friends for life.

well what can i say about the two weeks that i have spent?? well i have partied, danced the night away,been involved in fights galore...blah blah blah. in the process made new friends. i do not know them well but yeah we have had fun....

usually me being well me....i would not usually go for any of this.....but yeah i have opened up a bi more and that has made all the difference.

so i guess here's to life! *cheers*

what do i say about college?? it sucks.

my classmates are the only reason i even venture out of the house.....anyway that is it for now.

aashiq banaya aapne...

my recent craze in music genres seems to be hindi music. 2 months back i would not have known the heroes now i know the lyrics to the songs!! this could also be because hindi musik these days has a hip hop flava! my fav song over the past few months is "aashiq banaya aapne" - slow version. i have to specify this as most of these songs have a disco version or remix that could get very annoying!

the words of this song are very beautiful, and i feel that somehow songs in the regional languages are more poignant and meaningful, and perhaps more soulful than english numbers. this particular song comes from a movie of the same name. now the movie i would not watch (not even if you paid me). but i have listened to the song over a hundred times. i serious here.

maybe its a passing craze like the hip hop craze i had. short of thinking i was one of the homies i was into 'da music'. the music is what drwas me towards songs...and there is something truly haunting about the music and the way the song has been sung.

the beauty of the song lies in its simplicity, sincerity and honesty of the words. after a looonnnggg time a hindi song im listening to time and again.

Puddle Of Mud!!!

well i learn't today that i have been reacting all my life!! i am not doing anything very drastically different now..but...atleast i learnt a bit more. i react to people, incidents, emotions, actions.....well you get the drift. and i also follow the motto: every action has an equal and opposite reaction. hence the very self explanatory title self destructive rebel.

now that i have learnt this of myself i wonder if im going to change...at all... i do understand that its human to react but when the reactions control my emotions...i guess i know im in over my head! every time i ponder wether the action/ reaction is right or wrong....and it does not help that im indecisive as hell. weighing in the pros and cons time and again, the time to react/act would have passed. thereby effectively leaving me with no choice.

so... i drift along...sometimes i feel i epitomise the modern day hamlet, to be or not to be.....now that is a damn good question!

hello.....

well its been some time since i have raved and ranted in this 'very' public blog. but anyway... hey to one and all i have been marooned at home due to the incessant rains like the rest of chennai has..over the past week. anyway my good buddy thangu has come down to namma cennai waiting to meet her, and wellllll....SHOP!!

and i need some help please. any suggestions would do. well i have a mood board to sumit....and my theme is 'synthesis' (the perfect meeting of land and sea, harmonious at times but at times violent........but essentially mutual.....)

now the help part : i need to depict this through pictures any advice??? i have run out of ideas....any help would be appreciated.

anyway that is it for now. bye.

killing me softly......

the great indian joint family has a purpose apparently. a family in general is a support system where trust, loyalty and respect are the pillars on which it stands. festivals are occassions where the family comes together to celebrate and part-take in the festivities, shoving aside differences, and misunderstandings. but what if the one system you count on is more corrupt and vengeful than the world you face / hide from as the case maybe??!!

ok enough of the third person writing. by now anyone reading this post would have known im talking about 'my' family!! ( big surprise)

its amazing how one small change can bring down a pack of cards, so carefully arranged. strong and structured in appearance on the outside, but hollow, and without stability or substance from the inside. this is a fitting metaphor for the world that i inhabit (be it in family or the habitat i dwell in). please do note: these are not bitter rantings, but almost cynically detatched observations. my friends would know. i would like to believe that i am not apart of that system, so PLEASE indulge me. this is my diwali gift to myself.

anyway....the cards i was telling you about...well the small change came yesterday, the day before the great indian festival diwali. a small naughty, ball of fur a fawn coloured 29 day old puppy. who we decided to name gubby ( short for greedy gubbins - a personality trait). we ( bro, dad and me) got him as a gift for my mum, an animal fantic. my grandparents (but, ofcourse!!) detested him.i think unconditonal love scares them. they cannot control the puppy with money, or manipulate its affection hence they cannot dictate who the puppy loves or dislikes.

around 11 in the night the dislike manifested into hatred for the poor defenseless creature. ultimatums were issued (the dog or us), threats (you can all leave the house), and omnious silences and glares punctured the aldready polluted air. you would think we bought home the devil wouldnt you??

then dawned the beautiful diwali morning, and it was an unspoken decision that the puppy would have to leave. all this despite copious tears and promises to care for him from my side.

i am very upset, sad, angry and frustrated. not at my grandparents (them i hate), but at my father. this is the man who runs a company that exports products, he has hundreds of workers working under him. and this man could not speak one word in defense of the poor puppy. not one. he just said :"bapma (grandma) wants the dog gone and thats it....thats final" whatever happened to sticking by the ones you love?? im guessing poeple in my house have never heard that charity begins at home. there is no plausible reason why they would not want to keep the dog. we have a huge house, servants, people at home all the time, and a huge garden.....u name it. but there seems to be a shortage of love over the past 20 years or so. so maybe that is it.

the puppy has gone. everyone is acting as if he never came home...except me. i am heartbroken that he has gone. i can still smell him on my t-shirt. i was the one feeding him at 4 in the morning, and cleaning his piss and lulling him to sleep. i am devastated by his loss. his absence speaks more than his presence ever did.

i know i will get over him. like all things in life time will heal, or maybe out of sight out of mind...

but what really haunts me?? what really makes me want to curl up and die?? the fact that no one else would stand up for the 30 -day-old puppy. and they call themselves a family.

fuck you all.