loads of people are going to board the train there. it takes approx 3 hours to get to renigunta.
8:00 am: train has left the station. and we are enjoying and stuffing face with all the food. tried to find tt. to go and beg some more. prayed like we have never prayed before.
9.45 am: tension mounting as there is no assurance that we have seats. and a one day train journey without confirmed tickets is plain hell.
10.00 am: the shite loads fo people enter the damn train as we halt at renigunta. not amused in the least. we realise tht there is no place for us to stand even, let alone sit and travel.

so we throw bags and baggage out at the station and jump pout of the damn train. which in itself was an ordeal as there were sooooo many people! sea of humanity is an understatement.

10.45 am: sitting at renigunta station with designer sunglasses and bags and attracting unwanted attention. finally fixed on a course of action. screw bombay. lets go to kodai.
11;00 am: we find out that the station is so fucking small that we cant cancel ur bombay tickets there and have to haul ass to chennai to do so.
12:30 pm: tickets are booked to go back home. and plans made to haul ass to kodai the next day.
1:00 pm: wstuffing face with the lunch we had taken. the yummiest curd rice can be had on a dirty station platform.
2:00 pm: board train and get back home.

so yesh we finally did haul ass to kodai. froze my ass off as well. if it rains in chennai i switch off the fan. so imagine my plight in kodai. but the trip was worth it.

sign out

alwite peeps. im off to amchi mumbai for Mood Indigo. essentially shopping and a muchly deserved break.


so see you folks on the other side. merry christmas everyone!

p.s: had a very trauma/ drama filled week. after i come back from mumbai if it is still pricking moi i shall blog.. (note: will mail u abt it jan :P)

time pass (mmm maybe not)

over the weekend saw 'i am legend'. the movie was total and complete and utter shite! i thought will smith, movie must atleast be half way decent. i actually expected a total action flick... and what we got was some crap. and more crap. to add the the joy there was some lady at the back who just kept screaming through out the film. if she wasnt screaming she was talking. and thereby i kept jumping off my seat all the time, courtesy her blood curdling screams. i admit the movie was scray in certain parts.. but nothing worth screaming for. the emotional high point of the film was when his dog dies. i almost cried. it was really sad. but the rest of the film siiggghhh.. i cant believe will smith acted in that crap.

i want to see 'khoya khoya chand'. and '1408'. andddd... k i dont have time for anything else will be heading to bombay soon you see :)

P.S:

to add to the sunshine and the joy the street styling that was done was liked by the head honcho in dilli. so life may not be so bad after all.

lil' miss sunshine

we are heading to Mood Indigo. Not participating in the fashion show, but we are headed to Mood I. and that is something to look forward to. its like a culmination of a semster. and despite the fights we are headed there more or less like a group. there is some simmering tension and dislike, but everyone is willing to forego the angst for a week of shopping, partying and IIT, powai (read: hawt punjabi bois!).

:D

big girls dont cry.

i have gone on and on about my mother being in denial about so many things in her life. and ill be quite the hypocritcal bitch if i didnt say that there are times (certain times only) when i pretend that i dont know whats going on. or i just turn away from the whole thing. and i would be lying if i said i didnt care. i do. and i know what is going on. and what im feeling. but i dont want to acknowledge it. excellent stuff or hindi films. or those god awful serials atleast.

sometimes you just want the moment to last. especially when everything is so damn transient! sometimes you realise that it may not be worth the effort. passion requires effort which im not prepared to show. or feel. and love requires and understanding and tact i dont understand or possess. or maybe this is something im in denial about. i think this is the crux of the problem. and im not interested in a solution.

ok im going to stop thinking about this and more importantly blogging about this. reading it gives me a head(heart?)ache.

heads up peeps.

a good phrend and homie has started her own blog on upcoming/ established indian artists, photographers etc etc

http://masalachaionline.blogspot.com/

please drop by when ever.

crossroads.

direction is very important. and not just to get from point a to b. but to figure out if you want to go from a to b, ot vice versa. and when you have passengers on board as well, it is even more important to agree on the direction. just because you both seem to be headed in the same direction, need not necessarily mean you are. assumption is just quite the bitch. and so is expectation.

at the beginning

the start is quite definitely the most difficult. every sunday at times i have to wonder what all has to be accomplished and kind of die with worry as to how the rest of the week will progress. i think it goes with the theory of fear of the unknown type of thing. ok that was a bit dramatic, but get the drift im sure. but when monday comes and goes by as today has i realise that it wasnt as bad as i thought it would be. not to say it was easy or stree free. but it wasnt so bad. and that i can deal with it and move on to the next day. and the next. the start is the worst, then it just gets better. or more importantly you get used to it. and hopefully one follows the other!

the winter of my discontent

this post will give new meaning to the term drowning in self pity. so those not interested in sob stories move on.

now for sob #1: not participating in 'adaa' (mood indigo) no money. not enough models. too much bickering. too many fights. sobbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb

sob #2: i think officially my life is going to be ending. by that i mean any last remains of a social life that i had going. its the same old shite of me and my 'i need my space issue'. though this time i think i will have all the space i want and no one to share it with. awesomeness i say!

sob#3: we had to do a 'street styling' for one of the head honchos in dilli. and there is no style on chennai streets. so we decided to work our own style on chennai streets. and well we went a bit over the top. and we are way past deadline so no time to reshoot. sobbbbbbbbbbb.

sob#4: i think i should figure out what it is i wana be doing later. say a few months down the line. and im still drawing a blank. i think with the money i made from my job, i should just shift to some small hut in goa and chill.

i cant deal with any more tears at the moment. im all cried out. literally and figuritively.
goodnight

p.s: going to tirupur over the weekend. so might do some shopping and the world may not seem to sad.

on track. just about.

mood indigo is happening or happening? is the question my dear. after round 10 of fights we have booked tickets. and now finalised theme and dresses. now we need to co ordinate some more regarding the only thing that will hold this together, and that is sponsors. since we are just perenially making presentations and not get gotten any money confirmed, lets see how this thing goes forth.
sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
though i want to go. especially to prove a point. quite petty. but i want to.
and ofcourse the shopping. :D

overdose

they say too much of anything is always a bad thing. (now dont go asking me who is this they) but yeah anyway.. so is too much passion a bad thing as well? passion for anything your job something you like.. someone you love.. whatever. but i have always thought that a little space/distance from everything always puts things into better perspective. or atleast a different perspective.

Baggit.

ok diwali has come and gone. and i spent diwali in college due to some lovely goof up but yeah.

k now to get to Rad's 'tag" about what we have in our handbags... :

vokay this post is like sooo relevant. because i just bought meself a huggee Moschino bag, and had to empty out the earlier one to flash my new bag around da place you see :P
now i have two bags. one i take to work (college) everyday and weighs a ton. and the other that i take when i socialise. so ill list the contents of both. i am quite jobless on monday as you can see.

ok the contents of the (waaayyy to heavy) college bag are *drum roll*:

• note book- overflowing with scraps of paper.
• Blue ball point pen.
• black ball point pen. ( no no no colour co ordination and the like, i thought i lost the blue one hence put a black one as well in the bag, while cleaning found both:)
• another notebook. this is for aesthetic purpose. it has a bright pink cover. :P
• sunglases. huge purple aviators.
• bright pink i pod nano + senheisser headphones (the damn funky ones that fold in to something really small.
• a book to read at the moment - Salman Rushdie's Imaginary Homelands.
• wallet. with like 20 bucks and nothing more than that :p
• tiny telephone book -contacts/address's etc. which i never open. its mostly there for show, cause yeah im that important
• tissue.
• keys to office desk.
• orbit white
• hard disk-80gb with the entire contents of presentations/college work etc.
• then the "make up bag" :) with lip balm, kajal, compact face powder, moisturiser, small perfume bottle.

k that is bag one. now you know why i need so much kapi to keep me going. i have tried to take out some stuff.. but everything seems important and well i like to hoard so yeah........

k socialising bag, which btw is also a moschino. i had some fur thingy..(faux/fake fur) but with the rain and all i thought best not to risk the bag any more than necessary:

so here goes , this one is waaay lighter. there is nothing in it almost *drum roll again*:

• kajal - black
• kajal- jade :)
• lip balm
• tissue
• compact face powder thingy
• perfume bottle
• then those tiny perfume testers (D&G 'Light Blue'/ Britney Spears 'Fantasy')
• wallet. with way more money than 20 rupees. :)
• ball point pen
• sunglasses - huge aviators in bronze- which i bought yesterday and are my pride and joy as of now :P
• sony cybershot digi cam. (i just ADORE photos. being in them and taking photos. the camera is perenially in the bag :)

so yeah that about sums it up. if indi and jan are jobless enough i would like you to attempt this. :)

