"they count on me to be strong when they are weak. But who's strong for me when i'm weak?"

if you don't act on what you say then your words don't really mean much do they??

iPhone

the title is self explanatory. **SIGH** :D :D :D

something old/ something new.

i have often wondered how people can forget their friends just because they are in romantic relationships. your friends have been there through the good, bad and the ugly. they have stood by you through your bad hair days, fat days and no money in the wallet days. they don't care what your bank balance looks like. or the fact that you might need five layers of make up to look presentable. they are unwaveringly loyal, and get your back almost every damn time.

i get your boyfriend/ girlfriend/husband/wife means a lot to you etc. but there comes a problem when you make some one your world (as opposed to a part of it). what will you do when the world comes crashing down? who is going to hold your hand when the going gets tough?

my friends are one of the best things that ever happened to me. and are my most favourite people in the world. they ground me. make me laugh. wipe my tears when im sad. and hold my hand and will continue to hold it through the good, bad and the ugly.

i know i dont really say it enough but they mean the world to me. thank you! :D

thought for the day

what other people think about you is none of your business.

organised chaos

first off i realised that i would be turning 25 this year. which is fucked up. cause 25 seems all old and grown up. i would have figured my life out. been in the line of my choosing. maybe made some step towards getting some place of my own. (ha. ha)

but its no where close to that. i still feel like i am drifting in and out of things. and that i am still so impulsive, that sometimes nothing seems sacred. and i like my job. but i dont think i love it. and as for getting my own place, i dont think that would be happening soon. i dont particularly feel responsible. or old. in my head i feel young (hence got the license to not take things too seriously)...

part 2: i miss my brother. its fun to have him around. he is family. and maybe even my grandma (mum's mum).

i dont really know if 2010 is going to be a good year. 2009 sucked ass towards the end. in a way things did even out. and that which has not killed me, has only made me stronger. but i dont want to have any high expectations from it.. dont really want to be shot down again.

and a question : do all good things come to an end??

hmmm..

do you think sometimes some one might be happier without you in their lives?

(not everyone are of the opinion that everything happens for a reason, no regrets in life.. blah)

q&a's

question: if your in a fucked up mood, is it fair to take it out on the people around you?

in the sense do you expect people to understand you, there by assuming you have the license to be the bitch??

(i would like to think that when i pms i hole up in my room and not meet people; thereby not transferring the love around. but i need to do a small survey to know the truth)

a whole new world

i wonder what it is like when some one makes you their entire world. might get a tad boring. since i like people with a backbone, and varied interests from mine. but everyone once in a while it just might be flattering to think your worth all that. to be that important that some one changes plans just to be with you, or do whatever you want to...

its amazing to have that bond with people where you can be honest and not be afraid to be yourself. or be afraid to open up cause your scared they might leave. or worse get hurt.

though lesson learnt the hard way pain and an adversary that does not kill you, will definitely make you stronger. maybe more vengeful even.

p.s: im still waiting for the words to turn into actions. and then maybe i can trust you.

to a new year; new beginnings *cheers*

reading a friends post made me realize how we often underestimate ourselves. and how, more often than not we run our selves down. we would never do that with a friend. why do we put ourselves through it?? cause at the end of the day we are decent human beings deep down and capable of a lot.. a lot more than we give ourselves credit for.

so i think this new years my resolution is :

• not to run myself down. and never to short change myself. in life. in love. in relationships.
• to not apologize for expecting. expectations from people and relationships in general is natural, and i guess human.
• to learn to drive :P

and to everyone out there happy new years. heres looking forward to an awesome 2010.

getting in to the xmas spirit.

the more trouble your in , the more you ponder over the meaning/meaninglessness of things in your life. and that is when you kind of figure out who your friends are. and well who are not. the last 3 months have been the worst iv had in a long time. and there are few who have stood by me. when i least expected it. and few who i thought would stand by me. and well didnt. did it hurt yes. a lot. especially since i dont make friends so easily. and it kills to lose those precious few. especially when the reason is miscommunication.

i am not interested in any more drama. or even socializing.

and as my christmas gift (apart from my friend :) i ask for peace of mind.

p.s: an iphone wont kill.

a few good things.

this post is only going to be about the good things going on in my life. not that many, but few to be thankful for sure.

the brother is back. bigger than before, but such a relief to have him home. life seems semi normal now.

the drama seems (seems might be the key word here) to have died down at least for now.

and i'm making myself my number one priority. self preservation above all else.

work is going good. i don't know if its sad to say i like my work life (which is more of chilling out than work) more than my social life (as small and insignificant as that is)

and work is the stability, maybe only stability in my life at the moment.

on a random note i have started reading the twilight series. and no i don't like it. but if i had to choose give me the wolf any day.

kapi has also reduced like mad. now i cant have more than my regulation few cups. which i think is a good thing. but i have been sleeping later and later everyday, thereby looking like a zombie at work. sighs.

must make effort to sleep early.

and a good good friend is back christmas eve! so there is my xmas gift :D :D :D

*SIGH*

i could do with some reassurance right about... now??

random

i wish some times words translate into actions. maybe then id believe you. maybe.

predictions and the like...

"You can get along with almost anyone today -- your great social energy really complements the needs of your peers! It's a great time to forge alliances with those you don't know well."

lol obviously my face book horoscope is fucked in the head. i have a splitting headache. broken my kapi diet of 2 cups a day. and been guzzling kapi, and no avail. sob. bye.

last resort

i miss the stability of detachment.

points of authority

having no regrets is part of my game plan for life. or sort of my game plan. cause' i believe that all experiences teach you something. (good, bad or ugly) and its up to you what you take away from the whole experience.

but sometimes you wonder if you did things differently would you be happier? or if you decided not to do something would some one else be happier? that is a scary thought that some one else's happiness/misery lies with you. even scarier that your own happiness lies with you. i not yet sure what role fate plays in my life. i would like to think that i control my life, and the outcome. but at the same time it so much easier to cut back, relax and let fate take over. and blame everything on karma and the like. if your not responsible for the outcome, you dont have to take punitive measures to rectify your mistakes if any.

its not a great thought that you have that much control over someone else's life. at least not for me.

such deep thinking for a sleep deprived mind. night.

note to self # 3

sometimes hope is all you got left.

small mercies

thank you god for the drama less weekend. amen.

a matter of perspective

sometimes if you let that massive ego go, and ask for help you will be surprised by the number of people willing to be there for you.

wether its about trusting the few. or just not alienating the whole lot, a bit of explanation goes a long way.

fingers crossed in hoping this week fares 1000 times better than the crappy weekend, and the shit that was last weekend.