SIGGHHHH!

here we go again :P... btw mr.rationality there is no #11 on ur questionaire.... too personal or got deleted during copy, paste time? :P


1. Pick out a scar you have, and explain how you got it?

hmm.. i could tell u tht i have one down the entire length of my face which i got during a bitch fight but tht wont be too original soo.... the one at the corner of my left eye... got it when i was really young,by "accidentally" (read: brother shoving me) hitting some sharp edge of the cabinet in the bathroom.

2. What is on the walls in your room?

pink paint and my baby photos and calendar and some other shite..

3. What does your phone look like.

its pink. its awesome. its awesome because its pink.

4. What music do you listen to?

anything except house.

5. What is your current desktop picture?

my sister's dawg chip... who resembles marley.. and u dont know who marley is do u?? sigghhh

6. What do you want more than anything right now?

short hair. with this freaking hot summer sun im contemplating shaving my head. :(

7. Do you believe in gay marriage?

i personally dont believe in marriage. but hey whatever works for u...

8. What time were you born?

ahh faack when i was born, now the intersting question is where was i born. :) our very own bihar. :)

9. Are your parents still together?

yes yes. if they split up what would society think! gasssp!

10. What are you listening to?

rhcp- desecration smile.

12. The last person to make you cry?

brother dearest. hes for SALE. ill pay you.

13. What is your favourite perfume/cologne?

anything citrusy.

14. What kind of hair/eye colour do you like on the opp sex?

i prefer animals.

15. Do you like pain killers?

no no pain is good. masochism runs deep in the family.

16. Are you too shy to ask someone out?
previous tag covered it all

17. Fave pizza topping?

hmmm.. watever actually..

18. If you could eat anything right now, what would it be?

coffee. its a food group.

19. Who was the last person you made mad?

brother dearest. hes still for sale. i said ill pay you remember??? please you'll be doing social service!!!


20. Is anyone in love with you?

not that i know of. so does that mean im loved less or that i just dont know people are in love with me?? sigghhh

i taggg?? hmmm whoever will attempt this. :)

saw 'the namesake' yesterday. and realised that i have forgotten the book. :( so have to read it again and then decide whch i liked better. though with the fever + throat infection +air conditioned theatre = an even sicker baliga. sob.

rise and fall.

same line of thought as sreicanth's post... but yeah everything happens for a reason. and for me its all been good. the harder i fall the better i learn. considering the events of the past week i must say it does make a lot of sense. and even though i have fucked up i wouldnt do it any other way.

censored.

annd we are back to banning Ftv cause it sends out 'wrong signals' to the impressionable youth. *sigh* i guess the government will never learn. ever.

Question.

if a person takes too long to open up to you.. would you walk away from the relationship (not necessarily a romantic one.. )?

this is assuming you have been talking like you have verbal dysentry.. is it right to feel let down? or is it just plain paranoia?

in the shadows.

at times the person before you(figuritively!) seems so much bigger.... everything seems so perfect. when you are called upon to fill'em shoes...you.. well never quite fill them. and the bite at times never heals. its not so much the comparissons to the other person that irritate (hurt?), its the disappointment that you can never replace them. its the anger that you can never quite be them. ever. no matter how much you try. you dont need someone else's anger or disappointments. im sure we do well in those departments by ourselves. at times though a kind word does not hurt..*sigh*

recommendations!

oh and before i forget there might be a class vacation/trip in the offing.. any interesting places that anyone would want to recommend? i think its a 2 day trip.. think...

see who i am.

its quite refreshing to know that the people you truly love and care about havent changed. and i dont mean at a superficial level... but deep down if they remain the same that is all that matters.. to me atleast. because you know that they dont have any hidden agenda, or plans motives blah... they like you for who you are. with the mood swings, attitude;), coffee+shopping addictions and swearing. they dont expect you to change.. and most important they dont love you so that they can 'reform' you. how many of us can truly say we accept someone else with all their faults? (btw, whos to decide what is a fault.. that aside..:) sure something about someone can irritate the fuck out of us.. but its not about understanding its about respecting difference.

any which way went to bengaluru last week..weekend to be precise, and shopped quite obviously. bought a really nice bag. and loads of other stuff... but off late i have noticed that the first thing i tend to purchase is sunglases. i would be shopping for like an hour, two even and wont be remotely pleased with anything in the vicinity. but after i purchase my nu sunglases then there is no stopping me :) there is some satisfaction when i have shopped, bargained, been cheated :P and then come home exhausted with shopping bags.

so shopped. and partied. and bonded with chip sister dearest's (cuzin sister:) 2 year old lab. apparently he likes'human' females.. and dog 'males'.. if it makes any sense.. and ofcourse updated sistah with all relevant gossip.

ohhhhh, and tgif has the the awesomeest double choclate fudge brownie... :D

goodnight.

sometimes the easiest course of action to take is ignore all the turmoil around you and leave. distance really creates come kind of clarity.. sort of like adding some light to the whole situation. standing your ground at times is not worth it. cause not too many people are worth taking the fight to the end. and the heartache that comes with it is too painful. as is the humiliation that perhaphs, you were too gullible. and at the end of the day we are searching for that ever elusive peace of mind..

pursuit of happyness.

finished shantaram and developed my biceps in the process (hefting the heavy book;). liked it cept for the afghanistan bit.

annnd i got my phone. :))))) the 7390. daddy got back yesterday from uhhhh.. umm.. ok he got back and well i asked if he had gotten the phone. he said no. instead of the usual cribbing. i just said ok and left. i didnt expect him to get it anyway. then he wakes me up at 8 in the morning with the phone in his hand. and its the exact same colour i had asked for :). so yay.

so now my old phone goes to brother as it always does.. except he does not know that it is a 'fashion phone'. aside from the fact that the phone is non existent in his huge hand its a gurls phone. and well i have deleted all incriminating software like 'fashion model' or something like that. so brother is kinda kicked about the camera on the phone. amd he cannot try to usurp the nu phone as its pink. and he'll die before he walks around with that. so alls well that ends well.

quote, unquote

" i take an interst in everything, and commit to nothing"


;D sounds very familiar.

crossroads

i donot know if i want to study furthr or work. its like my friend( dear friend.. not do dear any more;P) said 'you know baliga, after your masters maybe you should apply for a P.Hd or the like in fashion something or the other.. and then soon you'll be one of my most 'educated' friend..' then he couldnt continue as he was laughing a 'bit much'...

aisde from the most educated bit.. im just confused esp with admissions around the corner..

Q&A.

is disenchanment the same thing as losing interest? if distance results in self reliance can it be equated to indifference? can indifference be equated to cruelty? pesudo-intellectual bullshite?? i dont know.. maybe.. just putting pen to paper..

profound thoughts and the like...

brother dearest seems to have a gurlfrend!!! so hence hes off my case for the moment.. a good thing.. but im wondering how long this one will last.

an excerpt from our conversation:

bro: her name is rachel.
moi: does she have a brain.
bro: shes 5'9"
moi: does she have a brain.
bro: she has nice hair.
moi: brain???
bro: she's very fair.
moi: brain (sob)
bro: she talks a lot.

well i dont/didnt have much to say after that....

bittersweet..

of sunshine, and warmth

laughter and the like;

i know not much.

i am forever reminicising

in the winter of my life.

living in cliches.

articulating within catch phrases.

dreaming of things i have,

but, dont recognise.

playing out fantasies in reality.

at times fragments,

probe at the distant past.

a penchant for drama,

a flair for the theatrical

drowning in self pity,

i am immortalised; within the

nostalgia that is my present.

stuff...

finally read linda goodmans book on sunsigns. and well what can i say i am gemini through and through. though somethings are not exactly what i wanted to hear/ read about myself.

btw does any one know what to do with a brother who is 'acting up'?? off late he has for some reason decided to be my guardian angel or some fucking shit. so he thinks he has the sole right to tell me who to be friends with blah blah.. btw this is when it comes to the boys... i can hang with any of the gerls and that aint a problem.. but when it comes to the boys his favourite line is ' you don't know boys'. sob. sob. sob. sob.

all the small things.

its just the small games people play.. a kind of one upmanship.. these games are boring after the first few rounds. and its just a matter of who gives in first. at times i act so freaking dense and ignorant (i am very observant) that i disgust myself. these games are highly selfdestructive. and just because i choose not to indulge in them ( all the time that is..) does not mean i dont know the game or the rules. nor does it mean i am novice at it. they bore me. and its a matter of who is the 'bigger' person at the end of the damn day.

breaking the law.

now for a more 'chilled' out post.. does anyone believe in horoscopes? because my parents especially my mother thinks god above wrote/ made our horoscopes and the word is the law. the astrologer is more loved than family members. and he is an asshole. i takegrest pleasure in ignoring him and making him feel like shite. he comes home and gives gyaan like your daughter will go abroad. the awesome bit is my mother will blindly believe this shite. and tell me im going abroad. when i was crying my self hoarse for the past few years wanting to go abroad no one seems to give a fuck. but yea some random person says it and hey im hauling ass. like the astrologer is paying for my fees abroad.

