london calling.

life does come one full circle. and what begins has an ending. a year back after all those awful fights and arguments with my parents out of complete desperation and anger i did finally join a fashion college. and i was so jaded about the whole college, the people, the teachers. i reconciled myself to it. college and back is all i thought. but then strange things happen. when you least expect it life throws at you curve balls which since you never expect it, it hits you straight in the head.

i dont remember the times when we have hung out, or all the fun things we have done. but i will never forget the first day. i wore those awful jeans and a t-shirt that aptly said 'all stressed out and no one to choke', and you wore a kurta (black and white i thnk..) and black jeans. i was supposed to sit next to some others. but i thought what the hell and sat next to you. from then on there was no looking back. the numerous shopping trips, clubbing, coffee drinking sprees, last minute plans, raving and ranting sessions... they are all a blur.

now sweetheart you are on your way to london.. probably there by now. ( and i soo wanted to come to see you off at the airport!) i am soo happy for you. your dream has come true. and yet i am so sad.. i selfishly want you to stay here, shop/ club/bitch with me. i wanted to do so many things before you left. we should have gone to bangalore. we should have gone clubbing once more. maybe one more shopping trip. it hasnt yet hit me that you have gone. unless im going to pick up that cell hear that the sim has been deactivated it wont hit me. and then its going to hurt like a bitch.

when you left the damn college for better pastures me being the 'optimist' that i am, thought that was the end of our lovely friendship... i somehow think all relationships will come to an end. but its been close to a year and we are closer than ever. and your one of my best friends. it hurts so much to think that life is going to go this way for another year till i get there myself. ( pls find that rich dude soon!;). but i know ill get over it. and i know you will kick ass in london. and i know you will be famous. and successful. and still remain the same person that i know and love.

somehow i cant seem to tell you all this face to face.. i just balk at the idea of wearing my heart on my sleeve. and somehow i find it easier to say the most important things, to the most important people in my life through a mail. or worse a blog. yesterday i was just getting ready for an emotional meltdown, when i decided to leave. i must have just metioned to you, that i will miss you. how much, only i know. so you be a good girl and start saving money for me to join you. i have aldready started my 'move ass to london fund'. mail me once your settled down. bye babe. miss you. and love you loads.

think pink.

my teacher says that im too 'kick ass' and dont seem like a 'pink person'. i really donot understand why you need to love chick flicks, skirts and flowers to like pink. i prefer action films. donot like romantic movies. dont own a skirt (dont think a micro mini, which friend gifted, counts;). not crazy about flowers.. or things conventionally girly yet i louve pink. the point isnt what my teacher said or didnt say. its is just that we tend to stereotype people based on their personalities/ musical inclinations/ lifestyle/ dressing. which i think is unfair. no indiviual is entirely black or white. everyone is a mix of the two. and to categorise people into norms/ conventional stereotypes is.. well stupid. simply because in the real world there are no cliches.

fun times.

two significant events. not that too many people care.. but... ;)

• nokia pc suite software functioning a-ok and i have uploaded some pictures onto the photo blog. finally!!! and i didnt have to delete any pictures from the cell. this is very good news.
• second i got the internship with the stylist. and things are hectic... but interesting. so alls good for now. ;)

Encore.

hey there can you sing a song for me?

perhaps hold me a little while longer..

guess i didn't try hard enough,

or.. you just didn't want to stay.

at times i read so much into those small things you do.
words, actions, nuances.
i read, so much into those little things,
though we are not meant to be..
i cant help wishing, what if?
so, im here again, asking one more time

hey there can you sing a song for me.
and, hold me a little while longer.

with or without you.

having a brother is a pain in the ass. i mean it. and that too is he one year younger than you its a serious pissoff! you tend to go through the angsty teenage phase together, there by hating each other, fighting, ratting out on each other. yeah i feel bad for my mother thinking about it. but considering that there is only a year and like 3 months difference we get along very well. now that is. i remember right upto first year of college some 3 years back i hated his guts. and vice versa. but hate him or love him, you cant live without him. he is the one person i call family. hes the only one who knows what is happening in my life, and this works the other way around too. there is so much i can learn from him its not funny. the dogged determination , and single minded pursuit of what he wants, the drive to complete the task at hand, dedication, and endurance. he approaches everything that interests him with so much enthusiam and determination that when he fails, i feel bad/angry for him. when he likes something/ someone he wears his heart on his sleeve. dont think he would like to know this though.

