finally finished 'the dark holds no terrors' -sashi despande yesterday.. hence couldnt get up for college today. anyway the book was better than i imagined. it wasnt just about a woman wringing her hands wondering what to do... it had a bit more.. but one line stayed with me.. towards the end of the novel sarita wonders that just because women give birth to babies does it mean they own them? how can it be 'my' child?? is the child an object meant to be possessed?
i posed the same question to my mother.. and of course that which does not have a set(read SAFE) answer is rejected. so she told me i should stop asking such 'innane' questions..
i really donot understand what parents assume/pressume by taking charge of their childrens lives.. are they trying to live their dreams through their kids lives? or is it some twisted pride in 'owning' state rank holders as childrens?? why arent children considered entities of their own? indiviuals? why are choices not provided? or alternatives accepted??!!!
personally u should love your children enough to let them go.. what is the point in deciding the safe route?? what if you child does nto want it?? and i seriously wonder how parents can make decisions for their children... personally i would be terrified. your deciding someone else's likes/dislikes.., life!!?? based on your likes and dislikes... what if your child turns around 15 years from now and asks why u made that choice?? or is that also an 'innane' question? to my mum it is so was wondering...
13 comments:
this is a never ending debate.
firstly....
from the perspective of parents,children are a part of themselves...something of personal importance....and so they associate their upbringing with their own success and failure as a person/parent.especially in indian society where children are considered "assets"...where children live with parents even till their death and after.
from the kids POV, i'd say upto adolescence they need somebody to fall back on emotionally and financially.a kinda moral support.but after that...they shud be let to go and find the purposeof their lives.thats where in our society,parents refuse to give in.
and thats pretty bad...cause minds at that age need to blossom on their own...with minimal external interference.but fear takes better of parents and independence is denied.opinions are forced.rebelions crushed .voices silenced.
so ultimately...i'd say, yes! parents have a right to decide for us until an age...they practically do own us and we need them.
BUT growing minds need more space proportionally.so jus let them be after an age (i wud even suggest .throwing them out after an age to fend for themselves...thats when both parties will recognise each others importance).let them dream unhindered and live as they desire.recognise their individuality.
heyy nice posts yaa
the over protection is due to fear...n fears due to attachment...n ofcourse love...so ths fear of losing..u knw...its jus tht.....fear of soo many thngs... all due to ths bondage...is there more to ths...i dno...u temme...
Good one!!!
its inane and not "innane"
@sreicanth: as usual mr.rationality has hit the nail on the head.. ;)yeah what u say does make sense. but i dont think so rationally when i fighting with my parents.. *sigh*
@candic: thanks for stopping by...
@anonymous;) thanks for the correct spelling..;)
yup...neither do i...life without spontaneous outbursts wud be suffocating.we need that outlet....whatever be the end result.
...and who is to blame if the children unconciously takes the wrong route and end up being thugs? Who should people blame? The child or the parents? If people blame the child, the child in turn blames the parents. Always. There is always a trade off. You cannot have everything you want, and thats rule no.1 of the game of life.
We follow multitude for most part of our lives..Be it education, profession, marriage or even the kind of friends we must keep is so conviniently dictated by parents or acquaintances...and they do so rightfully!! I am no exception and must confess most choices of my life were tailor made for me.And I continue to live still a life that wasnt my own decision at first place,reason-we cant break the conventional mould most of the times.
Why do you think our parents created us in the first place?
Some might justify it as the primal human instinct to beget progeny.
But I think they want to relive their dreams, complete aspirations, achieve ambitions they couldnt in their own past. Its like reincarnation of sorts.
Would you not like your daughter to be a frank, impatient,impulsive, sarcastic, indifferent, atheist, contradictory fashionista and a junkie hooked on caffiene ?
Well as far as the question of 'ownership' comes, I certainly hold the view that that they own us, for every breath we take, our feelings, our senses, our culture, our language all bear their origin with them.
Does the mother who nourishes the child in her womb with her own blood not own the child.
You would have very well remained a dormant foetus without senses or emotions had your mother not decided not to bear the pain called you
So for all that you have today, even if meagre, belongs and will continue to belong to your parents.
If you still believe they dont 'own' us, i think your logical reasoning should be challenged
PS. : Please bother to reply to my comment to 'TORN' (nice poem, though no rhyme :) )
what we really need is some kind of anarchy..spoonfeeding parents will b the end of society..a generation of disgruntled 30 year old childern cannot in any way contribute to any kind of developmnt..once ur 18 ur on ur own..work for ur bread n butter..earn n learn..economic freedom is not just pocket money..its also a responsibility..when u hav to pay for urself..its the only way children will grow up man..
@nikhil: thanks for stopping by...;)
ok rule number one there are no rules. in the game of life all rules the rules get broken. atleast once. but i agree with the concept of the trade off.. the blame game will continue. but personally i feel that any one can influence ur life the decision is ultimately yours..
@ anonymous: 1st thanks for stopping by. second im not an atheist. third (u may think im logically challenged..but!;) parents donot own their children. how can they?? children are seperate entities.. indiviuals. not possessions.. they are not inanimate objects. yes my mum went through hell to give birth to me.. and she still goes through it everyday.. point is that it does not mean she owns me!
i think we just have to agree to disagree on this... ;)
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