synopsis

just narrowly missed some more media publicity. this time from makkal tv. now this channel i havent even heard of. so anyway they wanted to conduct a 15 minute session on how the fashion course empowers women. point to be noted it was all supposed to be in tamil!! anyway they decided they didnt want my brilliant sound bytes.. so that is that.

just saw half of "life in a metro". im really loving it. especially the songs.

and finished reading 'harry potter and the deathly hallows'. finally. didnt cry like i did for the previous two books. though i thought the ending with harry having children and the like killd it.. but yeah.

now goin to watch rest of "life in a metro."

15 mins of fame

ever since i have joined college (student/ faculty) i have been either modelling or come on television. this is not to say that i like the attention. im quite happy standing on the sidelines and watching the show. im very happy being the person behind the camera rather than infront of the camera. so yesterday jaya tv had come to college to shoot a segment of the students for mrs.homemakers. the students have to style 20 ladies for a reality show which will be aired from the 26th oct. which is basicaly from today onwards. the grande finale will take place on 21st Nov and that will be an onstage event like a regular beauty pageant.

so anyway yesterday the crew came to shoot the segment, and it was supposed to be a small segment with the students explaining some sari drapes and the styling that the students will be doing on the final day. as the lovely day dawned i thought i would leave mid way as i was sick. viral fever and the like. but what was supposed to be a small segemnt became a two hour affair with the contestants "ramp walking" in the classroom and more than the 20 mins of sound bytes from a very sick baliga. why they wanted me on camera was beyond me. i didnt have anything to do with the whole thing.

though photos of the students work over the past few years in college as well as styling for the finale all have been showcased along with me blabbering in english, which will be dubbed in tamil for the viewers.. thye actually wanted me to speak in tamil for the segment.. which would have been hilarious.. you tube stuff even.. :P

though feeling better and still dying with the after effects of ze fever..

building blocks.

i think i should add building 'castles in the air' to my skill sets in the resume. if i go by what i had planned for myself and where i see myself.. with 5 year plans all chalked out nice and neat i would have taken over some small country or something.. sigh. but the catch being they are all in my head. in reality i cant seem to show enough passion for most things in life. i mean i have a lot of interests and i want to do a lot of things. but setting them in motion seems like such a task. i know "they" say the start is the most difficult. but some where down the line i tend to lose the fire that in started the venture with. not to say ill bail out. ill last it through if i have to but the interest would have died..

and i also realised that people matter quite a bit to me. not too many people but the few who get under my skin seem here to stay. and for those few im willing to do whatever it takes. i dont see the point in making a lot of money if there is no time and no one to spend it with.

im hoping soon enough id find something that i truly want to do.. and something id feel so passionately about to last through the good bad and ugly. while at the same time have those precious few around to share it with. hopefully.

incomplete

i strated reading 'the unbearable lightness of being' over 2 months back. and never got to finishing it. this is the second book in my whole life that i have left mid way. The introduction was brilliant. but somehere down the line i lost the inclination to complete the book. though from the first 4 pages of the book two things have stayed with me:

• first is Neitzsche's concept of eternal return :

What, if some day or night a demon were to steal after you into your loneliest loneliness and say to you: 'This life as you now live it and have lived it, you will have to live once more and innumerable times more' ... Would you not throw yourself down and gnash your teeth and curse the demon who spoke thus? Or have you once experienced a tremendous moment when you would have answered him: 'You are a god and never have I heard anything more divine.' [The Gay Science §341]

Eternal return (also known as "eternal recurrence") is a concept which posits that the universe has been recurring, and will continue to recur in the exact same self-similar form an incomprehensible and unfathomable number of times. - Botyh quotes taken from wikipedia.

• second the concept of life being a sketch. the basic idea is that if life is sketch and we assume/ presume that we have only one life to live. then something done only once, could not/ need not have happened at all. a very pessimistic view as far as i see it. but it is an interesting concept.

i tend to read books, watch movies/ plays essentially for the concept and execution of the concept. i can read anything, and very few books tend to impress me concept wise.. ever since i have completed my loving course in literature i cant seem to just read things.. i tend to analyse them.. and conceptualise them... this is quite frustrating at times.

MOOD i :)

our 2 themes for mood i :

• one is music based. be inspired by a music genre/ artists/ styling etc and create ur own interpretation of the whole thing. rock/ pop/ hiphop/ country/ oriental/ regional etc etc. should be easy right? wrong. this where we have come up with the most cliched ideas ever. sigh. back to the drawing board with this one.