GROAN

i have been sick. quite sick. fainting in college type sick. but im still in college because.. well because i have taken too many holidays otherwise. ;(

aside from that diwali is coming up like in a few days... and well i have'nt shopped, thought about diwali even. i think full last minute shopping..

and if i dont post anything over the week.. Happy Diwali to everyone. ;)

Bheja fry

finished watching "life in a metro" was a decent film. goin to watch cheeni kum today.

i am reading salman rushdie's "imaginary homelands" and everytime i read it i am reminded of all the concepts that i learnt during my 3 year tenure as a literature student. i dont know if i am able to appreciate the essays better because of my literature grounding (in terms of concept and background) or if the over analysing the book is killing it..

actually that has been a sore point during the course itself. i louuve to read. and will read anything. but as a student you cant read for the love of reading. you have read a book and analyse it in terms of theme, background, history, author/poet/essayist, author's history/background, era, socio economic factors, symbols. etc etc.

so inevitably we would read it merely for the analysis aspect of it. we were given a couple of pointers to look for while reading and that is all we did. i did read dozen of books and remember them as well.. but how many did i enjoy i cant really say..

synopsis

just narrowly missed some more media publicity. this time from makkal tv. now this channel i havent even heard of. so anyway they wanted to conduct a 15 minute session on how the fashion course empowers women. point to be noted it was all supposed to be in tamil!! anyway they decided they didnt want my brilliant sound bytes.. so that is that.

just saw half of "life in a metro". im really loving it. especially the songs.

and finished reading 'harry potter and the deathly hallows'. finally. didnt cry like i did for the previous two books. though i thought the ending with harry having children and the like killd it.. but yeah.

now goin to watch rest of "life in a metro."

15 mins of fame

ever since i have joined college (student/ faculty) i have been either modelling or come on television. this is not to say that i like the attention. im quite happy standing on the sidelines and watching the show. im very happy being the person behind the camera rather than infront of the camera. so yesterday jaya tv had come to college to shoot a segment of the students for mrs.homemakers. the students have to style 20 ladies for a reality show which will be aired from the 26th oct. which is basicaly from today onwards. the grande finale will take place on 21st Nov and that will be an onstage event like a regular beauty pageant.

so anyway yesterday the crew came to shoot the segment, and it was supposed to be a small segment with the students explaining some sari drapes and the styling that the students will be doing on the final day. as the lovely day dawned i thought i would leave mid way as i was sick. viral fever and the like. but what was supposed to be a small segemnt became a two hour affair with the contestants "ramp walking" in the classroom and more than the 20 mins of sound bytes from a very sick baliga. why they wanted me on camera was beyond me. i didnt have anything to do with the whole thing.

though photos of the students work over the past few years in college as well as styling for the finale all have been showcased along with me blabbering in english, which will be dubbed in tamil for the viewers.. thye actually wanted me to speak in tamil for the segment.. which would have been hilarious.. you tube stuff even.. :P

though feeling better and still dying with the after effects of ze fever..

building blocks.

i think i should add building 'castles in the air' to my skill sets in the resume. if i go by what i had planned for myself and where i see myself.. with 5 year plans all chalked out nice and neat i would have taken over some small country or something.. sigh. but the catch being they are all in my head. in reality i cant seem to show enough passion for most things in life. i mean i have a lot of interests and i want to do a lot of things. but setting them in motion seems like such a task. i know "they" say the start is the most difficult. but some where down the line i tend to lose the fire that in started the venture with. not to say ill bail out. ill last it through if i have to but the interest would have died..

and i also realised that people matter quite a bit to me. not too many people but the few who get under my skin seem here to stay. and for those few im willing to do whatever it takes. i dont see the point in making a lot of money if there is no time and no one to spend it with.

im hoping soon enough id find something that i truly want to do.. and something id feel so passionately about to last through the good bad and ugly. while at the same time have those precious few around to share it with. hopefully.

incomplete

i strated reading 'the unbearable lightness of being' over 2 months back. and never got to finishing it. this is the second book in my whole life that i have left mid way. The introduction was brilliant. but somehere down the line i lost the inclination to complete the book. though from the first 4 pages of the book two things have stayed with me:

• first is Neitzsche's concept of eternal return :

What, if some day or night a demon were to steal after you into your loneliest loneliness and say to you: 'This life as you now live it and have lived it, you will have to live once more and innumerable times more' ... Would you not throw yourself down and gnash your teeth and curse the demon who spoke thus? Or have you once experienced a tremendous moment when you would have answered him: 'You are a god and never have I heard anything more divine.' [The Gay Science §341]

Eternal return (also known as "eternal recurrence") is a concept which posits that the universe has been recurring, and will continue to recur in the exact same self-similar form an incomprehensible and unfathomable number of times. - Botyh quotes taken from wikipedia.

• second the concept of life being a sketch. the basic idea is that if life is sketch and we assume/ presume that we have only one life to live. then something done only once, could not/ need not have happened at all. a very pessimistic view as far as i see it. but it is an interesting concept.

i tend to read books, watch movies/ plays essentially for the concept and execution of the concept. i can read anything, and very few books tend to impress me concept wise.. ever since i have completed my loving course in literature i cant seem to just read things.. i tend to analyse them.. and conceptualise them... this is quite frustrating at times.

MOOD i :)

our 2 themes for mood i :

• one is music based. be inspired by a music genre/ artists/ styling etc and create ur own interpretation of the whole thing. rock/ pop/ hiphop/ country/ oriental/ regional etc etc. should be easy right? wrong. this where we have come up with the most cliched ideas ever. sigh. back to the drawing board with this one.

• second is based on "opposites attract". polarities. right/ wrong, good/ bad, white/ black, yin/yang. on this one we have a very very decent theme. and we have the styling et all figured out :)

now its a matter of putting across our concept decently. and having fun in mood i. minus the fights hopefully.

sing for the moment.

certain songs have always filled with a certain type of emotion. if its sad/ melancholic then i feel sad/ depressed automatically. though i might have been the happiest person on the planet right uptill then. and certain songs never fail to make me upbeat and lift my mood irrespective of how sad i have been. music has mostly influenced my moods/ mood swings. not vice versa. and not to say these mood swings last too long. after the song im fine. just during the duration of the song ... its like i become some one else.. and off late its these totally bollywood numbers that have been getting me happy/ sad as the case maybe :P

ohh and tomorrow is a holiday, being ayudh puja and the like :) after a loong time a phull weekend (sat and sun). wheeeeeeee :D

a walk to remember.

everytime i go for a walk to boat club road i am remembered of the countless times i have gone there with a good friend of mine. we used to go there everyday between 5-7 and, just walk. and ofcourse gossip for the entertinment quotient. the houses in the lane are simply superb. and all we used to do aside from the gossiping was oogle at the houses! if not the houses then the dogs. (no the men are quite ugly) i remember even being bitten by one such loving dog on christmas no less. but the memories that the lane conjures up are myriad. and each one is special. the houses, dogs, people. the gosip sessions on the road. then going into boat club and eating icecream, thereby defeating the actual purpose of the walk... all brilliant.

yesterday i went for a walk after a long time. and i realised that i havent been out to that road to just talk a walk in forever! and instead of the usual one hour that i had planned on walking i ended up walking for 2 straight hours. by the time i reached home i was dying from the walk. but was so worth the effort.

simple pleasures.

mood indigo ground work to start in full swing from tomorrow. and its quite amazing to note that a year has gone by. and so frigin fast at that. last year the whole bunch of us were so disinterested in going. and there were oh so many fights. this year i cant say anything about them fights. they will def happen. but we are all excited about the whole thing. plan to shop. shop shop. attend all the concerts/performances. and hope to see them hawt punjabi boys again :) ahhh the joy called life. :)

watte bootiful life.

i swear life cant get better than this. Saturday we had a fashion shoot for like 5 hours. where i modelled. which was brilliant fun. then sunday, monday(due to bandh) and tuesday(gandhi jayanti) holiday! i love this long weekend. i actually thought i would haul ass to bangalore or something. but didnt.. but yeah. i still slept late. got up later. ate. slept. ate. slept. tv. music. ate. tv. :)))) and there is still one more day to go! wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

overload.

the college has been invited to design the costumes for the entire duration of an event. the event in question is a mrs.chennai type thingy. and the students are incharge of the costumes and the styling for all ze ladies from the start to the finale. im very apprehensive about the whole thing considering the amount of resposiblities that the students have to undertake. but they seem very keen to work on the entire project. so im not going to be a wet blanket on the whole thing. if possible pictures will be updated.

subject matter.