the reason that there is so much love in the air for my 'baby bro' is that he has been selected as a probable for the indian team in rowing. and if he gets through the final selection he will be representing the country at the asian games. and but of course he did not tell me parents till a couple of days ago. ( my bro rocks i say;). he is leaving to hyderabad for an intensive three month training camp, and i will miss him. :( and i hope he'd kick some serious ass baby!

thank you.

some lessons in life are learn't best through pain. otherwise we just wouldnt appreciate the joys, that we more often than not tend to take for granted. but its not about the pain any more its learning to cope with it knowing that there will be something at the end of it. not just anything, but something better. at times i get so caught up in my own little world with its trivialities that i tend to forget the bigger perspective/ picture. and i need small nudges in the right direction. these more often than not come from the most unexpected places and the most unexpected people. i have a tendency to judge people. not in terms of how much money/ how goodlooking.. but judge people in terms of how close i need to get to them. its purely based on self preservation. and when i tend to do this i never go back on my first impression. which isnt a good thing. except so many times i have been proven wrong that i have to go back and re think my 'choices'. the point to this long winding introduction is that as said a gazillion times my friends mean the world to me. but at times you tend to take them for granted. and i have done just that. and i feel like shit.

there are some friends who are there for me all the time that i tend to take their presence for granted. they are always there just a call away, a message away.. whatever. but the point is that they listen to my nonsense, my ravings and rantings wihtout so much as a judgment. no advice offered unless asked. and i have never told my friends how much they mean to me. as college/ school friends will add testimnoy to this fact, they donot care what i wear, what i dont wear, or how i look. i am just me. and they accept me with my positive and negative points. well to cut the long story short i just want to thank them for being there for me. though i maynot be there for them at times... and listening to my bullshit at ungodly hours. and providing the much needed sanity/ rationality to my insane thoughts and ideas.

its getting hawt in here. ;)

well college isnt as bad i thought it would be.. maybe that is because i donot have to juggle work and studies as yet.. once that starts maybe it would be sad.. ;) maybe. yesterday we started with our first module: mens illustration ;) and the homework was to 'read/observe' men's magazines. so i spent quite a bit of the day gawking at hot international/ indian models.. it is the teachers orders after all,and im not the one to disobey. no sir! lol.. and today we had to draw poses of our own.. or try to draw poses from magazines. the poses have come out vey nicely i must say.. and the men look very hot! so my friend and me spent time after college (have i ever voluntarily stayed back) deciding who we are going to draw for tomorrows class.

oh but i got up late today and i dont think the teacher bought the ' i was late because i had a family emergency excuse' ;). she told me to get up earlier for tomorrow's class..

24/7

monday college starts full swing and it will be back to the grind/ routine.. whatever. and ill be working as well.. college from 8.30 -11.30 and then work. yay! so all this adds to the joy called life. monday we are supposed to present a mood board depicting/ expressing ourselves through a collage... and im wondering how to describe self destructive rebel through pics.. but considering that the rest of the class has conviniently forgotten the project the teacher will excuse us after the usual 'im disappointed' speech (uhh like we care!). after a holiday how exactly does one get up at 7 for college?? im pissed of thinking of college...

and at the end of the day i realise that i am not into the 'work thing'.. im all for the easy money.. and i want to try/ freelance in every thing.. writing/ designing/ styling/ travel.. blah blah.. and i dont want to work 24/7 either. there is no such thing as easy money.. and that is a piss off. i want to be my own boss, do my own sweet thing, and well just 'hang ten'.. the words rat race and ambition are not understood . its like my mind on a vacation every since i finished my undergraduate degree. i think i wana freelance in life. yeah i should just get a t-shirt that says that.

back in business.

are we back to the normal white backgound?? someone please let me know.. its white on my computer.. and i can access my blog from the pakistani site... atleast the mind numbing pink has been removed.

college officially starts from next week.. and i (being a creature of habit) have gotten used to sleeping at 3-4 in the morning and getting up for lunch at 12. how the hell am i supposed to get up next monday i have no idea. a typical day includes zero activity.. or too much activity.. i swing between the two extremes.

yesterday was one of the days of extreme actvity. i left my house at 11 in the morning and returned exactly 12 hours later. spent the better part of the day shuttling between grocery stores and supermarkets. the occassion? my friend was having guests over and i was helping prepare dinner. ok... my friend and me made the 'pineapple suprise' while her mother made the main course et all. donot assume that i have become domestic (i am not probably will never be!). so we finally got the ingridients together and started on what was supposed to be 'pineapple souffle'. incase your wondering why its pineapple and not the trusted choclate, her sister is pregnant so something pineapple was the only thing she could stomach. that was before she knew what we were making. ';) so the mix was made.. and we well were impatient and the souffle did not set. so we contemplated making the pineapple souffle the drink to be seved before/ with meal. finally we did serve the dessert, which her sister christened 'pineapple suprise'. it did not turn out too badly, and i am not kidding! all in all a good day.