aside from will she go abroad.. everyone's favourite question is when will she get married? ( not WILL she, but when) is it given that i am interested in marriage? i guess so.. though i have said numerous times that i am not. the question they are afraid to ask ( i love this part;) will she marry with in the community? i dont to marry. aside from the fact that i think my community is a piece of shit and i have an almost racist/ communal dislike for most members from this community. and marrying with in the community is an achivement in which walk to life??

what really irritates me is that the astrologers word is law. no one wants to let destiny take its own course. i have nothing against astrology. but all sciences need to approached with an open mind, and reasoning. evryone is so preoccupied with the future that we lose the present. and there is nothing worse than that. but mother dearest feels that astrology is the be all and end all. so i asked her "if the astrologer says i am going to die tomorrow will you start funeral preperations today?"

breakstuff.

this is highly repetitive the fact i cant/dont? want to do something about it pisses me off.. but i so freaking need to vent its not even funny.. this has definitely moved on form the fact that a plain fuck off isnt even enough, now i feel the urge to whack someone/something really hard. very hard. now that one part of the ranting is over.. the point at hand is the fact that i am a bitch.. but apparently i am not as well. certain people piss the fuck outta me.. and i cant seem to tell them to fuck off. i dont hang with any of them, and have not had a meaning ful conversation with them in months. i dont see a reason for the 'stalkerish' interest they have in me. this is despite all the attitude i have thrown.. and the fact that i have been too 'busy' to meet with any of them in months. i am anti confrontational so i try to get someone else to start the fight so i can finish it off and leave!! but why any of them are still clinging on to me is beyond me actually.. and most ofthem had no respect in my eyes to begin with.. now the fact that they seem to have no self respect, or dignity to leave after all the insults well lets just say they cease to exist..

the question now is i am not doing something about it? or i cant do anything about it.. and yes i know we can do whatever we want blah blah.. but if i do tell them to fuck off no one just leaves.. there are a hundred questions.. and i dont like being answerable to anyone. not even my parents. so these people technicaly dont feature anywhere. so instead of answering questions i get evasive. i just go into hiding. and my favourite line is that college is a bitch and i have too much work. if you go by the amount of work i am supposed to be doing i should atleast have 2 fashion stores in the city.

which again comes down to the fact that most of these people are highly superficial. what u wear. what you drive. intellectual reasoning and intelligence is beyond most. and more importantly none of them possess andy semblance of indiviuality.. which is by far the worst! why did i even hang out with them?? good question. when u meet people for the first time that too in a night club there isnt much room for conversation. so everyone appears normal. then you hang out with them and realise they are all tad too lame. and so i try to back off. and not meet. that leads to fifty questions as to why i am not meeting. please note college, grades, amibition is not of much importance to many in the group. arrears are cool you see. and the amazing thing about this is that they assume they are 'cool' and the rest of the world actually subscribes to this dictum too.

so i guess fuck off is what the doctor ordered..... *sigh*

want ;(

sniff. sniff anyone want to buy it me? i guess not..*sigh*.

wtf!!

in all honesty im all game to talk about meself but this is crazy.. any which way here goes..

1. Were you named after anyone?

naa. dont think so.. but to find this out i gotta communicate with my parents.

2. Do you wish on stars?

no!
3. When did you last cry?

yesterday night.. on contrary to popular belief i get hurt too.. and i am highly emotional..

4. Do you like your handwriting?

been drawing and painting for over two years to admire the beauty of my handwriting..

5. What is your favourite meat?

not a fan of meat.. but like tandoori chicken.

6. What is your most embarrassing CD on your shelf?

my hawt pink i pod. :P

7. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you?

if you can look past the attitude i am a louvely human being. :P honestly though, maybe i make a good friend.. you just gotta get past the shields first.

8.Are you a daredevil?

sure.. im gearing up to set my house ablaze at the moment..


9. How do you release anger?

on any person in the vicinity. :P i need to vent.

10. Where is your second home?

now that you mention it... anyone willing to take me in??

11. Do you trust others easily?

no. end of story.

12. What was your favourite toy as a child?

barbie. :P

13. What class in school/college do you think is totally useless?

school is a waste of money. and college is a waste of time.


14. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

'a lot' is a matter of perspective.

15. Have you ever been in a mosh pit?

wat the fuck is mosh pit?

16.What do you look for in a guy/girl?

sense of humour and intelligence beats good looks anyday.

17. Would you bungee jump?

hell yeah! except you might have to push me over the edge after that i am game. ;P

18. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?

not a shoe person. if i do wear them, i cant be bothered to tie or untie them..slipon baiby!

19. What's your favourite ice cream?

coffee.coffee.coffee.coffee.

20. What are your favourite colours?

pink.black.gold.bronze.

21. What are your least favourite things?

hypocrisy. being answerable to people. artificiality. lack of respect for space.

22. How many people do you have a crush on right now?

none.

23. Who do you miss most right now?

cookie and simi.

24. What are you listening to right now?

pal pal dil ke pas - kishore kumar.

25. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be?

pink! was there any doubt??!

26. What is the weather like right now?

its actually chilly for chennai ;(

27. Last person you talked to on the phone?

vysh dearest.

28. The "first" thing you notice about the opposite sex?

smile!! a genuine smile goes a looonngg way.

29. Do you like the person who sent you this?

i had liked schmetterling's posts/blog.. but after this 50 questions i am reconsidering my descision.. :P

30. How are you today?

pissed as hell. this is me on a regular basis so dont assume that i am social. i am not.

31. Favourite non alcoholic drink?

orange juice.. actually any juice.. louve it..

32. Favourite alcoholic drink?

not much of a kudikari.. coffee is my poison.

33. Natural hair colour?

coffee brown..lol.. actually daddy thinks its dirty brown due to lack of oil.. but watever!

34. Eye colour?

sky blue when im happy. and scarlet red when im angry... lol..

35. Wear contacts?

umm sunglasses are the only eye wear things i possess...

36. Siblings?

younger brother who i just fought with so not much louve for him at the moment.

37. Favourite month?

june.

38. Favourite food?

coffee is a food group. dont argue with me on this one.

39. Favourite day of the year?

uhhhhhhhhhh nothing really..

40. Have you ever been too shy to ask someone out?

no i am not a shy person.. i just get scared that's about it..

41. Scary movies or happy endings?

scary movies with happy endings.

42. Summer or winter?

summer!! i ll die if chennai had a winter season..

43. Holi or Diwali?

any festival as long as i get moeny from grandma..

44. Do you like your name?

surname yes. first name no.

45. What book/magazine are you reading?

the diary of anne frank. finally!

46. What's on your mouse pad?

dont have one! anyone want to buy me one...?

47. What did you watch on TV last night?

umm wat exactly is television??

48. Favourite Smell?

coffee. citrus fragrance. ysl- cinema.

49. Have you ever regretted breaking up with someone?

no.

50. Most tiresome thing you’ve ever experienced/done?

answering this questionaire..

now that i have finished my sentence i tag :

Bhaiyaji and vysh..

blood on the dance floor..

and for once i mean the title literally.. saturday nights are meant for partaying and chilling out with friends.. but some people tend to take the concept of chilling out to a whole new level! take last saturday night for an example.. i was out partaying and celebrating a good friends birthday.. and then of a sudden a scuffle breaks out at 12.30 a.m. drunken guy 1 and drunken guy 2 are going at each other on the dance floor in dublin. point is the fight took place behind me.. and when i was yanked to the side by my friend i decided to turn around. what a nasty surprise was awaiting me.. some 6'3" guys fist in my mouth. not face. mouth. luckily two others were holding him back and there was no dental damage on my gorgeous face :P by the time i could recover from the blow, drunken guy 1 tried to land another punch and sent drunken guy 2 sprawling across my friend, who fell on me.. and i fell on someone else.. all the time i was thanking god that i was wearing jeans not a tiny skirt!! they were of course thrown out . that was the only damage control the damn club did.. fuckers. now gettin to the damages.. there was blood.. and i freaked 'cause i was wondering what was broken. a bit many episodes of the contender i have seen, you see lol.... so i was fiddling with my nose for a good ten minutes. ok nose is fine. cheek is fine. eye is fine. lips loooook fine.. but there is blood in my mouth. gory yes. but i finally figured that i had split my lip and that was the reason for the 'bloodshed'.. case and point being people who cannot hold their drinks piss me off. and now i have even more reason to tell them to go hang.

for the record i am fine.. no injuries.. and my dear dear friend gave a very valuable 'suggestion' incase my father noticed (if there was a bruise, and there wasnt/isnt!!;) he said tell daddy dearest there was a 'bitch fight'...

she will be loved.....

wanted to post day2-4 of the IIT culturals.. but moving off tangent here.. i have never thought of myself as selfish or demanding.. im not talking about the materialistic nature/ or life.. (i too deand my pink i pod and the like:). im talking about relationship with people. any relationship.. nothing in particular.. i have always thought of myself as sort of like an island and 'thrive' on the fact that i dont need people. but without realising it we make demands of people. we expect them to love us the way we love them. react the way we react. sure i harp on and on about difference, and how we need to repect it... but i dont think i respect it to get to others. and more than anything i think we/i should practice whatever the hell it is we are preaching!!

but i expect so much from any relationship around me.. and i expect things to come in the tidy little package that i want it to.. which again brings up the fact that its my way on the highway.. but i guess that isnt the way things work.. and more often i end up wondering if there truly are people i can relate too...

and i ronically today my father sent me mail ( no no he's in the same city next door even.. lol..) it was a forward.. and my first reaction to forwards is deleting them. but one line in that whole email stayed with me.. 'just because someone dosent love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean that they dont love you with all that they have'...

day 1

alwite a quick recount of the fashion show. we didnt win. but we had fun! same difference i guess. the first day was the most memorable so ill go into details...