"Dont explain yourself to anyone.

the ones who love you dont need it.

and the ones who need an explanation shouldnt matter"

how i wish everyone would just follow this. its soooo irritating having to answer people. the minute i feel i 'need' to give people an explanation i tend irritated. one thing that i really detest is telling people what i have been upto, where i have been, what im doing etc. etc. when people i dont give a rat's ass for asks such questions i give vague answers. there by leading to more specific questions regarding what i have been upto. leading to more vague answers. its a vicious cycle i say. that's not to say that just because i love you i can deal with questions. im more tolerant if i love you thats about it. the thing is that the people who matter just know whats going on in you life without any explanations. those who dont know well...

i have a problem with authority. i think that sums it up.

Tagged

7 random facts about moi. hopefully they will be intersting as well :P

• i am not particularly intersted in making new friends. i might seem outgoing. social.. blah. but when u meet someone and you have to be nice (all over again), open your self up... at times its not just worth the effort. i quite happy with having just the few in my life..

• i like my space more than people.sounds highly bitchy yes i know. but its quite true. and if i had to choose i would choose my space.. that way i can decide who i let in.. i cant even deal with meeting people on a regular basis, though i can be in constant touch through sms's/msn/ emails/mail.

• i dont like skirts/dresses.its not about the length. i would gladly wear short shorts.. but somehow i never quite took a liking to skirts or dresses.

• i get bored very easily.i cant sit through a movie. i cant be with a person (any person) for more than a couple of hours. i cant listen to the same kind of music for too long. and say im depressed after about an hour i get 'bored' and im back to my usual self.. (not to say i am ms. sunshine.. but you get the drift.) maybe this has got to do something with a short attention span or smething..

• five minutes in any moving vehicle is enough to lull me to sleep. though i have a particular fondness for cars :P

• im scared of crossing roads.. its traumatic for me.. i always have the feeling that im going to get run over... so stop with the laughing. btw, i think its just that im scared of traffic cause i havent learnt to drive as yet...

• i dont like crowds. and i hate being in the spotlight. hence i detest going out for dinners. there seem to be so many people around you, that i cant concentrate on the food or the conversation. even at a coffee place i always. always choose the side tables.. its like i want to disappear into the walls or something.. and if theres is no side table i prefer takeaway rather than sit in the centre and not be able to enjoy my kapi.

and i tagggg??

Ok.

Rads.

be nice and indulge me :)

see you on the other side.

this seems to be the damn year for marriages! all my close friends have been married or are getting married. and i so dont want to even think about the concept. but it seems to scary that everyone is so comfortable with the idea of spending their whole life with one person. i have so many doubts and insecurities. not to mention the fact that i get bored very easily, people or otherwise. and now the quintessential question is when are you getting married? im like what makes you think i want to get married?? quite surprisingly this hasnt yet come from my mother. father is just plain scared to broach the topic with me. its the people around us asking such brilliant questions. they dont really seem to have a life or even a semblance of it, especially since all they want to know is when i want to get married.

on the brighter side though, we have called to be apart of Mood Indigo, in the fashion show yet again :) Mood Indigo conjures memories. some awesome. some not so awesome. but overall a very memorable trip. the 60 odd photos i had taken is testimony to that fact. this year hopefully we will have as much fun, minus all the drama. so yay!

oh snap.

i think i tend to fuck things up for myself more than anyonelse ever can. i care when its not necessary. and dont give a shit when its due. im so indifferent at times i think it drives people mad. and inevitably driving them away... or worse makes things highly ambiguous. i dont realise who i am getting attached to, and who really matters till its almost over. and at this point i dont know what i want any more. and whats more freaky everyone around me seems to know exactly where their life is headed and what they want out of it. i think if i just figured what i expect from life i should be ok. but that means being very honest with oneself. which i am not ready for at the moment. and to add to the joy i have parents who want to know what my future plans are. its not that i need an entire 5 year plans mapped out. but i just need to figure out a vague direction.

whats even more brilliant, over the last couple of days i just figured out im not as indifferent as i thought. i need people (some. certain people ;), i need to know i am not alone. i need to know that i have some sort of support. and this this just sums up a really fuck all introspective week from hell.

i need a drink right about now.

a walk to remember.

first off all i celebrated teachers day as a teacher :)

now back to the post. the day before teachers day i was taking my lovely walk in the blazing sun. usually i go for a walk between 1-2. but due to some crappy budget work i took the walk around 3. as i was walking i realised that the person coming towards me was my old teacher from stella maris. :) my first reaction was to not ackowledge her. not out of any 'attitude' problems. but the simple reason that i did not think she would remember me. i am one of those average students who do their work dilligently and leave. i am not the naughty one in class neither am i the brilliant soul. i like to blend. standing out isnt exactly top priority so i didnt think she would remember me. and she was the strictest teacher that we had, and we were all scared of her. but we all wanted her approval as well. :P so as i am walking towards her i decide to say hi.

me : hi mam. how are you? do u remember me?

mam: hello! of course i remember you. i tought you for 3 years!

what have you been upto?

me: im teaching now (with big smile)

mam: really? brilliant. and how is it going?

me: very frustrating mam. but a good experience at the same time.

mam: (with her usual ambiguous smile) good good. now you know life on the 'other side'

me: yes mam can see your enjoying my plight.

after this point mam left, and i continued on my walk. but the fact that she remembered who i was has put me on cloud # 9. its quite amazing how the small things make me happy :) that really did make my day.

work it.

and im (re:) joining gym today. its at the end of the damn lane yet i can never seem to haul ass to gym. maybe this around ill actually get fit. and use the membership. now if there was only some motivational factor like hawt boys with hawter bodies to haul ass for. but sighhh nothing along those lines.

we are a family.

im searching for apartments. i need to leave my lovely house. peace of mind is hard to come by even with two floors in a huge independent house. though now comes the hard apart to telling father dearest that i am leaving. i think he might just disown me after this fight. mother just exists. she never seems to have an opinion of her own. father thinks he owns the rest of us. we got a good family set up going.

in the midst of this the entertainment is that brother is the stud muffin in the phamily. his new girlfriend is from pakistan. :) if father found out i might be the only child. or orphaned. actually maybe not. parents have a hypocritical attitude towards the whole, hes a boy let him be. shes a girl what will other people think shit going on. so anyway... now apart from kiwi (short for karachiwalli as i louving call her) there are is another new love in brothers life. :) and he blushes like a gurl :PPP its good fun to trip on him. apparently they kiwi and him even have a song of their own. brother gets very soft an managable when he is in love. and i louuve telling him how cuuutteee he looks blushing. and brother gets very offended as he is 6'3" and huge. and i keep calling him a cuddly teddy bear. i did this in public much to his horror and disbelief. And brother dearest turned 21 on saturday. so god save the world now that he is legal to do whatever he wants.

lets talk.

i dont think father and his children namely brother and me are destined to get along. i have waaayy to much attitude when it comes to the man. and he assumes that he still has some control over us. yesterday's "conversation" came out of nowhere. point to be noted father and me do not see each other on a regualr basis. hes a workaholic and im plain anti social where family is concerned. yesterday i had not goen to work, and father had just arrived from one of his innumerable business trips. we were watching tv in peace, when all of a sudden he decides to ask me about my future. my goals. my ambitions. blah blah. im looking at him incredulously cause we never talk! and now he wants to bond. i get all defensive and not answer the questions. after a point i kinda lost it with the man. " What do you plan to do after this?, what are your future goals?" and im like " are you funding me for anything?" father was like do i need to fund you to ask the question. then came the icing on the cake " what is our relationship?!" father asked. " nothing." pat came my response. and i must admit this came quite out of reflex than anything else. so you can imagine the line of thought/conversation.

i was gunning for a new laptop from father. but i dont think any of that will be happnign ever. and he managed to connect 5 different things and now if i push this furthur the existing one i have also will be taken away.

the thing is usually i get upset with every fight and sit and cry like a 2 year old. but this time i really did not get what the man is pissed off about. quite honestly we donot have any relationship what so ever. i never see him and hence see no need to bond with him when i do see him. father seems to be in his own sweet world if he thinks daughter or son for that matter has any attachment towards him. this i think came as a rude shock for daddy dearest.

point is, if you donot invest and work towards a relationship(or a semblance of one) how can you expect anything out of it??

curiosity killed the cat.