so to make up for the 'activity' and the walking done yesterday, today was a lazing around day.. unless you count colouring my hair as activity for the day.

random stuff.

ok well the government did block blogger.. and i ahve not been able to access my blog in some time.. and well i read this article in the newspaper which said that if you go to www.pkblogs.com/.. you can access all the banned websites ;). and lo behold i can check my blog. but its in a very very 'bright' shade of pink. those of you reading this could you please tell me if my blog is bright pink on your computer screen as well?? and if it is how can i get back my old white background? though i louve pink the new avatar is giving me a head ache. and i cannot access any of the other blogs directly as well.. i have to go to the above said website and write the blog addresses to view the blogs.

ok now that we got that out way... what have i been upto? ok i would like to assume all are interested:) so.. saw a lot of films.. i saw ' the exorcism of emily rose'... and i was never a fan of the exorcist to begin with and this new movie just reaffirmed that faith. though the movie essentialy deals with the trial of the priest after the exorcism ritual.

and i bought the dvd of 'love actually' this is the only romantic comedy i think i have liked.

tomorrow college begins for the undergraduate students but i thought that i would go to keep them company.. since i am such a lovely person and all..lol. actually i am bored out of mind and i thought if everyone is meeting up in college to study lets join the fun. college is not exactly like the jail type facility called stella maris (my previous college). its more informal and chilled out. we listen to music and like never do any work on time. though the new teacher promises massive changes in the working system, without the co-operation of the students i would like to see how the plans are going to work.

ok that's it for now..

hello.

honestly i figured considering all the airtime this 'issue' (ISP blocking blogging sites) is getting blogger would have been blocked or whatever. but lo and behold im blogging. but now that i realise i can blog.. and donot have to rant about the freedom of speech.. and how the government cannot tell us what to do, i realise that i donot have anything to say. like there used to be a time where i would blog like everyday.. about something or other.. college, teachers.. blah. if nothing i would give reviews. but now i cannot write about anything, somehow i donot think its writers block..

space jam.

most people (atleast the ones i have to interact with on a daily basis) donot understand the concept of 'space'. lets not break it down to definitions... but why do people feel the need to be connected 24/7?? if i donot call/ sms/ mail you in the last one hour does it mean i dont give a shit for you? or is it that constant contact with other people makes you less aware of the meaningless existence that you lead? i really do not understand such people. sometimes they suffocate you so much you start to feel like your in a damn relationship. when you are not! 'no', 'fuck off', 'back off'.. are words unheard of. hence the constant need to meet for coffee, chai, juice, lunch, dinner.. wherever, whenever, whatever! maybe i require more space than the average person.. or so it would seem when compared to the people in my life. but i cannot meet people on a regular basis. (especially if i cannot relate to them) once a week and after that my patience starts to wear thin. a sample telephone conversation/sms always starts with 'sup? so.. when we meeting up?' if you do tell them that you have a life beyond them, then apparently you are 'putting up your price'. i have tried to tell them to fuck off.. but like said its not a word that is understood.. you donot have to be a rocket scientist to understand that do you?! but when we do meet, there is no conversation, because i honestly donot give a shit.. and cannot be bothered to be nice or social.

*sigh*.

the week that was..

the week started on a brilliant note thanks to my grandmother who thinks i donot go to the temple like a dutiful hindu should. question 1) if i go to the temple does it mean im praying? 2) if i donot go does it mean i am an atheist?... neither of which they could answer.

so spent the better part of everyday this whole week out of the house. i came back only to sleep and change clothes. but the fight did some good.. for one parents sick of the arguments have gone to goa... two i have spent more time with my friends than i have done so in the last one month.

saw a japanese film 'like an asura' and laughed my ass off... ;), ate truck loads of ice cream after a long time and walked back home after the film at 10 in the night... never realised chennai was so beautiful to walk in at night... or maybe it was just the company. the beauty of it lies in the fact that my mother was trying so very hard to contact me (6 missed calls), and the cell was on silent mode. so she thought that i had probably been kidnapped and was on the verge of sending out a search party when i reached home.