• second is based on "opposites attract". polarities. right/ wrong, good/ bad, white/ black, yin/yang. on this one we have a very very decent theme. and we have the styling et all figured out :)

now its a matter of putting across our concept decently. and having fun in mood i. minus the fights hopefully.

sing for the moment.

certain songs have always filled with a certain type of emotion. if its sad/ melancholic then i feel sad/ depressed automatically. though i might have been the happiest person on the planet right uptill then. and certain songs never fail to make me upbeat and lift my mood irrespective of how sad i have been. music has mostly influenced my moods/ mood swings. not vice versa. and not to say these mood swings last too long. after the song im fine. just during the duration of the song ... its like i become some one else.. and off late its these totally bollywood numbers that have been getting me happy/ sad as the case maybe :P

ohh and tomorrow is a holiday, being ayudh puja and the like :) after a loong time a phull weekend (sat and sun). wheeeeeeee :D

a walk to remember.

everytime i go for a walk to boat club road i am remembered of the countless times i have gone there with a good friend of mine. we used to go there everyday between 5-7 and, just walk. and ofcourse gossip for the entertinment quotient. the houses in the lane are simply superb. and all we used to do aside from the gossiping was oogle at the houses! if not the houses then the dogs. (no the men are quite ugly) i remember even being bitten by one such loving dog on christmas no less. but the memories that the lane conjures up are myriad. and each one is special. the houses, dogs, people. the gosip sessions on the road. then going into boat club and eating icecream, thereby defeating the actual purpose of the walk... all brilliant.

yesterday i went for a walk after a long time. and i realised that i havent been out to that road to just talk a walk in forever! and instead of the usual one hour that i had planned on walking i ended up walking for 2 straight hours. by the time i reached home i was dying from the walk. but was so worth the effort.

simple pleasures.

mood indigo ground work to start in full swing from tomorrow. and its quite amazing to note that a year has gone by. and so frigin fast at that. last year the whole bunch of us were so disinterested in going. and there were oh so many fights. this year i cant say anything about them fights. they will def happen. but we are all excited about the whole thing. plan to shop. shop shop. attend all the concerts/performances. and hope to see them hawt punjabi boys again :) ahhh the joy called life. :)

watte bootiful life.

i swear life cant get better than this. Saturday we had a fashion shoot for like 5 hours. where i modelled. which was brilliant fun. then sunday, monday(due to bandh) and tuesday(gandhi jayanti) holiday! i love this long weekend. i actually thought i would haul ass to bangalore or something. but didnt.. but yeah. i still slept late. got up later. ate. slept. ate. slept. tv. music. ate. tv. :)))) and there is still one more day to go! wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

overload.

the college has been invited to design the costumes for the entire duration of an event. the event in question is a mrs.chennai type thingy. and the students are incharge of the costumes and the styling for all ze ladies from the start to the finale. im very apprehensive about the whole thing considering the amount of resposiblities that the students have to undertake. but they seem very keen to work on the entire project. so im not going to be a wet blanket on the whole thing. if possible pictures will be updated.

subject matter.

"Dont explain yourself to anyone.

the ones who love you dont need it.

and the ones who need an explanation shouldnt matter"

how i wish everyone would just follow this. its soooo irritating having to answer people. the minute i feel i 'need' to give people an explanation i tend irritated. one thing that i really detest is telling people what i have been upto, where i have been, what im doing etc. etc. when people i dont give a rat's ass for asks such questions i give vague answers. there by leading to more specific questions regarding what i have been upto. leading to more vague answers. its a vicious cycle i say. that's not to say that just because i love you i can deal with questions. im more tolerant if i love you thats about it. the thing is that the people who matter just know whats going on in you life without any explanations. those who dont know well...

i have a problem with authority. i think that sums it up.

Tagged

7 random facts about moi. hopefully they will be intersting as well :P

• i am not particularly intersted in making new friends. i might seem outgoing. social.. blah. but when u meet someone and you have to be nice (all over again), open your self up... at times its not just worth the effort. i quite happy with having just the few in my life..

• i like my space more than people.sounds highly bitchy yes i know. but its quite true. and if i had to choose i would choose my space.. that way i can decide who i let in.. i cant even deal with meeting people on a regular basis, though i can be in constant touch through sms's/msn/ emails/mail.

• i dont like skirts/dresses.its not about the length. i would gladly wear short shorts.. but somehow i never quite took a liking to skirts or dresses.

• i get bored very easily.i cant sit through a movie. i cant be with a person (any person) for more than a couple of hours. i cant listen to the same kind of music for too long. and say im depressed after about an hour i get 'bored' and im back to my usual self.. (not to say i am ms. sunshine.. but you get the drift.) maybe this has got to do something with a short attention span or smething..