yesterday i was chatting with a good friend (mango dearest :) and it was sooo nice to connect with someone after all the idiots around you. just chilling with her in the class made me realise that i am not cut out for social gatherings that require you to make small talk with a drink in your hand. infact too much small talk might drive me to the drink. i have always thought that to get to know someone you would have to get to know them for atleast a little while.. say a couple of months? and i mean really know a person.. im not talking superficial nonsense. point is that while i was chatting with her she tells me that her boyfriend told her that i seem the person to fall in love hard. which no one i know would ever say since i come across like a badass bitch 24/7. i was really taken aback. especially since i have never really chatted with the boy. so i asked her what made him think that.. and she said he figured this out from a conversation that lasted approximately 5 mins (and that i dont remember at all!) in pune atleast 8 months ago. now i was even more intrigued. though that was the end of that conversation. the thing is that he is spot on in his assessment. except i have no idea how he figured that out, especially since in soo indifferent to all and sundry unless i really like them.. i need to chat with the boy like now!

learn to uhhh drive?

and since im quite comfortably bored ill entertain you all with a story of when baliga learnt to drive. ok i never learnt but got close to it. so anyway a friend and moi decided to go to periamedu and get him a leather wallet. me being the oh so haute fashionista is supposed to know all the hot spots for clothes and like. but the thing is along with the place i should know the directions to the place. i must say i am quite good with directions. usually i can remember a place after travelling there just once. but, well there is an exception to every case. and of course the friend in question does not know the way. annnd his car is acting up. he took over an hour to come in the first place. anyway so we set out to get the aforementioned wallet. except i got a tad bit confused with the left and right turns. and so we had to double back to get to the place. we were on the main road in Park Town and at the U turn is when the lovely car battery died! we tried to get people to push the car but they were all being such pricks and refused to help. so my friends ingenious idea is to get me to drive the car while he pushes it.

a couple of points to be considered: i dont know how to drive. that aside im afraid of the traffic. this si the main road. and the car has stalled at the U turn. and well im afraid of the damn traffic!

ok now back to the fun stuff. i got out and sat in the drivers seat. except i dont know how to drive. i think i have mentioned that point before. though friend tries to give me a crash course in driving. after seeing my horror stricken face he decided not to risk his car getting damaged beyond repair. so we got out and pushed the car to the side. and decided to decently call the tow truck.

i did not learn to drive. though i learnt that maybe i should never attempt driving. or learning to drive. and the friend in question refuses to teach me to drive even under less stressful circumstances. not that i want to learn anyway. but yeah. all in a days work.

match point.

i think i have sent the budget 7 times. and counting actually. if i see ms excel any more i will cry. ill admit maths does not get me high, but the point is i can follow instructions. these instructions dont come in time. we send the budget. then it gets 'edited'( read reduced) and sent back. then i edit and send it. so on and so forth. its like a twisted version of a tennis match. sigh. today i sent it the 8th time. and then the internet connection died so i dont know if it has been edited.

organised chaos.

on saturday there was an event in spencers to promote my lovely college. im not going to say it was the most organised event. neither am i going to say it was brilliant. it was quite ordinary. the studetns had to make a marble painting on a vinyl base and display it. it was a 60 foot greeting card that the students painted on and it was diaplyed from the 2nd floor of spencers. it was also done to celebrate 60 years of our louvely independence. you would have probably seen the picture in the newspaper. if not then sunday hindu 2 nd page main paper :P like said before it wasnt the most organised event. but it was def the most fun. everyone went mad with the paint. and at the end of the whole evetn everyone was plastered with the paint. which incidentally was saffron, and green. there wasnt too much to take care off. and we had a blast. pictures will be duly uploaded. the awesome bit was that everyone pitched in at the end to complete the greeting card. and everyone did their part and then some more. and no one complained. kudos to all my 'students' :)

bollywood/hollywood.

i read an article in 'The Hindu' yesterday about how 'Bollywood' with its unrealistic hype and lack of content has pushed regional cinema t the periphery. the movies that deserve recognition and praise are not even heard of. indian film festivals are a joke and waste fo time and space. not to mention money. celebrities in bollywood seem to have a problem with the title of the hindi film industry being called so. why they have a problem is beyond me. because most of bollywood scripts are "inspired" from hollywood. stunts, and music blatantly plagiarised. when there is such a dearth of originality why would they have a problem? bollywood wants to go global. apparently box office success isnt enough. now they want to appeal to the masses who can think as well. the few films that are original are labelled 'art films' and donot have a market. either in terms of marketing or distribution. but quite surprisingly there is an audience.

bollywood should start thinking out of the box. and realise the star isnt the king, the customer is. and the customer is educatde. so stop feeding us rehashed drivel. then maybe they could take offense to the term bollywood.

in the end.

irrespective of how bad things were. irrespective of how bad things are. at the end you tend to remember the good times. the laughter over the sadness and the joy over the pain.

philosophy at its besht.

"Dont bite the hand that feeds. But, do so if it prevents you from feeding yourself."

i cant remember who said this but well that man is bluddy brilliant i say. mother and father beg to differ. esp since i have quoting him non stop for the past two days. :P

words of wisdom

i adore conversations with father. the one we had on sunday was nothing short of hilarious. parents had gone to pondicherry on saturday and father messaged asking what i wanted from there. i replied bacardi breezer lime flavour. on sunday when they got back

father: 'dont let me catch you with a drink'.
me: i wont let u catch me with one. dont worry.
father: archana. (this is his serious tone now) i dont want you to drink the breezer.
me: i wont drink your breezer. tho, point to be noted, i am 22 i make my own money now. you think i cant buy my own drink?
father: i dont want you to drink.
me: i am 22. i make my own money now. you think i cant buy my own drink?

father left after that.

p.s: i dont drink. i dont see the point in it. im quite content dancing or worse comes to worse socialising. but father needs to learn its a free world. and he isnt the king.

overdose.

yesterday night was dublin's 5th anniversary celebrations. not that i give a shit either way, but Dj Aqueel was brought in specially from bombay to entertain us. as far as i saw it.. the music should have been a mix of desi(read overdose of bollywood) and hip hop. hence i even thought of going. but it wasnt quite what i expected. the dj didnt start playing till some 12 in the damn night. and when he did he talked and talked. and talked. he talked between tracks. he paused the mixing to talk. like what the facck man? of course to add to the misery he played the same bollywood numbers like a zillion times. and he made all the hip hop numbers(the songs i love) into ultra sad bollywood bhangra songs. and towards the end say about 2, we ended up listening to an overdose of crappy house music. and the price for 'enjoying' crap music and 'being entertained' men who cant dance two grand. sighhh im quite broke now as well.

and considering i slept at 3 and had to get up at 7 for work im quite awake.. thought i would have died off on the desk by now..

just another manic sunday.

it was just a regular sunday. father as usual went to the factory. i got up late. and the day was going on fine. because of hardcore partying on saturday i slept of around 4 in the evning. something i never do. at about five mother is screaming outside my room. and creating a ruckus. even uptill this point there is nothing wrong. except i open the door and she is hysterical.

father was coming back from the factory and there was a huge crowd and police gathered at the bridge overlooking the adyar river. so he asked what happened, a guy was rowing on the adyar river(for those who are wondering what river it is our lovely cooum) and the boat capsized and the the guy never surfaced. the question was who the guy was. father called home and asked where my brother was. brother dearest goes rowing every evening on the same river. mother answered boat club. but mum being mum was immediately suspicious. she asked a zillion questions and harassed father enough for him to tell her about the guy who's boat had capsized. mother immediatey started calling and no one was picking up the phone. which is why she started banging on my door. so the calls went back and forth untill father finally called saying that brother was in the gym. and everything was a-ok.

they searched for the body the whole of yesterday. the search was called off at 11 in the night. and resumed today again at 7. the guy who had drowned yesterday at 5, his body was found today evening at 4. he is 25 years old, and had come to practice for a Merchants N Bankers regatta.

i guess you never realise how much something/someone means to you, until it is taken away from you. its quite amazing how much i take everything and everyone in my life for granted.

soak up the sun.

i never realised how much i enjoy the sun and sunshine and the like. aside from the fact that i love beaches and love the outdoors/nature and all. but, staying cooped up in an air conditioned office from 8 till 4.30 made me realise how much i loooouve the warmth. not to say that the ac temperature thingy is too low.. but still. so during lunch break i go for a walk. yes at 2 in the afternoon i go for a walk. there are a lot of trees in this area.. and it is relatively shady. so i walk. and yesterday i found out that my friend is equally bored, plus she stays close by. so during lunch break i walked to her place and drank nimbu pani then walked back. and she said i can come over every lunch break. so yay! i guess i can add sunshine (24/7, 365 days of the year;) to the reason why i lowe madras.

jolted.

k im going to amuse one and all with a story from my mangalore trip. we had gone to this beach in surathkal. the beauty if the beach lies in its seclusion. even on a sunday there are no more than 5 people on the damn beach. (pics have been duly uploaded http://fotoframez.blogspot.com/ here). and i love this place. like said its beautiful by itself.. and when the monsoon comes the place is gorgeous. for those wondering where surathkal is, it is half an hour drive from mangalore. and the beach is situated on the left hand side of the national highway. on the right is the path leading upto my grandmothers house.

