need. a. happy. place.

just when i thought i was capable of emotional detachment i go and do the stupidest thing. get emotionally attached. i did not even know that i can hurt so much. the pain is not just about physical distance but ironically emotional as well. i do not know why i keep pushing and pulling so much. i give and try not to expect, but that rarely happens. i dont even know how to articulate this. which is a first for me.

the themes are recurrent, the emotion is always the same. the need is always the same. to move to happier place i think i need a physical change. environment wise. people wise. job wise.

how does some one stop reminding you of the past. the good/bad/ugly whatever. i get the fact that you decide how much some one affects your life. how do you wrest that control over your life from some one?

my ego wants gratification. my heart craves stability and assurance. my head needs independence.

how many people can provide all that and still stay invested in me?

(do i dare say) in us?

fini

why is it that some people affect your life even though you no longer have any contact with them? you try so hard to distance yourself from them. try to stop letting them affect you, yet the smallest thing they do depresses you? puts you out of sorts and you obsess about it till eternity or worse blog about it. its probably called closure. but i don't know how to get there. i desperately crave it. add to those woes everyone knows everyone in this shitty city. and this small world phenomenon is getting a bit too old for me. and too close for comfort.

i really wish peace of mind could be bought.

what do i want?

is it ok to have regrets? cause i dont think i have had any. i always feel things happen for a reason. but off late i regret somethings i have done, and wish i could undo them. or work them out differently.

if you knew the ending would you change the way you behaved/ acted/ lived through/with something or someone?

sales pitch

when your in deep shit is when you would know who your friends really are. and more importantly its brings things into perspective. a better perspective at least. stuff i used to obsess and worry about do not matter much to me. and small things that people do makes all the difference. i think my new year resolution is to never sell my self short. i deserve my shot at happiness, stability and peace of mind and its overdue.