• five minutes in any moving vehicle is enough to lull me to sleep. though i have a particular fondness for cars :P

• im scared of crossing roads.. its traumatic for me.. i always have the feeling that im going to get run over... so stop with the laughing. btw, i think its just that im scared of traffic cause i havent learnt to drive as yet...

• i dont like crowds. and i hate being in the spotlight. hence i detest going out for dinners. there seem to be so many people around you, that i cant concentrate on the food or the conversation. even at a coffee place i always. always choose the side tables.. its like i want to disappear into the walls or something.. and if theres is no side table i prefer takeaway rather than sit in the centre and not be able to enjoy my kapi.

and i tagggg??

Ok.

Rads.

be nice and indulge me :)

see you on the other side.

this seems to be the damn year for marriages! all my close friends have been married or are getting married. and i so dont want to even think about the concept. but it seems to scary that everyone is so comfortable with the idea of spending their whole life with one person. i have so many doubts and insecurities. not to mention the fact that i get bored very easily, people or otherwise. and now the quintessential question is when are you getting married? im like what makes you think i want to get married?? quite surprisingly this hasnt yet come from my mother. father is just plain scared to broach the topic with me. its the people around us asking such brilliant questions. they dont really seem to have a life or even a semblance of it, especially since all they want to know is when i want to get married.

on the brighter side though, we have called to be apart of Mood Indigo, in the fashion show yet again :) Mood Indigo conjures memories. some awesome. some not so awesome. but overall a very memorable trip. the 60 odd photos i had taken is testimony to that fact. this year hopefully we will have as much fun, minus all the drama. so yay!

oh snap.

i think i tend to fuck things up for myself more than anyonelse ever can. i care when its not necessary. and dont give a shit when its due. im so indifferent at times i think it drives people mad. and inevitably driving them away... or worse makes things highly ambiguous. i dont realise who i am getting attached to, and who really matters till its almost over. and at this point i dont know what i want any more. and whats more freaky everyone around me seems to know exactly where their life is headed and what they want out of it. i think if i just figured what i expect from life i should be ok. but that means being very honest with oneself. which i am not ready for at the moment. and to add to the joy i have parents who want to know what my future plans are. its not that i need an entire 5 year plans mapped out. but i just need to figure out a vague direction.

whats even more brilliant, over the last couple of days i just figured out im not as indifferent as i thought. i need people (some. certain people ;), i need to know i am not alone. i need to know that i have some sort of support. and this this just sums up a really fuck all introspective week from hell.

i need a drink right about now.

a walk to remember.

first off all i celebrated teachers day as a teacher :)

now back to the post. the day before teachers day i was taking my lovely walk in the blazing sun. usually i go for a walk between 1-2. but due to some crappy budget work i took the walk around 3. as i was walking i realised that the person coming towards me was my old teacher from stella maris. :) my first reaction was to not ackowledge her. not out of any 'attitude' problems. but the simple reason that i did not think she would remember me. i am one of those average students who do their work dilligently and leave. i am not the naughty one in class neither am i the brilliant soul. i like to blend. standing out isnt exactly top priority so i didnt think she would remember me. and she was the strictest teacher that we had, and we were all scared of her. but we all wanted her approval as well. :P so as i am walking towards her i decide to say hi.

me : hi mam. how are you? do u remember me?

mam: hello! of course i remember you. i tought you for 3 years!

what have you been upto?

me: im teaching now (with big smile)

mam: really? brilliant. and how is it going?

me: very frustrating mam. but a good experience at the same time.

mam: (with her usual ambiguous smile) good good. now you know life on the 'other side'

me: yes mam can see your enjoying my plight.

after this point mam left, and i continued on my walk. but the fact that she remembered who i was has put me on cloud # 9. its quite amazing how the small things make me happy :) that really did make my day.

work it.

and im (re:) joining gym today. its at the end of the damn lane yet i can never seem to haul ass to gym. maybe this around ill actually get fit. and use the membership. now if there was only some motivational factor like hawt boys with hawter bodies to haul ass for. but sighhh nothing along those lines.

we are a family.

im searching for apartments. i need to leave my lovely house. peace of mind is hard to come by even with two floors in a huge independent house. though now comes the hard apart to telling father dearest that i am leaving. i think he might just disown me after this fight. mother just exists. she never seems to have an opinion of her own. father thinks he owns the rest of us. we got a good family set up going.