so anyway moving onto the amusement. we had gone to a shive temple situated on top a small hil.. its a small hill when u climb steps. but anyway we climb to the top. and i realised i cant pray. for some reason. i just cant pray. so i stood there. the priest was giving me the dirtiest of looks possible since i was wearing (gasp!!!) shorts. no bindi. and with my short hair i was the devil incarnate. so i just started wandering around the temple.. from behind the temple there is a path leading to a sitout which over looks the beach. and lo and behold if ur into rock climbing and the like u can climb up from the beach and enter the temple.

we decided to go down to the beach from our precarious positions on the cilff. and we managed to go down (unlce, 2 small cuzins and me) without a single incident. we reached the base of the hill and took photos and all. then we noticed more rocks along the beach and decided to go furthur and 'explore'. do note it has been raining like a biyaaach and the rocks are all slippery. yeah i think i took the mystery out of this one right about now. but indulge me. as we were planing to go up the hill to reach the temple(the rock climbers in us raring to go). there was an enormous wave. and before i could steady myself, i fell straight on my ass. i not going to beat around the bush. it hurts. badly. and i couldnt get up fast enough so i got drenched by another enormous wave. thankfully there was no one on the beach to witness us climbing up the hill with me looking like a rag doll.

now you would think that since i fell on my ass there should be enough cushioning to prevent any bodily harm just a sore ego and the like. but wronggg.apparently i hit the rock hard enough to not be able to bend. but on the bright side i didnt break anything. and managed to climb up the damn rock. and ate bhelpuri also.

its a whole other story that i was drenched. shivering. and in total and complete pain.

she will be loved.

' just cause im the last to leave does not mean ill always be there'
- Thangu. (moi frend;)

this line is soo true.. especially when your in a relationship. people tend to take each other for granted. and respect for personal space and the like is lost. it is important to maintain a life outside the relationship. say one day it comes crashing down what have you got if you distanced yourself from all other support systems?

sigh.

"we all purchase our dreams one way or the other. "

Hello

im sitting at my own damn desk. cause its my first day at work :). not some crappy internship but like a job y'all. i work as design faculty+co-ordinator at my lovely college. and this is brilliant cause its not a very hectic job. hence i can freelance with designing the rest of the time. considering that im on blogger and 500 other online sites on the first day of work should tell you something :D

just got back from mangalore and realised that i have absolutely no love for most of the members of my community. which i see as a good thing. pictures of mlore and the like will be put up.

LOL!!!!!!!

a sign outside my parents room .

"this is a good house. when its vacant."

we just might be related. :PPPP

bored.

• has anyone seen 'Little Ms Sunshine'?? its not too great a concept. same dysfunctional american family storyline.. but there is a very very poignant scene towards the end between the brother and the sister. and moi couldnt help sobbing my eyes out. maybe this has something to do with the fact that my own brother and me had a huge fight and havnt spoken a word ot each other for the past month.. but that scene just had me all teary eyed. (which does not usually happen)

• and 'Temptations Of the West'- Pankaj Mishra is a crash course in politics. after Butter chicken in Ludhiana this was quite unexpected. not exactly something i can read continuously.. but nice never the less.

• fashion show work is dragging like a biyyaaach. the dyeing work has been done. printing and stitching remaining and the show is supposed to be next week. i am sooo screwed. sigh

• i am a bit obsessed with the song called 'Nagin-the lady cobra' - Decibel. its not available on lime wire any suggestions where i can get it? audio not the video.

and esp since i have so much work i decide to devote all of my "free" time online randomly checking out blogs and dying on every instant messenger service.

:D

indulgence.

@ Rads: im actually bored outta mind and have nothing what so ever to write/blog about.. oh ill def indulge you.. :)


Here are the rules:
1. Players start with 8 random facts about themselves.
2. Those who are tagged should post these rules and their 8 random facts.
3. Players should tag 8 other people and notify them they have been tagged.


8 random facts.. hmmm though for those who have been (if there people:P) reading my blog you should have figured this out by now.. anyway im on an indulgence spree so what the heck:


1. i am a bundle of contradictions.

what you see is not necessarily what you get.. though 98% of times i am just me.. somtimes.. just sometimes the indiffrnce is a facade.

2. i am not particularly intersted in making new friends.

i might seem outgoing. social.. blah. but when u meet someone and you have to be nice (all over again), open your self up... at times its not just worth the effort. i quite happy with having just the few in my life..

3. i like my space more than people.

sounds highly bitchy yes i know. but its quite true. and if i had to choose i would choose my space.. that way i can decide who i let in.. i cant even deal with meeting people on a regular basis, though i can be in constant touch through sms's/msn/ emails/mail.

4. i dont like skirts/dresses.

its not about the length. i would gladly wear short shorts.. but somehow i never quite took a liking to skirts or dresses.

5. i am more afraid of losing my friends than anyone else in this world.

my friends are like family to me.. they totally understand me.. and more importantly never judge me. i would quite happily do anything for my friends.. though i really cant the same about my family. (and i mean this in the nicest way possible.. no 'teenage angst' type crap).

6. i get bored very easily.

i cant sit through a movie. i cant be with a person (any person) for more than a couple of hours. i cant listen to the same kind of music for too long. and say im depressed after about an hour i get 'bored' and im back to my usual self.. (not to say i am ms. sunshine.. but you get the drift.) maybe this has got to do something with a short attention span or smething..

7. i ADORE coffee and my sleep.

coffee according to me is a food group. i like strong filter kapi, boiliing hot and, with very little sugar. lots of it. i can manage without food. but take away my coffee and there will be hell to pay. when it comes to me sleep.... i can stay awake till 5 in the morning quite comfortably.. but cannnot get up earlier than 11 even if there is a national emergency taking place. dont quite know how that works.. i need my 8-9 hours daily.. whch really isnt possible considering i got college at 8 and i sleep at 3 :(

8. :) uhh i love shopping.

ok no big surprise there. mother dearest feels that if i go into the forest i will manage to buy firewood and come back. her words not mine. retail therapy is the besht! and i dont need to buy.. as long as someone is buying im quite happy. i think it has to do with burning hard earned (fathers in my case:) cash. ill accompany who wants to go shopping. and i can shop for hours... and shop for anything. ill even do one day shopping trips to bangalore if im sick of the shopping scene in chennai.

and that is that. now for the tagging bit.. i dont know 8 people who blog on a regular basis. so i tag :

schmetterling.
mr. rationality.
janani.

:)

"i think therefore am single"

- by a phrend. :P

untitled.

uhh happy birthday to me?? very sad day. a huge exam tom. no cake. none of my frends (cept vysh) is here.. and well no cake!!

bye.

A thing of Beauty.

the beauty of unrequitted love is probably in the idealism and fantasy of it. its probably in the 'what could have been'. 'cause at the end of the day reality can be a real bitch at times.

PHEW!

and Ftv is back! :D

age of enlightenment.

" just be careful. and, donot get emotionally attached" this is brilliant advice coming from a very very dear friend who was a staunch supporter of the institution called marriage. i dont think 2007 is the year for relationships.

im not ready to make nice!

india's biggest export to the world is not yoga or chicken curry.. its probably 'denial'. my parents especially mother is the perfect example of the 'relief' that denial provides.

according to her we are the quintessential happy family.getting up each day thinking yes i can keep this house together. have no idea how she does it. it is admirable getting up each and everyday and keeping track of family members who dont quite believe the concept of family exists. denial works in mysterious ways i must assure you. its not about seeing the bright side at the time of adversity, its about wondering if there is any adversity to begin with. sort of like living/seeing life through those rose coloured glases. there are never any moments of doubt or any kind of haziness. its about seeing life the way you want it. its about being blind to the damn reality, and many a time mother dearest has proven that 'denial' truly works! yay. who needs drugs when there is denial??!

oh thank gawd.

ohh.. and closure is always a good thing. it has taken time to get there.... but well i am there..here..whatever. and im loving it.

short stories.

im quite bored at the moment.. oh okie who am i kidding i have shite loads of work which i cannotbe bothered to do.. and procrastination is my middle name. sigghh. okie so let me amuse you with some stories from college..

• two friends are fighting over one boi. fight isnt over him.. or so 'he' says.. but who cares what he says :) his girlfriend is highly possesive and does not want the other girl(who is in a committed relationship) talking with him.. and yesterday was amusement galore with bitch fights over sms taking place. of course boi in question is a hunk from no angle or even under the influence of alcohol.. they do say love is blind. i agree.
• tommorow i have a draping class with a gay professor. who wears light blue glitter eye liner. :) i want to know where he gets it from. i am supposed to be doing work for his class but well im blogging at the moment.. so, so much for homework and the like. btw the professor in question is checking out the aforementioned male friend.
• and my fashion show will be taking place sometime next month. and stitching starts soon.so life isnt going so good on that front either.
• and afterexactly one month and a week im done with college. and then wat?? hmmmmm....