26th: we reached at 6.30 in the morning. i had not had my customary mug of kapi and was sleep deprived. so social and moi donot exactly go in the same sentence. there was no one at the damn station to pick us up or inform us as to where the fuck we are supposed to go. and we had numerous offers from taxi drivers keen on making a killing. after frantic calls, we find the bus and get mothered because of the national roaming bills. as we board the bus we realise that there is a another college from punjab boarding with us. and they have to be some of the best looking boys i have seen in a long time. :P so fuck breakfast all the gurls are frantically combing their hair and searching for mirrors to look their 7 o clock 'best'. lol.. and i must mention there are only boys. none of the hawt punjabi kudis. so we (girls) offer a small prayer to the lord above and take it as a sign of things to come.

as we reached IIT's 580 acre campus we are slightly in awe (read:numb with fear) of the scale of the damn culturals. we are informed that there were 1,500 students all over india who had come to participate in the culturals! and for some one who suffers from stage fright this isnt exactly good news. after the registration and jazz have been completed we are taken to our respective hostels. IIT's campus is very conducive for weight loss. especially considering that the distance between hostels is a good 15 minute walk. and that is the minimum distance! so the girls are dropped outside hostel no:11. so we wait outside the damn gates waiting for the one boy allowed inside the gurls hostel, mr. saagar,lol.. we have a suitcase + one handbag each and then, we have the costume bag which weighs nothing less than 15 kgs. saagar comes and dies looking at the baggage. so he decides to help us. and he carries the vanity case, while the gurls are hefting the costume bag+our suitcases+handbags+mattresses 4 floors. after the morning exercise we get into a fight with dear saagar regarding our luggage, the room, matress, the lack of a curtain. hotwater, and the need for a mirror. we have come for a fashion show after all, and we insist he provides us with one.. ;P at this point im sure all you boys who were thinking of saagar's enviable position are thinking twice.

the rest of the day was spent in taking countless photos, checking out other events and shopping!!! we attacked linking road, and if my father has any inclination as to how much money i have spent i might be disowned. :D all in all a great start to the holiday!

like the movies.

tis seems to be the season to get married. one very good friend tied the knot yesterday. and its the first time i have ever attended a typical christian wedding. it was just like in the movies. flowers. bridesmaids. best man. white gown. veil. i do's and the kiss! :P i did feel terribly out of place in my pretty pink sari. even 60 year ols ladies were in gowns and very very hawt attire. and all of a sudden i felt very old. damn it should have worn some partay attire for the wedding. not like i can wear it to any hindu weddings! :P all the groom's homies were in white suits with ties and looking very dashing i must say. and the bridesmaids were in off white gowns with gold bows. the whole affair was one and a half hours long. and there were only 60 people at the wedding. such a refreshing change from the nonsense that constitutes most konkani (maybe most hindu) weddings!

but one thing i was waiting for was the question of anyone having any objection to the marriage speak now or forever hold your peace and all that jazz.. that never came up.. lol.. not that anyone would have any objection but i was kinda waiting for that. (the question that is not the damn anwer!)

after partay.

before anyone asks no we didnt win. i think the skanks from xaviers won. lol.. but that didnt stop the partaying, nor the shopping. shopped a bit much i must say. had to courier two bags cause flying down with excess baggage can be expensive. :P anyway ahppy new year y'all hope u all had fun!

walk the line.

alright homies im off to bombay.. (drum roll)! looking forward to shopping. shopping. more shopping. and oh yeah the fashion show. buh bye. if you all pray hard enough i might just win..lol...

random....

hmmm........ assignment submitted. worked my ass off this past week. and well it got rejected by teacher because she apparently cannot see where we have changed our illustration style. these are the small joys life throws at you. oh but two things i learnt.. i can paint! and i hate working under pressure. (big surprise there;)

going off tangent here but i realised that im so freaking fickle and yeah ok shallow its not funny! not that i am a fan of partaying but when i do partay i love a huge circle of people.. friends or otherwise. and when i do meet the bunch of new people if i cant relate to 8/10 (which inevitably happens) then i just ignore them! but most of them insist on keeping in touch and wanting to meet at random points..

its like (most) people come with expiry dates. (except for the dear few who i louve with all my heart. ) i get bored very easily, and people cannot sustain my interest for long. but at the end of the day i cannot tell them to fuck off because i am highly anti- confrontational. and the questions would start. what? why? who? where?!!! and whats worse than not relating to people is when the same people turn and ask you questions... so in short i just dig my own grave.

out of focus.

two more weeks for college to close for christmas, and hence i am overloaded with work and submissions. yet as usual i cannot seem to get my act together! one entire project plus an illustration modul is due, and i well am reading, blogging, chatting, smsing.. :)

*sigh* i really cant seem to work! and exams are after new year. and my friends have all come down for christmas holidays and i cant 'hang' with them because i am supposed to be working. so fun times ahead... ;(

oh clarity!

its those small things that makes so much sense... an experience teaches you so much more than a classroom ever can! a recent visit to my 'beloved' alma mater stella maris brought so much clarity its beyond any explanation i can give. though i may seem headstrong (arrogant?;), independent and highly detatched i am not any of those.. yet i am all of those..

a couple of my closest friends had decided to move to hyderabad and take up a place together and work. point being work may not be something they like doing.. but working in another state to get out of our beloved homes and make money. i am quite easily convinced when my friends make plans. and the prospect of leaving my house is very very alluring. besides, i have a Ph.d in building castles in the damn air. point is that this could have been a reality cause my parents would have sent me.. blah blah..

than came the fateful visit to my lovely college. and just entering the college gates filled me with such loathing, and hatred for all the nonsense and hypocrisy that the insititute stands for. next came a visit to the staff room and a meeting with all the teachers. its really funny how the teachers pretend to be in louve with you the minute you leave the four walls of the prison. the visit lasted just 15 minutes. but that was all it took to make up my mind.

i cannot do a desk job. i cannot live with myself doing something i donot believe in. i cannot get every morning thinking of the pay check at the end of every month. beacuse frankly that isnt the most important thing for me. and yes i love my friends but i cannot waste few more years of my life and wallow in regret.

lights, camera.. freezzeee!

stage fright+ me = bad thing.. but that is something that i am just going to have to deal with.. cause baby my college has been invited to participate in 'Mood Indigo', (IIT, Powai), in the fashion show. now that should technically be a piece of cake considering we are a 'fashion college', but welllll we dont have enough models. most of our models (except yours truly) are 5"0. we have not yet finalised the costumes. our theme is half baked.. and we have a bollywood round. so cliche is the name of the game. aside from all the positive points i have discussed just now.. there are close to 15 of us going.. and it will hopefully be fun! and there are loads of performances and events that i am really looking forward to. two things i am not looking forward to the weather for starters. and the company.. aside from 6 students the rest are from the managment class and well to put it mildly we dont exactly 'gel'......... so a 30 hour train journey is going to be entertaining to say the least.

questions.

yesterday watched 'mitr- friend', and wasnt impressed in the least. have no idea why i thought the film would be great.. but anyway. what really irritated me was the ending.. not once do either the husband or the wife think of the conseqences of understanding another person better than their own spouse. lets just say that the person he/she was chatting with wasnt the spouse.. then would it have still been a happy ending?? and when shobana does question her husband saying that he had the time to visit some faceless woman from the internet for a rendevous.. cant we say the same about her? but not once do they wonder what would happen if the person they connect with was someone else..

no i am not being some moral police.. just wondering how two people can continue in a relationship when they think that their spouse/ partner connects with someone else better. isnt it worse if you partner connects better with someone else than you, than knowing that your partner cheated on you (had a physical relationship with someoneelse..)??

uhhh what?

technology and me donot exactly go hand in hand.. im sure those who know me will add testimony to this fact. over the past week. ( last saturday to be exact) my dear dear laptop decides to die on me. not literally, just that it is slow as hell and well i cannot use the damn keyboard. my father is convinced it is a virus, because of all the music i download, and gets some anti virus software to get rid of the virus. so after much drama, the software is installed. why the drama?? because i cannot type. so we have cut, copy, paste certain commands from word documents and get the computer to function. so now we have the virus removed, and you would think that the keyboad would function right?? wrong. the keyboard still acts up.