in the midst of this the entertainment is that brother is the stud muffin in the phamily. his new girlfriend is from pakistan. :) if father found out i might be the only child. or orphaned. actually maybe not. parents have a hypocritical attitude towards the whole, hes a boy let him be. shes a girl what will other people think shit going on. so anyway... now apart from kiwi (short for karachiwalli as i louving call her) there are is another new love in brothers life. :) and he blushes like a gurl :PPP its good fun to trip on him. apparently they kiwi and him even have a song of their own. brother gets very soft an managable when he is in love. and i louuve telling him how cuuutteee he looks blushing. and brother gets very offended as he is 6'3" and huge. and i keep calling him a cuddly teddy bear. i did this in public much to his horror and disbelief. And brother dearest turned 21 on saturday. so god save the world now that he is legal to do whatever he wants.

lets talk.

i dont think father and his children namely brother and me are destined to get along. i have waaayy to much attitude when it comes to the man. and he assumes that he still has some control over us. yesterday's "conversation" came out of nowhere. point to be noted father and me do not see each other on a regualr basis. hes a workaholic and im plain anti social where family is concerned. yesterday i had not goen to work, and father had just arrived from one of his innumerable business trips. we were watching tv in peace, when all of a sudden he decides to ask me about my future. my goals. my ambitions. blah blah. im looking at him incredulously cause we never talk! and now he wants to bond. i get all defensive and not answer the questions. after a point i kinda lost it with the man. " What do you plan to do after this?, what are your future goals?" and im like " are you funding me for anything?" father was like do i need to fund you to ask the question. then came the icing on the cake " what is our relationship?!" father asked. " nothing." pat came my response. and i must admit this came quite out of reflex than anything else. so you can imagine the line of thought/conversation.

i was gunning for a new laptop from father. but i dont think any of that will be happnign ever. and he managed to connect 5 different things and now if i push this furthur the existing one i have also will be taken away.

the thing is usually i get upset with every fight and sit and cry like a 2 year old. but this time i really did not get what the man is pissed off about. quite honestly we donot have any relationship what so ever. i never see him and hence see no need to bond with him when i do see him. father seems to be in his own sweet world if he thinks daughter or son for that matter has any attachment towards him. this i think came as a rude shock for daddy dearest.

point is, if you donot invest and work towards a relationship(or a semblance of one) how can you expect anything out of it??

curiosity killed the cat.

yesterday i was chatting with a good friend (mango dearest :) and it was sooo nice to connect with someone after all the idiots around you. just chilling with her in the class made me realise that i am not cut out for social gatherings that require you to make small talk with a drink in your hand. infact too much small talk might drive me to the drink. i have always thought that to get to know someone you would have to get to know them for atleast a little while.. say a couple of months? and i mean really know a person.. im not talking superficial nonsense. point is that while i was chatting with her she tells me that her boyfriend told her that i seem the person to fall in love hard. which no one i know would ever say since i come across like a badass bitch 24/7. i was really taken aback. especially since i have never really chatted with the boy. so i asked her what made him think that.. and she said he figured this out from a conversation that lasted approximately 5 mins (and that i dont remember at all!) in pune atleast 8 months ago. now i was even more intrigued. though that was the end of that conversation. the thing is that he is spot on in his assessment. except i have no idea how he figured that out, especially since in soo indifferent to all and sundry unless i really like them.. i need to chat with the boy like now!

learn to uhhh drive?

and since im quite comfortably bored ill entertain you all with a story of when baliga learnt to drive. ok i never learnt but got close to it. so anyway a friend and moi decided to go to periamedu and get him a leather wallet. me being the oh so haute fashionista is supposed to know all the hot spots for clothes and like. but the thing is along with the place i should know the directions to the place. i must say i am quite good with directions. usually i can remember a place after travelling there just once. but, well there is an exception to every case. and of course the friend in question does not know the way. annnd his car is acting up. he took over an hour to come in the first place. anyway so we set out to get the aforementioned wallet. except i got a tad bit confused with the left and right turns. and so we had to double back to get to the place. we were on the main road in Park Town and at the U turn is when the lovely car battery died! we tried to get people to push the car but they were all being such pricks and refused to help. so my friends ingenious idea is to get me to drive the car while he pushes it.

a couple of points to be considered: i dont know how to drive. that aside im afraid of the traffic. this si the main road. and the car has stalled at the U turn. and well im afraid of the damn traffic!

ok now back to the fun stuff. i got out and sat in the drivers seat. except i dont know how to drive. i think i have mentioned that point before. though friend tries to give me a crash course in driving. after seeing my horror stricken face he decided not to risk his car getting damaged beyond repair. so we got out and pushed the car to the side. and decided to decently call the tow truck.

i did not learn to drive. though i learnt that maybe i should never attempt driving. or learning to drive. and the friend in question refuses to teach me to drive even under less stressful circumstances. not that i want to learn anyway. but yeah. all in a days work.