SIGGHHHH!

here we go again :P... btw mr.rationality there is no #11 on ur questionaire.... too personal or got deleted during copy, paste time? :P


1. Pick out a scar you have, and explain how you got it?

hmm.. i could tell u tht i have one down the entire length of my face which i got during a bitch fight but tht wont be too original soo.... the one at the corner of my left eye... got it when i was really young,by "accidentally" (read: brother shoving me) hitting some sharp edge of the cabinet in the bathroom.

2. What is on the walls in your room?

pink paint and my baby photos and calendar and some other shite..

3. What does your phone look like.

its pink. its awesome. its awesome because its pink.

4. What music do you listen to?

anything except house.

5. What is your current desktop picture?

my sister's dawg chip... who resembles marley.. and u dont know who marley is do u?? sigghhh

6. What do you want more than anything right now?

short hair. with this freaking hot summer sun im contemplating shaving my head. :(

7. Do you believe in gay marriage?

i personally dont believe in marriage. but hey whatever works for u...

8. What time were you born?

ahh faack when i was born, now the intersting question is where was i born. :) our very own bihar. :)

9. Are your parents still together?

yes yes. if they split up what would society think! gasssp!

10. What are you listening to?

rhcp- desecration smile.

12. The last person to make you cry?

brother dearest. hes for SALE. ill pay you.

13. What is your favourite perfume/cologne?

anything citrusy.

14. What kind of hair/eye colour do you like on the opp sex?

i prefer animals.

15. Do you like pain killers?

no no pain is good. masochism runs deep in the family.

16. Are you too shy to ask someone out?
previous tag covered it all

17. Fave pizza topping?

hmmm.. watever actually..

18. If you could eat anything right now, what would it be?

coffee. its a food group.

19. Who was the last person you made mad?

brother dearest. hes still for sale. i said ill pay you remember??? please you'll be doing social service!!!


20. Is anyone in love with you?

not that i know of. so does that mean im loved less or that i just dont know people are in love with me?? sigghhh

i taggg?? hmmm whoever will attempt this. :)

saw 'the namesake' yesterday. and realised that i have forgotten the book. :( so have to read it again and then decide whch i liked better. though with the fever + throat infection +air conditioned theatre = an even sicker baliga. sob.

rise and fall.

same line of thought as sreicanth's post... but yeah everything happens for a reason. and for me its all been good. the harder i fall the better i learn. considering the events of the past week i must say it does make a lot of sense. and even though i have fucked up i wouldnt do it any other way.

censored.

annd we are back to banning Ftv cause it sends out 'wrong signals' to the impressionable youth. *sigh* i guess the government will never learn. ever.

Question.

if a person takes too long to open up to you.. would you walk away from the relationship (not necessarily a romantic one.. )?

this is assuming you have been talking like you have verbal dysentry.. is it right to feel let down? or is it just plain paranoia?

in the shadows.

at times the person before you(figuritively!) seems so much bigger.... everything seems so perfect. when you are called upon to fill'em shoes...you.. well never quite fill them. and the bite at times never heals. its not so much the comparissons to the other person that irritate (hurt?), its the disappointment that you can never replace them. its the anger that you can never quite be them. ever. no matter how much you try. you dont need someone else's anger or disappointments. im sure we do well in those departments by ourselves. at times though a kind word does not hurt..*sigh*

recommendations!

oh and before i forget there might be a class vacation/trip in the offing.. any interesting places that anyone would want to recommend? i think its a 2 day trip.. think...

see who i am.

its quite refreshing to know that the people you truly love and care about havent changed. and i dont mean at a superficial level... but deep down if they remain the same that is all that matters.. to me atleast. because you know that they dont have any hidden agenda, or plans motives blah... they like you for who you are. with the mood swings, attitude;), coffee+shopping addictions and swearing. they dont expect you to change.. and most important they dont love you so that they can 'reform' you. how many of us can truly say we accept someone else with all their faults? (btw, whos to decide what is a fault.. that aside..:) sure something about someone can irritate the fuck out of us.. but its not about understanding its about respecting difference.

any which way went to bengaluru last week..weekend to be precise, and shopped quite obviously. bought a really nice bag. and loads of other stuff... but off late i have noticed that the first thing i tend to purchase is sunglases. i would be shopping for like an hour, two even and wont be remotely pleased with anything in the vicinity. but after i purchase my nu sunglases then there is no stopping me :) there is some satisfaction when i have shopped, bargained, been cheated :P and then come home exhausted with shopping bags.

so shopped. and partied. and bonded with chip sister dearest's (cuzin sister:) 2 year old lab. apparently he likes'human' females.. and dog 'males'.. if it makes any sense.. and ofcourse updated sistah with all relevant gossip.

ohhhhh, and tgif has the the awesomeest double choclate fudge brownie... :D

goodnight.

sometimes the easiest course of action to take is ignore all the turmoil around you and leave. distance really creates come kind of clarity.. sort of like adding some light to the whole situation. standing your ground at times is not worth it. cause not too many people are worth taking the fight to the end. and the heartache that comes with it is too painful. as is the humiliation that perhaphs, you were too gullible. and at the end of the day we are searching for that ever elusive peace of mind..

pursuit of happyness.

finished shantaram and developed my biceps in the process (hefting the heavy book;). liked it cept for the afghanistan bit.

annnd i got my phone. :))))) the 7390. daddy got back yesterday from uhhhh.. umm.. ok he got back and well i asked if he had gotten the phone. he said no. instead of the usual cribbing. i just said ok and left. i didnt expect him to get it anyway. then he wakes me up at 8 in the morning with the phone in his hand. and its the exact same colour i had asked for :). so yay.

so now my old phone goes to brother as it always does.. except he does not know that it is a 'fashion phone'. aside from the fact that the phone is non existent in his huge hand its a gurls phone. and well i have deleted all incriminating software like 'fashion model' or something like that. so brother is kinda kicked about the camera on the phone. amd he cannot try to usurp the nu phone as its pink. and he'll die before he walks around with that. so alls well that ends well.

quote, unquote

" i take an interst in everything, and commit to nothing"


;D sounds very familiar.

crossroads

i donot know if i want to study furthr or work. its like my friend( dear friend.. not do dear any more;P) said 'you know baliga, after your masters maybe you should apply for a P.Hd or the like in fashion something or the other.. and then soon you'll be one of my most 'educated' friend..' then he couldnt continue as he was laughing a 'bit much'...

aisde from the most educated bit.. im just confused esp with admissions around the corner..

Q&A.

is disenchanment the same thing as losing interest? if distance results in self reliance can it be equated to indifference? can indifference be equated to cruelty? pesudo-intellectual bullshite?? i dont know.. maybe.. just putting pen to paper..

profound thoughts and the like...

brother dearest seems to have a gurlfrend!!! so hence hes off my case for the moment.. a good thing.. but im wondering how long this one will last.

an excerpt from our conversation:

bro: her name is rachel.
moi: does she have a brain.
bro: shes 5'9"
moi: does she have a brain.
bro: she has nice hair.
moi: brain???
bro: she's very fair.
moi: brain (sob)
bro: she talks a lot.

well i dont/didnt have much to say after that....

bittersweet..

of sunshine, and warmth

laughter and the like;

i know not much.

i am forever reminicising

in the winter of my life.

living in cliches.

articulating within catch phrases.

dreaming of things i have,

but, dont recognise.

playing out fantasies in reality.

at times fragments,

probe at the distant past.

a penchant for drama,

a flair for the theatrical

drowning in self pity,

i am immortalised; within the

nostalgia that is my present.

stuff...

finally read linda goodmans book on sunsigns. and well what can i say i am gemini through and through. though somethings are not exactly what i wanted to hear/ read about myself.

btw does any one know what to do with a brother who is 'acting up'?? off late he has for some reason decided to be my guardian angel or some fucking shit. so he thinks he has the sole right to tell me who to be friends with blah blah.. btw this is when it comes to the boys... i can hang with any of the gerls and that aint a problem.. but when it comes to the boys his favourite line is ' you don't know boys'. sob. sob. sob. sob.

all the small things.

its just the small games people play.. a kind of one upmanship.. these games are boring after the first few rounds. and its just a matter of who gives in first. at times i act so freaking dense and ignorant (i am very observant) that i disgust myself. these games are highly selfdestructive. and just because i choose not to indulge in them ( all the time that is..) does not mean i dont know the game or the rules. nor does it mean i am novice at it. they bore me. and its a matter of who is the 'bigger' person at the end of the damn day.