so we finally get the expert to come and check out the computer. he says that the virus has been removed but there is a short circuit, and hence i cannot use the keyboard. and the solution is that i ahve to replace the keyboard. point to be noted : this is a damn laptop!! so im wondering how much the replacement of keyboard will cost, and how drama daddy dearest is going to give me. but lo and behold today the laptop is functioning a-ok!! all the keys. alphabets.numbers. are in working order. so what happened to the short circuit?

miss congeniality.

my penchant for anti sociality (is it even a word:) is prevalent during festival times as well it seems! but the festival did remind of a few things.. one that if i had gubby still he would have been a year old. :( second, i do not have ANY photos with my family members. lol.. so on saturday morning i get up, get dressed (much to shock/ amazement of parents) and get ready to take photos. so i get the whole family together, all dressed to the hilt; now comes the problem, each family member thrives on anti social behaviour of various kinds. so each person 'stands' for the photos like they have never seen the other. after much coaxing we have a semblance of family bonding occuring in the photographs.

for the record each family member expressed how 'happy' i looked at various points of the photo session. if they only knew i am a happy person!! (when they aren't around.. ;)

besides cordial photo sessions, i went around the neighbourhood distributing sweets ( a first for me in recent times), and some of the neighbours had no idea who i was and vice versa.. and talking about sweets i miss the fact that diwali used to be an elaborate function till some years back. we used to have 'chefs' coming at home to make the sweets. and the excitement that surrounded diwali well.. just doesnt exist any more. now its more about whos wearing what, and how much did that cost. *sigh*

not that i am a fmaily person, but there are somethings money cant buy.

S.O.S

i have a presentataion due next week.. its on the mens wear project that i have been working on for the past one month. and the hard work will HAVE to show on that one particular day. probably next friday. the theme is 'gutter glam'. its an amalgamation of punk rock styling meets fashion kind of a thing.. and i need help with styling the presentation. i know what im going to talk about. motormouth baliga is not usually at a loss for words... but im talking about the whole presentation and the background.. etc.etc.etc.. so any tips??? anyone..??

its been a while.

hello its been quite sometime.. for one i have run out of things to talk about.. and two work +college is a killer combination. i have a whole new perspective and respect for students who study and then work to pay the damn fees! i salute y'all. one more week, and then the internship is over. im exactly thrilled that itis getting over because i am having loads of fun at work. and learing a lot as well.

what am i learning?

- i learnt that diesel jeans are manufactured for 50-75 rupees and sold at over 4,000.
- that the design department ( because of our inherent 'coolness';) is universally not liked by other departments. same principle works in my college :)
- the design department does not have a dress code.. hence a lot of us could be arrested for indecent exposure..lol..
- gap, diesel, missy sixty, topshop, zara, energy, tommy hilfiger, tom tailor, fcuk are but, SOME of the brands that the company deals with.
- and more importantly i learnt that i am an average size. and ALL the clothes are made to fit my size. so if i 'hang' with the right people i might have a whole new wardrobe. :P



oh and yesterday went shopping with daddy dearest. those of you who know me dont collapse of those seats, my i pod died so i needed his 'visa power' to buy my new pink nano. :) and as things go no one likes the new pink nano but moi, so they have placed an order for me. so by tonight i shall be reunited with my love! lol.

slave labour.

after one week of working i realise that i am not built for hard physical work. ok i am not working in coal mines.. im actually sitting in an airconditioned room and surfing the net for fashion trends.. or gossiping.. or having coffee. yeah its work. but the people are nice and its a chilled out work atmosphere.

so work starts at 12.30 and 1.15 lunch break starts, so how could i possibly go on without lunch. by the time i am settling down after lunch, kapi beckons! and how could moi function without her fix?? and 6.45 is pack time. so yeah its all in a days work.

jokes apart work is very intersting. and i completely enjoy the thought process, designing and the research involved. its something i see myself doing after i finish college. so yeah im getting all mature and thinking about my future y'all. lol..


ohh this is post number 200. whoohoo. :)

saturday night live.

the best times of our lives happen not in five star hotels and neither can they be bought with money. saturdays are always spent with wondering where to party. who to party with.. more importantly who 'not' to party with.. so a better part of the day is spent in sms's and calls. but there quite a few who believe that alcohol and drugs dont necessarily lead you to nirvana. a better part of my 'infamous' saturday was spent in college stitching my handbag. as the teacher said either i submit and leave or fail the module. my life is full of choices.. really it is! and then it was a toss between a another mindless/senseless party or a quite dinner with a friend. me being me opted for the dinner over the party. not to say we had a really expensive dinner or great ambience. we bought food sat on the pavement at beseant nagar beach and ate and talked and (but ofcourse) abused our respective colleges. an awesome saturday night if i must say. :)

btw miami vice is shit.

and brother didnt make it throught he final selections :( they apparently take only the top 2.. and he came in third. which is not bad at all considering hes the third best rower in the country.. bbuutt hes coming home ;)

wahh???? not pink ;(

Your Blog Should Be Purple

You're an expressive, offbeat blogger who tends to write about anything and everything.You tend to set blogging trends, and you're the most likely to write your own meme or survey.You are a bit distant though. Your blog is all about you - not what anyone else has to say.

href="What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whatcolorshouldyourblogorjournalbequiz/">What Color Should Your Blog or Journal Be?

happy hour.

happy days are here to stay.

reasons??

1: project submission is over. (part 1 that is.)

2: grandparents have gone to tirupathi for the weekend..lol...

3. teacher loved the project work.

4. it rained yesterday. and though i am freezing my ass off.... its nice. and all the encouragement i need for another cup of kapi.

5. i can sleep. finally!!! now that the project is over. :)

dilemma

i dont like the sleaze that is an integral part of the job profile. i dont like the derogatory comments. i dont like the fact that im mentally traumatised thinking about going for work. i dont like the fact that safety is an issue at the work place. and i wonder if i 'm over reacting and i should just take it as it comes...... ;(

london calling.

life does come one full circle. and what begins has an ending. a year back after all those awful fights and arguments with my parents out of complete desperation and anger i did finally join a fashion college. and i was so jaded about the whole college, the people, the teachers. i reconciled myself to it. college and back is all i thought. but then strange things happen. when you least expect it life throws at you curve balls which since you never expect it, it hits you straight in the head.

i dont remember the times when we have hung out, or all the fun things we have done. but i will never forget the first day. i wore those awful jeans and a t-shirt that aptly said 'all stressed out and no one to choke', and you wore a kurta (black and white i thnk..) and black jeans. i was supposed to sit next to some others. but i thought what the hell and sat next to you. from then on there was no looking back. the numerous shopping trips, clubbing, coffee drinking sprees, last minute plans, raving and ranting sessions... they are all a blur.

now sweetheart you are on your way to london.. probably there by now. ( and i soo wanted to come to see you off at the airport!) i am soo happy for you. your dream has come true. and yet i am so sad.. i selfishly want you to stay here, shop/ club/bitch with me. i wanted to do so many things before you left. we should have gone to bangalore. we should have gone clubbing once more. maybe one more shopping trip. it hasnt yet hit me that you have gone. unless im going to pick up that cell hear that the sim has been deactivated it wont hit me. and then its going to hurt like a bitch.

when you left the damn college for better pastures me being the 'optimist' that i am, thought that was the end of our lovely friendship... i somehow think all relationships will come to an end. but its been close to a year and we are closer than ever. and your one of my best friends. it hurts so much to think that life is going to go this way for another year till i get there myself. ( pls find that rich dude soon!;). but i know ill get over it. and i know you will kick ass in london. and i know you will be famous. and successful. and still remain the same person that i know and love.

somehow i cant seem to tell you all this face to face.. i just balk at the idea of wearing my heart on my sleeve. and somehow i find it easier to say the most important things, to the most important people in my life through a mail. or worse a blog. yesterday i was just getting ready for an emotional meltdown, when i decided to leave. i must have just metioned to you, that i will miss you. how much, only i know. so you be a good girl and start saving money for me to join you. i have aldready started my 'move ass to london fund'. mail me once your settled down. bye babe. miss you. and love you loads.

think pink.

my teacher says that im too 'kick ass' and dont seem like a 'pink person'. i really donot understand why you need to love chick flicks, skirts and flowers to like pink. i prefer action films. donot like romantic movies. dont own a skirt (dont think a micro mini, which friend gifted, counts;). not crazy about flowers.. or things conventionally girly yet i louve pink. the point isnt what my teacher said or didnt say. its is just that we tend to stereotype people based on their personalities/ musical inclinations/ lifestyle/ dressing. which i think is unfair. no indiviual is entirely black or white. everyone is a mix of the two. and to categorise people into norms/ conventional stereotypes is.. well stupid. simply because in the real world there are no cliches.

fun times.

two significant events. not that too many people care.. but... ;)