and that very night, i spoke to parents about higher education.. for once it was a conversation, rather than the usual raving and ranting that i do. and mum is game with me going abroad (for now), dad is resigned to the idea after one year of anti-social behaviour from my side.

alls well that ends well?? some how i dont think so...

where da partay at??

i have lost all interest to party al at the 'ripe' age of 21.. in fact i go out of my way to get out these invites..not to say there are too many... or that i am party animal. am not. but even those parties (the few that are happening) donot interest me.. i would rather chill at home.. or just go out with friends (some of who would rather be at the parties).. read even! the thought of getting dressed then putting up with random guys/ girls/ whatever hitting on you... hmm, the hypocrisy sickens me.. and the music (house) gets to me.. i feel old just writing this. but i still donot feel any urge, need or compulsion to attend these 'dos'...

REALLY??

Your Seduction Style: Au Natural

You rank up there with your seduction skills, though you might not know it. That's because you're a natural at seduction. You don't realize your power! The root of your natural seduction power: your innocence and optimism. You're the type of person who happily plays around and creates a unique little world. Little do you know that your personal paradise is so appealing that it sucks people in. You find joy in everything - so is it any surprise that people find joy in you? You bring back the inner child in everyone you meet with your sincere and spontaneous ways. Your childlike (but not childish) behavior also inspires others to care for you. As a result, those who you befriend and date tend to be incredibly loyal to you.

What Kind of Seducer Are You?

thought for the day.

everyday you learn something new and wierd about yourself.. not that isnt the thought. more like an introduction.. so lets get cracking, well today i learnt that if i meet people who might be connected to accquaintances i know then i wont open up to them... its like i want people as single entities.. without a background. a history. past. when i meet people i want to meet them and not know there are fifty others out there who know them. not know them better... just know them.. that alone is irksome...but this is not to say that i think people are possesions (spelling?). far from it actually. i know that people will have past... inevitably the world is a damn village... but once in a while when i do meet people i relate to i want..... well i want them for myself.

the coolest cheese ;)

for those who donot know why this post has been titled so.. and that im guessing is pretty much everyone.. the coolest cheese is the name given to me by my classmate. it basically means i handled the pressure well.. what pressure?? well today was the final day of the design project.. and me being well.. me put off everything(all the stitching) till the very last hour literally. project submission was at five and i started cutting fabric at 4. dont i rock??!

but unlike the last time.. and completely unlike me, i did not react at all under the pressure. every one around me was going mad.. running around, drawing, taking printouts, stitching screaming.. yeah you get the point im sure.. me on the other hand was 'sage like'.. sort of like in a trance. i didnot react even to the most vile insult, and had a beatific smile to give to all those around me.. and one my friends who was going to help me stitch was panicking that i had not yet cut the fabric.. my response ' it will happen in due course' and yet another smile.

so he asked me later why i was so cool under pressure when usually i go down like a ton of bricks.. my response.. sometimes when you know your going to go down.. down all the way you just switch off? yeah that was me today. if the roof had caved in when i was stitching i probably would'nt have reacted...

ironically i finished all the stitching. and i did it by myself though a friend offered to do it for me.. and i did a decent job(read: the stitches will hold till evaluvation;).. and the good news so did all my classmates. in every situation come what may we donot forsake each other.. though a couple of us finished early( no not me i was 'sage like' on the sewing machine) we stayed back to ensure everyone finished their work and submitted everything to the invigilator. we look out for each other every step of the way.. and we have known each other only for a year.. ;)

donot know what i would have donw without you guys.

children of boredom.

everytime i have to do work (read: study!) i feel the need... no actually i have to procrastinate.. im checking out random blogs.. checked my mail like a thousand times... neither msn nor yahoo are signing in... so im insanely bored. so what do i do?? decide to write about it. today was supposed to go to college to finish off the design project but couldnt as the teacher threw us out. we can work only on weekdays apparently.. wonder who died and left them incharge??!!

annywwayyy... was supposed to partay today.. but courtesy the 'homework' for the project due , im spending the saturday night doing homework. how good am i?? huh?? ;)

ok im going to go.

hmmmmm...

Polyamory

You want to have your cake... and everyone else's. Which isn't a bad thing, if everyone else gets to eat too! You're too much of a free spirit to be tied down by a traditional relationship. You think relationships should be open and free, with few restrictions.

What's Your Ideal Relationship?

well loved the first line... and the rest also sounds true...

p.s: was this bored yesterday.

R.I.P

Your Famous Last Words Will Be:

"I dunno, press the button and find out."

What Will Your Famous Last Words Be?