breaking the law.

now for a more 'chilled' out post.. does anyone believe in horoscopes? because my parents especially my mother thinks god above wrote/ made our horoscopes and the word is the law. the astrologer is more loved than family members. and he is an asshole. i takegrest pleasure in ignoring him and making him feel like shite. he comes home and gives gyaan like your daughter will go abroad. the awesome bit is my mother will blindly believe this shite. and tell me im going abroad. when i was crying my self hoarse for the past few years wanting to go abroad no one seems to give a fuck. but yea some random person says it and hey im hauling ass. like the astrologer is paying for my fees abroad.

aside from will she go abroad.. everyone's favourite question is when will she get married? ( not WILL she, but when) is it given that i am interested in marriage? i guess so.. though i have said numerous times that i am not. the question they are afraid to ask ( i love this part;) will she marry with in the community? i dont to marry. aside from the fact that i think my community is a piece of shit and i have an almost racist/ communal dislike for most members from this community. and marrying with in the community is an achivement in which walk to life??

what really irritates me is that the astrologers word is law. no one wants to let destiny take its own course. i have nothing against astrology. but all sciences need to approached with an open mind, and reasoning. evryone is so preoccupied with the future that we lose the present. and there is nothing worse than that. but mother dearest feels that astrology is the be all and end all. so i asked her "if the astrologer says i am going to die tomorrow will you start funeral preperations today?"

breakstuff.

this is highly repetitive the fact i cant/dont? want to do something about it pisses me off.. but i so freaking need to vent its not even funny.. this has definitely moved on form the fact that a plain fuck off isnt even enough, now i feel the urge to whack someone/something really hard. very hard. now that one part of the ranting is over.. the point at hand is the fact that i am a bitch.. but apparently i am not as well. certain people piss the fuck outta me.. and i cant seem to tell them to fuck off. i dont hang with any of them, and have not had a meaning ful conversation with them in months. i dont see a reason for the 'stalkerish' interest they have in me. this is despite all the attitude i have thrown.. and the fact that i have been too 'busy' to meet with any of them in months. i am anti confrontational so i try to get someone else to start the fight so i can finish it off and leave!! but why any of them are still clinging on to me is beyond me actually.. and most ofthem had no respect in my eyes to begin with.. now the fact that they seem to have no self respect, or dignity to leave after all the insults well lets just say they cease to exist..

the question now is i am not doing something about it? or i cant do anything about it.. and yes i know we can do whatever we want blah blah.. but if i do tell them to fuck off no one just leaves.. there are a hundred questions.. and i dont like being answerable to anyone. not even my parents. so these people technicaly dont feature anywhere. so instead of answering questions i get evasive. i just go into hiding. and my favourite line is that college is a bitch and i have too much work. if you go by the amount of work i am supposed to be doing i should atleast have 2 fashion stores in the city.

which again comes down to the fact that most of these people are highly superficial. what u wear. what you drive. intellectual reasoning and intelligence is beyond most. and more importantly none of them possess andy semblance of indiviuality.. which is by far the worst! why did i even hang out with them?? good question. when u meet people for the first time that too in a night club there isnt much room for conversation. so everyone appears normal. then you hang out with them and realise they are all tad too lame. and so i try to back off. and not meet. that leads to fifty questions as to why i am not meeting. please note college, grades, amibition is not of much importance to many in the group. arrears are cool you see. and the amazing thing about this is that they assume they are 'cool' and the rest of the world actually subscribes to this dictum too.

so i guess fuck off is what the doctor ordered..... *sigh*

want ;(

sniff. sniff anyone want to buy it me? i guess not..*sigh*.

wtf!!

in all honesty im all game to talk about meself but this is crazy.. any which way here goes..

1. Were you named after anyone?

naa. dont think so.. but to find this out i gotta communicate with my parents.

2. Do you wish on stars?

no!
3. When did you last cry?

yesterday night.. on contrary to popular belief i get hurt too.. and i am highly emotional..

4. Do you like your handwriting?

been drawing and painting for over two years to admire the beauty of my handwriting..

5. What is your favourite meat?

not a fan of meat.. but like tandoori chicken.

6. What is your most embarrassing CD on your shelf?

my hawt pink i pod. :P

7. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you?

if you can look past the attitude i am a louvely human being. :P honestly though, maybe i make a good friend.. you just gotta get past the shields first.

8.Are you a daredevil?

sure.. im gearing up to set my house ablaze at the moment..


9. How do you release anger?

on any person in the vicinity. :P i need to vent.

10. Where is your second home?

now that you mention it... anyone willing to take me in??

11. Do you trust others easily?

no. end of story.

12. What was your favourite toy as a child?

barbie. :P

13. What class in school/college do you think is totally useless?

school is a waste of money. and college is a waste of time.


14. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

'a lot' is a matter of perspective.

15. Have you ever been in a mosh pit?

wat the fuck is mosh pit?

16.What do you look for in a guy/girl?

sense of humour and intelligence beats good looks anyday.

17. Would you bungee jump?

hell yeah! except you might have to push me over the edge after that i am game. ;P

18. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?

not a shoe person. if i do wear them, i cant be bothered to tie or untie them..slipon baiby!

19. What's your favourite ice cream?

coffee.coffee.coffee.coffee.

20. What are your favourite colours?

pink.black.gold.bronze.

21. What are your least favourite things?

hypocrisy. being answerable to people. artificiality. lack of respect for space.

22. How many people do you have a crush on right now?

none.

23. Who do you miss most right now?

cookie and simi.

24. What are you listening to right now?

pal pal dil ke pas - kishore kumar.

25. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be?

pink! was there any doubt??!

26. What is the weather like right now?

its actually chilly for chennai ;(

27. Last person you talked to on the phone?

vysh dearest.

28. The "first" thing you notice about the opposite sex?

smile!! a genuine smile goes a looonngg way.

29. Do you like the person who sent you this?

i had liked schmetterling's posts/blog.. but after this 50 questions i am reconsidering my descision.. :P

30. How are you today?

pissed as hell. this is me on a regular basis so dont assume that i am social. i am not.

31. Favourite non alcoholic drink?

orange juice.. actually any juice.. louve it..

32. Favourite alcoholic drink?

not much of a kudikari.. coffee is my poison.

33. Natural hair colour?

coffee brown..lol.. actually daddy thinks its dirty brown due to lack of oil.. but watever!

34. Eye colour?

sky blue when im happy. and scarlet red when im angry... lol..

35. Wear contacts?

umm sunglasses are the only eye wear things i possess...

36. Siblings?

younger brother who i just fought with so not much louve for him at the moment.

37. Favourite month?

june.

38. Favourite food?

coffee is a food group. dont argue with me on this one.

39. Favourite day of the year?

uhhhhhhhhhh nothing really..

40. Have you ever been too shy to ask someone out?

no i am not a shy person.. i just get scared that's about it..

41. Scary movies or happy endings?

scary movies with happy endings.

42. Summer or winter?

summer!! i ll die if chennai had a winter season..

43. Holi or Diwali?

any festival as long as i get moeny from grandma..

44. Do you like your name?

surname yes. first name no.

45. What book/magazine are you reading?

the diary of anne frank. finally!

46. What's on your mouse pad?

dont have one! anyone want to buy me one...?

47. What did you watch on TV last night?

umm wat exactly is television??

48. Favourite Smell?

coffee. citrus fragrance. ysl- cinema.

49. Have you ever regretted breaking up with someone?

no.