• nokia pc suite software functioning a-ok and i have uploaded some pictures onto the photo blog. finally!!! and i didnt have to delete any pictures from the cell. this is very good news.
• second i got the internship with the stylist. and things are hectic... but interesting. so alls good for now. ;)

Encore.

hey there can you sing a song for me?

perhaps hold me a little while longer..

guess i didn't try hard enough,

or.. you just didn't want to stay.

at times i read so much into those small things you do.
words, actions, nuances.
i read, so much into those little things,
though we are not meant to be..
i cant help wishing, what if?
so, im here again, asking one more time

hey there can you sing a song for me.
and, hold me a little while longer.

with or without you.

having a brother is a pain in the ass. i mean it. and that too is he one year younger than you its a serious pissoff! you tend to go through the angsty teenage phase together, there by hating each other, fighting, ratting out on each other. yeah i feel bad for my mother thinking about it. but considering that there is only a year and like 3 months difference we get along very well. now that is. i remember right upto first year of college some 3 years back i hated his guts. and vice versa. but hate him or love him, you cant live without him. he is the one person i call family. hes the only one who knows what is happening in my life, and this works the other way around too. there is so much i can learn from him its not funny. the dogged determination , and single minded pursuit of what he wants, the drive to complete the task at hand, dedication, and endurance. he approaches everything that interests him with so much enthusiam and determination that when he fails, i feel bad/angry for him. when he likes something/ someone he wears his heart on his sleeve. dont think he would like to know this though.

the reason that there is so much love in the air for my 'baby bro' is that he has been selected as a probable for the indian team in rowing. and if he gets through the final selection he will be representing the country at the asian games. and but of course he did not tell me parents till a couple of days ago. ( my bro rocks i say;). he is leaving to hyderabad for an intensive three month training camp, and i will miss him. :( and i hope he'd kick some serious ass baby!

thank you.

some lessons in life are learn't best through pain. otherwise we just wouldnt appreciate the joys, that we more often than not tend to take for granted. but its not about the pain any more its learning to cope with it knowing that there will be something at the end of it. not just anything, but something better. at times i get so caught up in my own little world with its trivialities that i tend to forget the bigger perspective/ picture. and i need small nudges in the right direction. these more often than not come from the most unexpected places and the most unexpected people. i have a tendency to judge people. not in terms of how much money/ how goodlooking.. but judge people in terms of how close i need to get to them. its purely based on self preservation. and when i tend to do this i never go back on my first impression. which isnt a good thing. except so many times i have been proven wrong that i have to go back and re think my 'choices'. the point to this long winding introduction is that as said a gazillion times my friends mean the world to me. but at times you tend to take them for granted. and i have done just that. and i feel like shit.

there are some friends who are there for me all the time that i tend to take their presence for granted. they are always there just a call away, a message away.. whatever. but the point is that they listen to my nonsense, my ravings and rantings wihtout so much as a judgment. no advice offered unless asked. and i have never told my friends how much they mean to me. as college/ school friends will add testimnoy to this fact, they donot care what i wear, what i dont wear, or how i look. i am just me. and they accept me with my positive and negative points. well to cut the long story short i just want to thank them for being there for me. though i maynot be there for them at times... and listening to my bullshit at ungodly hours. and providing the much needed sanity/ rationality to my insane thoughts and ideas.

its getting hawt in here. ;)

well college isnt as bad i thought it would be.. maybe that is because i donot have to juggle work and studies as yet.. once that starts maybe it would be sad.. ;) maybe. yesterday we started with our first module: mens illustration ;) and the homework was to 'read/observe' men's magazines. so i spent quite a bit of the day gawking at hot international/ indian models.. it is the teachers orders after all,and im not the one to disobey. no sir! lol.. and today we had to draw poses of our own.. or try to draw poses from magazines. the poses have come out vey nicely i must say.. and the men look very hot! so my friend and me spent time after college (have i ever voluntarily stayed back) deciding who we are going to draw for tomorrows class.

oh but i got up late today and i dont think the teacher bought the ' i was late because i had a family emergency excuse' ;). she told me to get up earlier for tomorrow's class..

24/7

monday college starts full swing and it will be back to the grind/ routine.. whatever. and ill be working as well.. college from 8.30 -11.30 and then work. yay! so all this adds to the joy called life. monday we are supposed to present a mood board depicting/ expressing ourselves through a collage... and im wondering how to describe self destructive rebel through pics.. but considering that the rest of the class has conviniently forgotten the project the teacher will excuse us after the usual 'im disappointed' speech (uhh like we care!). after a holiday how exactly does one get up at 7 for college?? im pissed of thinking of college...

and at the end of the day i realise that i am not into the 'work thing'.. im all for the easy money.. and i want to try/ freelance in every thing.. writing/ designing/ styling/ travel.. blah blah.. and i dont want to work 24/7 either. there is no such thing as easy money.. and that is a piss off. i want to be my own boss, do my own sweet thing, and well just 'hang ten'.. the words rat race and ambition are not understood . its like my mind on a vacation every since i finished my undergraduate degree. i think i wana freelance in life. yeah i should just get a t-shirt that says that.

back in business.

are we back to the normal white backgound?? someone please let me know.. its white on my computer.. and i can access my blog from the pakistani site... atleast the mind numbing pink has been removed.

college officially starts from next week.. and i (being a creature of habit) have gotten used to sleeping at 3-4 in the morning and getting up for lunch at 12. how the hell am i supposed to get up next monday i have no idea. a typical day includes zero activity.. or too much activity.. i swing between the two extremes.

yesterday was one of the days of extreme actvity. i left my house at 11 in the morning and returned exactly 12 hours later. spent the better part of the day shuttling between grocery stores and supermarkets. the occassion? my friend was having guests over and i was helping prepare dinner. ok... my friend and me made the 'pineapple suprise' while her mother made the main course et all. donot assume that i have become domestic (i am not probably will never be!). so we finally got the ingridients together and started on what was supposed to be 'pineapple souffle'. incase your wondering why its pineapple and not the trusted choclate, her sister is pregnant so something pineapple was the only thing she could stomach. that was before she knew what we were making. ';) so the mix was made.. and we well were impatient and the souffle did not set. so we contemplated making the pineapple souffle the drink to be seved before/ with meal. finally we did serve the dessert, which her sister christened 'pineapple suprise'. it did not turn out too badly, and i am not kidding! all in all a good day.

so to make up for the 'activity' and the walking done yesterday, today was a lazing around day.. unless you count colouring my hair as activity for the day.

random stuff.

ok well the government did block blogger.. and i ahve not been able to access my blog in some time.. and well i read this article in the newspaper which said that if you go to www.pkblogs.com/.. you can access all the banned websites ;). and lo behold i can check my blog. but its in a very very 'bright' shade of pink. those of you reading this could you please tell me if my blog is bright pink on your computer screen as well?? and if it is how can i get back my old white background? though i louve pink the new avatar is giving me a head ache. and i cannot access any of the other blogs directly as well.. i have to go to the above said website and write the blog addresses to view the blogs.

ok now that we got that out way... what have i been upto? ok i would like to assume all are interested:) so.. saw a lot of films.. i saw ' the exorcism of emily rose'... and i was never a fan of the exorcist to begin with and this new movie just reaffirmed that faith. though the movie essentialy deals with the trial of the priest after the exorcism ritual.

and i bought the dvd of 'love actually' this is the only romantic comedy i think i have liked.

tomorrow college begins for the undergraduate students but i thought that i would go to keep them company.. since i am such a lovely person and all..lol. actually i am bored out of mind and i thought if everyone is meeting up in college to study lets join the fun. college is not exactly like the jail type facility called stella maris (my previous college). its more informal and chilled out. we listen to music and like never do any work on time. though the new teacher promises massive changes in the working system, without the co-operation of the students i would like to see how the plans are going to work.

ok that's it for now..

hello.

honestly i figured considering all the airtime this 'issue' (ISP blocking blogging sites) is getting blogger would have been blocked or whatever. but lo and behold im blogging. but now that i realise i can blog.. and donot have to rant about the freedom of speech.. and how the government cannot tell us what to do, i realise that i donot have anything to say. like there used to be a time where i would blog like everyday.. about something or other.. college, teachers.. blah. if nothing i would give reviews. but now i cannot write about anything, somehow i donot think its writers block..

space jam.

most people (atleast the ones i have to interact with on a daily basis) donot understand the concept of 'space'. lets not break it down to definitions... but why do people feel the need to be connected 24/7?? if i donot call/ sms/ mail you in the last one hour does it mean i dont give a shit for you? or is it that constant contact with other people makes you less aware of the meaningless existence that you lead? i really do not understand such people. sometimes they suffocate you so much you start to feel like your in a damn relationship. when you are not! 'no', 'fuck off', 'back off'.. are words unheard of. hence the constant need to meet for coffee, chai, juice, lunch, dinner.. wherever, whenever, whatever! maybe i require more space than the average person.. or so it would seem when compared to the people in my life. but i cannot meet people on a regular basis. (especially if i cannot relate to them) once a week and after that my patience starts to wear thin. a sample telephone conversation/sms always starts with 'sup? so.. when we meeting up?' if you do tell them that you have a life beyond them, then apparently you are 'putting up your price'. i have tried to tell them to fuck off.. but like said its not a word that is understood.. you donot have to be a rocket scientist to understand that do you?! but when we do meet, there is no conversation, because i honestly donot give a shit.. and cannot be bothered to be nice or social.

*sigh*.

the week that was..

the week started on a brilliant note thanks to my grandmother who thinks i donot go to the temple like a dutiful hindu should. question 1) if i go to the temple does it mean im praying? 2) if i donot go does it mean i am an atheist?... neither of which they could answer.

so spent the better part of everyday this whole week out of the house. i came back only to sleep and change clothes. but the fight did some good.. for one parents sick of the arguments have gone to goa... two i have spent more time with my friends than i have done so in the last one month.

saw a japanese film 'like an asura' and laughed my ass off... ;), ate truck loads of ice cream after a long time and walked back home after the film at 10 in the night... never realised chennai was so beautiful to walk in at night... or maybe it was just the company. the beauty of it lies in the fact that my mother was trying so very hard to contact me (6 missed calls), and the cell was on silent mode. so she thought that i had probably been kidnapped and was on the verge of sending out a search party when i reached home.

and that very night, i spoke to parents about higher education.. for once it was a conversation, rather than the usual raving and ranting that i do. and mum is game with me going abroad (for now), dad is resigned to the idea after one year of anti-social behaviour from my side.

alls well that ends well?? some how i dont think so...

where da partay at??

i have lost all interest to party al at the 'ripe' age of 21.. in fact i go out of my way to get out these invites..not to say there are too many... or that i am party animal. am not. but even those parties (the few that are happening) donot interest me.. i would rather chill at home.. or just go out with friends (some of who would rather be at the parties).. read even! the thought of getting dressed then putting up with random guys/ girls/ whatever hitting on you... hmm, the hypocrisy sickens me.. and the music (house) gets to me.. i feel old just writing this. but i still donot feel any urge, need or compulsion to attend these 'dos'...

REALLY??

Your Seduction Style: Au Natural

You rank up there with your seduction skills, though you might not know it. That's because you're a natural at seduction. You don't realize your power! The root of your natural seduction power: your innocence and optimism. You're the type of person who happily plays around and creates a unique little world. Little do you know that your personal paradise is so appealing that it sucks people in. You find joy in everything - so is it any surprise that people find joy in you? You bring back the inner child in everyone you meet with your sincere and spontaneous ways. Your childlike (but not childish) behavior also inspires others to care for you. As a result, those who you befriend and date tend to be incredibly loyal to you.

What Kind of Seducer Are You?

thought for the day.

everyday you learn something new and wierd about yourself.. not that isnt the thought. more like an introduction.. so lets get cracking, well today i learnt that if i meet people who might be connected to accquaintances i know then i wont open up to them... its like i want people as single entities.. without a background. a history. past. when i meet people i want to meet them and not know there are fifty others out there who know them. not know them better... just know them.. that alone is irksome...but this is not to say that i think people are possesions (spelling?). far from it actually. i know that people will have past... inevitably the world is a damn village... but once in a while when i do meet people i relate to i want..... well i want them for myself.

the coolest cheese ;)

for those who donot know why this post has been titled so.. and that im guessing is pretty much everyone.. the coolest cheese is the name given to me by my classmate. it basically means i handled the pressure well.. what pressure?? well today was the final day of the design project.. and me being well.. me put off everything(all the stitching) till the very last hour literally. project submission was at five and i started cutting fabric at 4. dont i rock??!

but unlike the last time.. and completely unlike me, i did not react at all under the pressure. every one around me was going mad.. running around, drawing, taking printouts, stitching screaming.. yeah you get the point im sure.. me on the other hand was 'sage like'.. sort of like in a trance. i didnot react even to the most vile insult, and had a beatific smile to give to all those around me.. and one my friends who was going to help me stitch was panicking that i had not yet cut the fabric.. my response ' it will happen in due course' and yet another smile.

so he asked me later why i was so cool under pressure when usually i go down like a ton of bricks.. my response.. sometimes when you know your going to go down.. down all the way you just switch off? yeah that was me today. if the roof had caved in when i was stitching i probably would'nt have reacted...

ironically i finished all the stitching. and i did it by myself though a friend offered to do it for me.. and i did a decent job(read: the stitches will hold till evaluvation;).. and the good news so did all my classmates. in every situation come what may we donot forsake each other.. though a couple of us finished early( no not me i was 'sage like' on the sewing machine) we stayed back to ensure everyone finished their work and submitted everything to the invigilator. we look out for each other every step of the way.. and we have known each other only for a year.. ;)

donot know what i would have donw without you guys.

children of boredom.

everytime i have to do work (read: study!) i feel the need... no actually i have to procrastinate.. im checking out random blogs.. checked my mail like a thousand times... neither msn nor yahoo are signing in... so im insanely bored. so what do i do?? decide to write about it. today was supposed to go to college to finish off the design project but couldnt as the teacher threw us out. we can work only on weekdays apparently.. wonder who died and left them incharge??!!

annywwayyy... was supposed to partay today.. but courtesy the 'homework' for the project due , im spending the saturday night doing homework. how good am i?? huh?? ;)

ok im going to go.

hmmmmm...

Polyamory

You want to have your cake... and everyone else's. Which isn't a bad thing, if everyone else gets to eat too! You're too much of a free spirit to be tied down by a traditional relationship. You think relationships should be open and free, with few restrictions.

What's Your Ideal Relationship?

well loved the first line... and the rest also sounds true...

p.s: was this bored yesterday.

R.I.P

Your Famous Last Words Will Be:

"I dunno, press the button and find out."

What Will Your Famous Last Words Be?

btw

it is so pissing off when you constantly meet people you know and donot like. then you can either choose to be a bitch and not react/ respond.. or you have to be fake/ nice.. blah blah. this is after the intial feet shuffling, racking ones brain trying to remember names.. if you are one of the lucky ones who do get past the zillion 'hot spots' in namma chennai where you run into people.. you have the oppurtunity to meet them on the internet as well. either they know some family members, friends, blah... ultimately they know you. what bothers me?? not the contact itself.. the artificiality that 'springs' forth courtesy the contact. the constant need to question and keep tabs... yuck. orrrrrrr you could convince yourself that you are oh so popular.

by the way.. the exams are going on as planned (by the teachers). though it does not feel like it. both the theory papers were completed in a record time of 15-30 mins each, though we had three hours to complete the paper. and the 30 minutes was because we did not know what to write. donot attribute it to knowledge. the best thing about the exams is that we still think as a class. all the 'side' routes to acing the exams have been given up. the book is in front of us and all we think is when we do the exams get over. we honestly donot care if we pass or fail. this im liking.

wassup?

turned 21 on monday.. the most fabulous day to turn 21 wouldnt you agree? especialy with the exams around the corner.. very happening partay day. NOT. but i did have fun. most of my close friends were there to spend the day with me.. and yeah there was a cake (no im not five years old.. ;). took loads of pictures... shopped (yes i know again?!). and simi got me the most awweesoommee pair of sunglasses.

exams started today. and the irony of life it does not feel like i am having exams! we were listening to music and doing the exam.. and the invigilator is in love with my friend so she was very 'kind'.. hence we were chatting and doing the exam.. but the fun part? we drew parts of the human anatomy.. (hands/legs/ feet) things that are difficult to draw and pasted it around the class and voila we are expert illustrators! ;)

annndd.. good news i got a 'merit' grade in the rework i got on my corel draw assignment. so life's looking up for the moment.

high.

shopping and me are inseperable.. ok make that dad's (hard earned) money+ me = shopping. nice equation i must say. it is beneficial to both sides. for me.. more clothes! for dad he feels guilty for not spending time with me. so here i go off shopping again. the thing about shopping and me is that i donot need to buy... even if a friend buys im happy. it does not take much to make me happy.. simple pleasures like shopping will do.

when i say shopping dont misundersatnd the statment like saying oh a tshirt or jeans perhaps.. i have like a p.hd in shopping and a specialisation in window shopping. planing on opening a college sometime. ;) lol.. ok so i went shopping again today. note the word 'again' ;). and as usual i went with my friend and well we shopped for like three hours and spent quite a bit of money. the thing is that i donot need to buy expensive stuff.. tshirts or earrings and more than adequate. like i said simple pleasures. mum has totally given up on me.. now when she sees the bags she does not even react.

over a period of time this shopping 'madness' (as mum calls it) has manifested itself. shopping is not just buying clothes.. its the art of buying anything with fathers money (but ofcourse!). and its not just shopping for myself.. i can shop for anyone.. with anyone.. provided the other person is game enough to last for atleast 3 hours of shopping. atleast. i remember like a year ago maybe my friend and me did a one day trip to bangalore just to shop! morning train to bangalore.. shopped!! took the night train back.