50. Most tiresome thing you’ve ever experienced/done?

answering this questionaire..

now that i have finished my sentence i tag :

Bhaiyaji and vysh..

blood on the dance floor..

and for once i mean the title literally.. saturday nights are meant for partaying and chilling out with friends.. but some people tend to take the concept of chilling out to a whole new level! take last saturday night for an example.. i was out partaying and celebrating a good friends birthday.. and then of a sudden a scuffle breaks out at 12.30 a.m. drunken guy 1 and drunken guy 2 are going at each other on the dance floor in dublin. point is the fight took place behind me.. and when i was yanked to the side by my friend i decided to turn around. what a nasty surprise was awaiting me.. some 6'3" guys fist in my mouth. not face. mouth. luckily two others were holding him back and there was no dental damage on my gorgeous face :P by the time i could recover from the blow, drunken guy 1 tried to land another punch and sent drunken guy 2 sprawling across my friend, who fell on me.. and i fell on someone else.. all the time i was thanking god that i was wearing jeans not a tiny skirt!! they were of course thrown out . that was the only damage control the damn club did.. fuckers. now gettin to the damages.. there was blood.. and i freaked 'cause i was wondering what was broken. a bit many episodes of the contender i have seen, you see lol.... so i was fiddling with my nose for a good ten minutes. ok nose is fine. cheek is fine. eye is fine. lips loooook fine.. but there is blood in my mouth. gory yes. but i finally figured that i had split my lip and that was the reason for the 'bloodshed'.. case and point being people who cannot hold their drinks piss me off. and now i have even more reason to tell them to go hang.

for the record i am fine.. no injuries.. and my dear dear friend gave a very valuable 'suggestion' incase my father noticed (if there was a bruise, and there wasnt/isnt!!;) he said tell daddy dearest there was a 'bitch fight'...

she will be loved.....

wanted to post day2-4 of the IIT culturals.. but moving off tangent here.. i have never thought of myself as selfish or demanding.. im not talking about the materialistic nature/ or life.. (i too deand my pink i pod and the like:). im talking about relationship with people. any relationship.. nothing in particular.. i have always thought of myself as sort of like an island and 'thrive' on the fact that i dont need people. but without realising it we make demands of people. we expect them to love us the way we love them. react the way we react. sure i harp on and on about difference, and how we need to repect it... but i dont think i respect it to get to others. and more than anything i think we/i should practice whatever the hell it is we are preaching!!

but i expect so much from any relationship around me.. and i expect things to come in the tidy little package that i want it to.. which again brings up the fact that its my way on the highway.. but i guess that isnt the way things work.. and more often i end up wondering if there truly are people i can relate too...

and i ronically today my father sent me mail ( no no he's in the same city next door even.. lol..) it was a forward.. and my first reaction to forwards is deleting them. but one line in that whole email stayed with me.. 'just because someone dosent love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean that they dont love you with all that they have'...

day 1

alwite a quick recount of the fashion show. we didnt win. but we had fun! same difference i guess. the first day was the most memorable so ill go into details...

26th: we reached at 6.30 in the morning. i had not had my customary mug of kapi and was sleep deprived. so social and moi donot exactly go in the same sentence. there was no one at the damn station to pick us up or inform us as to where the fuck we are supposed to go. and we had numerous offers from taxi drivers keen on making a killing. after frantic calls, we find the bus and get mothered because of the national roaming bills. as we board the bus we realise that there is a another college from punjab boarding with us. and they have to be some of the best looking boys i have seen in a long time. :P so fuck breakfast all the gurls are frantically combing their hair and searching for mirrors to look their 7 o clock 'best'. lol.. and i must mention there are only boys. none of the hawt punjabi kudis. so we (girls) offer a small prayer to the lord above and take it as a sign of things to come.

as we reached IIT's 580 acre campus we are slightly in awe (read:numb with fear) of the scale of the damn culturals. we are informed that there were 1,500 students all over india who had come to participate in the culturals! and for some one who suffers from stage fright this isnt exactly good news. after the registration and jazz have been completed we are taken to our respective hostels. IIT's campus is very conducive for weight loss. especially considering that the distance between hostels is a good 15 minute walk. and that is the minimum distance! so the girls are dropped outside hostel no:11. so we wait outside the damn gates waiting for the one boy allowed inside the gurls hostel, mr. saagar,lol.. we have a suitcase + one handbag each and then, we have the costume bag which weighs nothing less than 15 kgs. saagar comes and dies looking at the baggage. so he decides to help us. and he carries the vanity case, while the gurls are hefting the costume bag+our suitcases+handbags+mattresses 4 floors. after the morning exercise we get into a fight with dear saagar regarding our luggage, the room, matress, the lack of a curtain. hotwater, and the need for a mirror. we have come for a fashion show after all, and we insist he provides us with one.. ;P at this point im sure all you boys who were thinking of saagar's enviable position are thinking twice.

the rest of the day was spent in taking countless photos, checking out other events and shopping!!! we attacked linking road, and if my father has any inclination as to how much money i have spent i might be disowned. :D all in all a great start to the holiday!

like the movies.

tis seems to be the season to get married. one very good friend tied the knot yesterday. and its the first time i have ever attended a typical christian wedding. it was just like in the movies. flowers. bridesmaids. best man. white gown. veil. i do's and the kiss! :P i did feel terribly out of place in my pretty pink sari. even 60 year ols ladies were in gowns and very very hawt attire. and all of a sudden i felt very old. damn it should have worn some partay attire for the wedding. not like i can wear it to any hindu weddings! :P all the groom's homies were in white suits with ties and looking very dashing i must say. and the bridesmaids were in off white gowns with gold bows. the whole affair was one and a half hours long. and there were only 60 people at the wedding. such a refreshing change from the nonsense that constitutes most konkani (maybe most hindu) weddings!

but one thing i was waiting for was the question of anyone having any objection to the marriage speak now or forever hold your peace and all that jazz.. that never came up.. lol.. not that anyone would have any objection but i was kinda waiting for that. (the question that is not the damn anwer!)

after partay.

before anyone asks no we didnt win. i think the skanks from xaviers won. lol.. but that didnt stop the partaying, nor the shopping. shopped a bit much i must say. had to courier two bags cause flying down with excess baggage can be expensive. :P anyway ahppy new year y'all hope u all had fun!

walk the line.

alright homies im off to bombay.. (drum roll)! looking forward to shopping. shopping. more shopping. and oh yeah the fashion show. buh bye. if you all pray hard enough i might just win..lol...

random....

hmmm........ assignment submitted. worked my ass off this past week. and well it got rejected by teacher because she apparently cannot see where we have changed our illustration style. these are the small joys life throws at you. oh but two things i learnt.. i can paint! and i hate working under pressure. (big surprise there;)

going off tangent here but i realised that im so freaking fickle and yeah ok shallow its not funny! not that i am a fan of partaying but when i do partay i love a huge circle of people.. friends or otherwise. and when i do meet the bunch of new people if i cant relate to 8/10 (which inevitably happens) then i just ignore them! but most of them insist on keeping in touch and wanting to meet at random points..

its like (most) people come with expiry dates. (except for the dear few who i louve with all my heart. ) i get bored very easily, and people cannot sustain my interest for long. but at the end of the day i cannot tell them to fuck off because i am highly anti- confrontational. and the questions would start. what? why? who? where?!!! and whats worse than not relating to people is when the same people turn and ask you questions... so in short i just dig my own grave.

out of focus.

two more weeks for college to close for christmas, and hence i am overloaded with work and submissions. yet as usual i cannot seem to get my act together! one entire project plus an illustration modul is due, and i well am reading, blogging, chatting, smsing.. :)

*sigh* i really cant seem to work! and exams are after new year. and my friends have all come down for christmas holidays and i cant 'hang' with them because i am supposed to be working. so fun times ahead... ;(

oh clarity!

its those small things that makes so much sense... an experience teaches you so much more than a classroom ever can! a recent visit to my 'beloved' alma mater stella maris brought so much clarity its beyond any explanation i can give. though i may seem headstrong (arrogant?;), independent and highly detatched i am not any of those.. yet i am all of those..

a couple of my closest friends had decided to move to hyderabad and take up a place together and work. point being work may not be something they like doing.. but working in another state to get out of our beloved homes and make money. i am quite easily convinced when my friends make plans. and the prospect of leaving my house is very very alluring. besides, i have a Ph.d in building castles in the damn air. point is that this could have been a reality cause my parents would have sent me.. blah blah..

than came the fateful visit to my lovely college. and just entering the college gates filled me with such loathing, and hatred for all the nonsense and hypocrisy that the insititute stands for. next came a visit to the staff room and a meeting with all the teachers. its really funny how the teachers pretend to be in louve with you the minute you leave the four walls of the prison. the visit lasted just 15 minutes. but that was all it took to make up my mind.

i cannot do a desk job. i cannot live with myself doing something i donot believe in. i cannot get every morning thinking of the pay check at the end of every month. beacuse frankly that isnt the most important thing for me. and yes i love my friends but i cannot waste few more years of my life and wallow in regret.

lights, camera.. freezzeee!

stage fright+ me = bad thing.. but that is something that i am just going to have to deal with.. cause baby my college has been invited to participate in 'Mood Indigo', (IIT, Powai), in the fashion show. now that should technically be a piece of cake considering we are a 'fashion college', but welllll we dont have enough models. most of our models (except yours truly) are 5"0. we have not yet finalised the costumes. our theme is half baked.. and we have a bollywood round. so cliche is the name of the game. aside from all the positive points i have discussed just now.. there are close to 15 of us going.. and it will hopefully be fun! and there are loads of performances and events that i am really looking forward to. two things i am not looking forward to the weather for starters. and the company.. aside from 6 students the rest are from the managment class and well to put it mildly we dont exactly 'gel'......... so a 30 hour train journey is going to be entertaining to say the least.