retail therapy brings with it a high of its own.. i never fully realised this until today.. i actually went shopping to escape a family lunch plan. and we finished shopping but the lunch was still going on.. and in my 'high state' i had half a mind to join the lunch!! we should bottle retail therapy. im sure business will be rocking.

spice up your life.

ok.. you might.. just might have guessed from the title.. i just finished reading 'mistress of spices'. to be honest i took the book only because of the hype surrounding the film.. so i began reading it with no expectations in my mind. and to my suprise i realise that i really like the book! the way the spices have been described.. the stories.. the cliches.. whatever.. maybe old wine in a new bottle.. but its a damn cool bottle at that. i loved the book. and now am dreading to watch the film.. considering the way it has been ripped to shreds. and for those who didnt know the woman in the book is old. not a bloody miss world winner. somewhere down the line i think in ambitious production and publicity/ promotion the esssence of the book has been lost. especailly cause at the end of the book the old woman regains a bit of her former beauty(external only;)..

towards the end of the book i felt really indignant on behalf of tilo.. someone who has given to others all her life.. for once she wants something back and the spices donot want to give.. or they give with the idea of temptation in mind.. the ending wasnt too much of a surprise.. but i liked the book.

free for all.

today out of complete boredom i was listing randonly things that i was obsessed with.. as i have mentioned before i do everything in excess.. so in no particular order.. these are 'old' louves.. ;)

• choclates.
• milo! (that choclate energy drink or whatever.. i used to love the choclate powder)
• nestle choco sticks.
• kellogs wheat flakes.
• skittles (those chewy gems like stuff... yummy. )
• choclate cake.
• cheesecake.
• icecream (due to which i suspect my tooth broke.. hmmmm)
• subway sandwiches.
• french fries.
• cold coffee with icecream.
• tandoori chicken.

hmmm... i have done all the above said in excess... so much so that i cannot bear to look at anyone of these again... except maybe the coldcoffee... ;)

puppy love.

today i met dumby.. short for dumbledore. hes 3months old has the saddest eyes. is lazy to the core.. he cant stand on his own four legs.. he has to sit.. and running is out of the question. another name in my list of most favourite. hes thangu's dog a beagle puppy. hes big for a 3 month dog.. and hes lazy. he cant walk for more than five seconds without lying down.. and he cant raise the lower half of his body, not an exaggeration ;) he eats. sleeps. eats. shits. pisses. sleeps. he loves it if you scratch his tummy and will be your slave for life you will pet him for more than 5 minutes at a stretch. he needs human contact even when hes sleeping. though he looks doped 24/7 hes the cutest. he made my day.


p.s: finished the corel draw assignment! and submitted it in record time. and this time the lines are MUCH better.

flipsyde

to start off most of my assignment submissons are over! on monday the whole class stayed back in college till 7.30pm to complete everything.. and that is a huge accomplishment considering the fact that we have not worked at all in over two months. on the flipside i got a rework in that damn corel draw assignment. well it did look likt i did the assignment when i was drunk.. the lines were too shaky to be accepted. and i have to give it in tomorrow. ;) and im almost done with my trouser stitching as well.. now well that was a fiasco as i have no idea what the end result is going to be.. and we have finished submitting all the degin work and it has been graded as well..

today there was a camera crew that came to college. after sun tv this is the second one.. i really dont understand the purpose of such media frenzy.. when the students are going around saying dont join what the hell is the media going to change? anywaaay.. point is that they moved the boys completely out of the frame and took pictures of the ladies alone! what the fuck is that?? there are like a zillion pictures of me and two of my other friends working, talking, stitching.. all with our fake smiles intact.. lol.. looking forward to see which magazine accepts the damn photos.

technologic.

we have a new teacher! she young( she about 2 years elder than me;) fun, strict, and cuttee ;)

point is we have listed out our complaints as usual to her and she is going to look into it. shes our new faculty.. and we got offf to a decent start today.. and i realised that i am hopeless when it comes to technology.. we had an assignment to submit in corel draw.. where we had to create a template library and well i submitted it.. but it sucks big time!! i couldnt control the pen tools.. and the whole outfit is very shaky and has no semblance of shape/structure or whatever. i hope that i donot have to redo the assignment. i spoke to the faculty incharge and requeste him to show compassion for the technology challenged.

asof the last tweo years that i have started using the computer itself for something other than paint.. earlier to chat using msn/ yahooo messenger was an ordeal... and once i managed to delete entire programs from the computer.. and got soundly abused by my father.. i used to be scared to operate the damn thing. incase i delete something else and cause more trouble.

but off late considering that i have a computer in my room..my dad has new found respect for my ability to let the monthly internet bill shoot up to unprecedented heights ;). but he genuinely respects my ability to work on softwares/ presentations etc.. he was telling me this yesterday during our rare chats.. not arguments.. chats.

;)

strike three.

some realisations are so random that they hit at the most unexpected moments.. and they are no great use nor do they serve a purpose...

- while reading ' butter chicken in ludhiana'- pankaj mishra.. i realised that the author during his travel throughout india styas in most of these government guest houses.. which are in complete shambles.. thought the posters speak of incerdible india.. and what not.. what struck me was that if these government sponsored houses are as 'great' as they claim to be then why dont the top government officails stay in tehm? instead of using up tax payers money for the taj and sheraton groups??!

- its always the simple things in life that makes us the happiest. today i woke up dreading having to go to college.. as one there was the sun tv crew coming to shoot about the brilliance of our institution.. and two i had not completed my homework.. as luck would have it i escaped both.. and got to sleep in till early evening ;)

- mississipi mud pie that i ahd today was a ticket to heaven! sin in a box. ;)

all in all a nice day i say.. and its just been a few hours..

engaged.

question: will bitching about your college in the newspaper land you in a legal soup? those who do know please let me know!


on a more pleasnat note.. my friend got engaged last saturday. it was one helluva function. outlandish clothes, beautiful decor, blinding gold jewellery, bitchy attitudes, catty comments, fabulous food, a nevous and hyper bride to be, and a very unconventional ring ceremony (thanks to the broadmindedness of friends father.. uncles too cool for the old school stuff ;).

this really got me thinking.. uncle has to foot the whole bill for the damn wedding and the multiple functions that will ensue , which again will result in an ostentacious display of wealth.. is all this pomp and show necessary to prove to the world your status?? im sure here uncle is hard pressed to carry on the wedding the way 'it has always been done'. all to this to keep the grandfather, grandmother and the countless nasty relatives happy and more importantly quiet.

the whole function left me more than a little irritated. my friend is sitting worried, tensed and nervous. all the ladies who came to see her can say why are you not wearing more gold or worse sizing up her clothes.. her 'worth'.. helloo.. bitches. and to make matters worse the first time the grooms side (only ladies) came to see her five of them had four video cameras between them!! and they filmed the whole damn conversation.. and introductions.. i sooo badly wanted to hit them! i dont know if they even realised how callous and insensitive they were. the weding is definitely gpoing to loads of fun wiht the 'ndtv crew'(as we called them;) around.


the point that im getting to (yes there is one) do we give more importance to families than our own lives? they are a part of our lives. not our life itself right? i mean its important to repect your elders and take their opinion into account..but isnt it your marriage? your big/small moment? wondering..

quote/unquote

more than enough has been said about the quota issue.. and well i have nothing more to add. was reading some of the comments on the cnnibn blog post on the 'quota issue'.. a person called 007 said that when (note not if) arjun singh gets shot and hes in hospital would he allow a doctor/orderly/nurse who has gotten the degree through quota to treat him....

food for thought ... ;)

best years of my life!

yeaterday finished reading chetan bagats 'five point someone'... its about life at iit.. no it does not tell life at iit rocks. or that its the 'greatest institution' in the country. what it does talk about is that life without friends sucks. you need them to bunk classes, college, cheat, eat, talk to, listen to, basicallly live life with... i guess that implies to all institutions right?? i mean everyone i know hates college, life..blah.. friends are the only reason that many of us continue..

stella maris was another 'esteemed institution' where i finished my bachelors.. two weeks into the college i was in depression. lost weight. hated college. threw attitude. then slowly i made friends on a common ground that we all hated college. soon we realised that we had more in common than mere hatred for the college.. i cant even recall the countless times we have given each other attandance, bunked classes, bunked the culturals.. the damn combined studying, hanging out at gangotree, bitched about the lovely 'sisters' of our college .... and that was four years back.. now we have all moved onto various courses. they mean the world to me.. and we still keep in touch.

this is for you apu, vysh, tika, zayn, simi;), and the countless others who helped me live through that nightmare.. thank you.

man of the house. ha!

the more i interact with my father the more i detest him.. im serious.. he just came now like half an hour back and gave some ultimatum along the lines of ' you have to come to the temple.. next week.. or else....' like what the fuck?? or else what? i havent been to the temple in over a year.and am not fucking interested in watching god being glorified when i donot know if god exists..

point is that my father is never at home. always out of the damn country.. city.. state. do like look like i care as long as hes out of the damn house?? so when hes never at home why the fuck should i listen to him?? its not like im out getting smashed or sniffing coke.. im at home on the computer downloading some fuckall songs.. and he has to issue ultimatums like he knows me.. or worse like he can control me.. and this alone provokes me enough to set the house on fire. literally.

this is one of the main reasons why i want to leave the house.. i have no idea how i cant have any love/ affection/tolerance (same difference right?) for my family. they totally suck. and this is not some childish rant.. or some spur of the moment post.. i really dont like them. and i wish they would just fucking leave me alone..

i cant remember the last time i talked to my parents.. like talked.. not just asking for (more)money, but asking things about their lives.. and the last time we had like a family dinner would be when four years back.. how do i remember?? i have a photo.. oh that btw was the last 'family photo'... he does not know how old we are.. and we donot know how old he is.. i dont know what he does.. and he doesnt know what im doing. or that im turning 21. i like it that way. and want it that way.

everytime we attempt conversation there is a fight. he gets pissed talks nonsense.. i get pissed of and it ends in tears. this is a freaking sumup of life for the past 4 years. it has been freaking hell. to make matters worse his mother a freaking bitch has to goad him on. god she will burn in hell. what really, i mean really pisses me off the fact that he cant ever tell him mother to fuck of. even when shes wrong. like when she wanted to throw a 28 day old puppy outta the house. she succeeded mind you. whore.

all this and more makes me wonder if marriage is really worth it.. unhappiness all over... yeah yeah not everyone is like my father... could swing either ways.. but.. yeah whatever. bye.

obsession..

anyone who knows me will testify as to how much i louve these things.. birth dates.. SUN SIGNS!! (not horoscopes and shit!!) blah blah.. i like them... ok i dont know why but i just like em.. not obsessed with them... but just like to know if they could come true...


BIRTH DATE: GROUP


02,07,12,17,22,27: B2



Group B2
Your dreams and ambitions are much important for you and you can do everything to fulfill your dreams. Love is much valuable in your life but you always search for someone perfect. You hardly trust someone.
Your friends are really important for you but normally you hide a lot from them.
You are a deep thinker you always study the negative view as well as positive.
You can lead a happy life with a person for whom you care a lot these days.



Is your birthday day 12 of the month?

Your LifeYou are friendly, humorous and full of energy. You are open-minded and do not care for minor details. Your weak point is your hot temper.Your LoveYou are willing to start off in one-sided love affairs because you strongly believe that you will eventually win his/her heart. On the other hand, once you are together, you always want to do things your way, which is often the fire starter. You usually run in and out of love quickly.

this came as a mail.. attachement.. and just couldnt resist.. ;) the second one is mostly true.. the first few points.. friends think the last few apply as well.. but i dont know..

neverland..

i have conversation with people in my life when they are not there... confused.. think im psychotic.. well im wondering if i am! i have 'conversations' with people regarding certain situations im afraid to approach.. sort of like my own imaginary fantasy playing out in my mind.. rarely do these conversations happen out loud.. these are only conversations.. and mostly involve people i know..

its really wierd but if im scared to approach someone with something that is on my mind.. then i obsess about it this way.. i play out the entire conversation in my head.. with actions.. i can totally imagine the person reacting/talking.. blah blah.. i have a hyper active imagination. and i donot have control over it. but this is really crazy.. i never realised i was doing this in class today until the teacher was asking me if there was a problem!! what was i going to tell him?? im having a conversation in my head?!! this is not some imaginary friend situation.. its just people and me.. and its conversation. intelligent conversation might i add!

over the moon!!

i finally gave my hawt pink i pod for replacement last week. and well my friend got it done for me in record time. its coming back next week.. monday i think. and since apple corp stopped production of their 1st gen pods im getting a 2nd gen pink pod with 18 hour playback! yeah!

dilemma

yeah so i was just baking in the afternoon heat as always.. me music, and my book. nice combination. when my friends mother calls.. except she just didnt call to say hi.. she wanted me to tell her about her daughters so called new boyfriend! i was freaking out.. cause on one side my friend (the daughter) was not in station and this fruitful conversation is taking place behind her lovely back. when she finds out she'll wring her mothers neck. and second my friend has told her mother the age old sleepover lie to go hang with her friend... *sigh* aunty wants 'boyfriends' number, address even! so she can talk some sense into him.. she feels the relationship is progressing too fast.. watever not my problem.. my prob is with the fact that there are a bunch of lies and a nice web formed around that one story.. its only a matter of time before it all goes up in smoke...

ultimately im stuck in the cross fire cause daughter and mother are not talking to each other. and im their confidant.. yuck. life is soo freaking fucked. good cop, bad cop.. eventually im getting fucked.

progression

i just finished reading a book titled ' bend in the ganges' cant recall the author's name.. but it was nice. and very old.. the story is set during the freedom struggle. i was going to stop reading it there and then. any more 'gandhiji ki jai' type books and i will throw up. anyway.. the whole point of the book is that the freedom struggle is 'but' a backdrop. and it revolves around the lives of three people.. debi dayal, his sister sundari and their common friend/ enemy gian. at various points in the novel all the three wonder if it is better to continue wiht the british rule in india.. as with out them chaos/ corruption/ degradation would become a way of life.. nice novel. finished shalimar the clown also.. didnt like it. going to start ' one night at the call centre' chetan bhagat..

ohh im obsessed with this song 'selling the drama'- live ;) ...and would any one know who sang 'i just died in your arms tonight'??

closure

at times i get too close to people that daily life is a pissoff if i am pissed of by/with/at them.. life looks all rosy if im in a happy mood cause of them. this dependency was eating me from within. i was reacting to them. to their moods.. blah. blah. before i went to mangalore i was constantly dependent on others.. i was double checking my decisions/ thoughts whatever.. whatnot! with them.. somehow the trip has changed me. sort of like made me more indifferent. if that was possible! now i react lesser. and i realised that i donot depend on the same people for my daily life. i know they are but a part of my life. and i can manage fine without them. i am both happy ( at the closure) and sad on one level.. that i am yet to figure out why.. but closure is damn liberating. its like there are no ties.. nothing holding you back. more importantly no one holding you back. me back. ;)

to the moon and back

from the frying pan into the fire.. not really mangalore was heaven in terms of the weather! the breeze was awesome.. and though there was no ac in my grandma's house it was not bad at all!! but its good to be back. familiarity is safe ;)

as i was entering mangalore ( the airport is on some remote hill.. and there is not 'much' of a runway.. im happy this thought did not occur during the take off!) i was looking at the city as a tourist would. never mind the lack of sleep of complete exhaustion, cause of gettin up at four in the morning. i was looking around very detatched, in awe.. at times with wonder. globalisation has not spared much. the sleepy?? town has been transformed into a bustling metropolis. atleast according to me. nothing like he other major metros.. but the fact that what used to be just mangalore alone has become dakshina kannada and udpi district itself is testimony to the effects of modernity..


quite a few of the old buildings have gone. the new ones seem jarring. out of place. ugly even especially to someone who has been raised on the staple diet of mangalore tiles and an almost 'rustic' attitude to life ;). even the poeple have changed. bollywood rears its ugly ass head in the way certain sections of people have begun to dress..

but somethings never change.. *sigh* the konkani community's preocupation with food and marriage is.... is.. i guess just sort of a topic of amusement now. but its very irritating when they go on and on about how they have a ' good boy' in mind!!???what the fuck? and god help you if refuse to eat in any konkani household! the one preparing the food (usually my grandma) will take personal offense and to add insult to the injury will report it to all the inmates/inhabitants of the household. not a very pleasant experience. when in doubt please eat! for the love of god eat! the coconut trees also remind me so much of mangalore.. thought i know most coastal areas are replete with the damn trees and the falling coconuts. not al have been razed to the ground to make way for some new building.. also the 'dress' that women prefer at any given point is the humble 'nighty'. its very intersting to note there is one to wear for the day one for the night. god forbid should you 'exchange' the two! the embarassment the ladies of the household will be face.. ;) but the true beauty of the place lies in its beaches!! especially the one in surathkal!! its beaauuttiifuul. clean. quite. and not a soul in sight. bliss.

the main reason i went there was to meet my grandma. and i dont want to ever go back. she is not well and probably wont live too long. and it takes too much control not to cry my heart out everytime i see her so weak. i really donot understand why she has to endure so much pain.. that too at the end of her damn life.

anyway the second reason was the thread ceremony of my cousin brother. it was an exhaustive inhouse affair with relatives and family.i was on my best behaviour.. much to the shock and amazement of mother dearest.

as i am writing this i realise that first - i want a house in mangalore. surathkal maybe. near the sea..there is a beach in the front yard and fields in the back. second- i can converse with the 'natives' in my broken kannada. not bad i say. and inevitably most know konkani, which becomes very embarassing( for mum not me!;) when i am fighting with mum. we usually revert to the mother tongue so people around donot have any idea what we are saying. lol!