cry me a river.

i donot know why tears are considered sort of like a measuring unit for grief/sorrow... i think the eyes are the most expressive feature in any person... and poignant grief manifests itself in the eyes. the mind even.

tears are but a reaction... sort of like the body/ mind/ soul (whichever..) coming to terms with the loss or tragedy..

i am not very good at hiding my emotions... but then again i react to very little in life.. so loss of someone in the family who is/ was not close to me does not mean im going to cry.. at the same time i am not heartless..

nothing in life is indispensable...neither me nor you... so time does away with the pain but the loss still lingers.

indifference is an attitude.

finally saw 'rang de basanti'... and to be honest im not too impressed by the film.. it started out nicely.. because more than tears and horror.. humor gets people more involved in any situation/ incident. it creates a bond. but i thought that the film meandered towards the end...

but one point that struck me during the film was that when shraman joshi (i think..) says " so what we'll kill the defense minister..?!" ......the audience laughed.. the point of the film was lost.. and towards the end became a farce...

the film is trying to get the audience aged 20-25 to react, to stand up.. revive nationalism.. patriotism..etc etc.. but a section of the targeted audience laughs at one of the pivotal scenes in the film... (i am no different.. it sounded ridiculous to me also..) then it makes me wonder if there is something wrong with just our reaction ....or the way the writers and film makers seem to take the targeted age group for granted.

rehash some old plot and preach to the audience about the freedom struggle, and that gets the point across? right? wrong! i wish they would acknowledge that we have minds that go along with the it- industry sponsored bank balances.

please excuse... ;)

i am not psychotic its just that i like personality tests... one of my quirks i guess.. anyway bear with me... these are the only ones im taking... for now.. ;) comments r welcome esp from the people who know me..

You Are Internal - Realist - Powerful

You feel your life is controlled internally. If you want something, you make it happen. You don't wait around for things to go your way. You value your independence and don't like others to have control. You are a realist when it comes to luck. You don't attribute everything to luck, but you do know some things are random. You don't beat yourself up when bad things happen to you... But you do your best to try to make your own luck. When it comes to who's in charge, it's you. Life is a kingdom, and you're the grand ruler. You don't care much about what others think. But they better care what you think!

The Three Dimension Luck and Power Test

You Are Somewhat Machiavellian

You're not going to mow over everyone to get ahead... But you're also powerful enough to make things happen for yourself. You understand how the world works, even when it's an ugly place. You just don't get ugly yourself - unless you have to!

How Machiavellian Are You?

coffee any one?

You Are an Espresso

At your best, you are: straight shooting, ambitious, and energetic At your worst, you are: anxious and high strung You drink coffee when: anytime you're not sleeping Your caffeine addiction level: high

What Kind of Coffee Are You?

key to my heart

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored. You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring. You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage. In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self centered.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

12th JUNE...

Your Birthdate: June 12

You're a dynamic, charismatic person who's possibly headed for fame.You tend to charm strangers easily. And you usually can get what you want from them.Verbally talented, you tend to persuade people with your speaking and writing.You are affectionate and loving, but it's hard for you to commit to any one relationship. Your strength: Your charm Your weakness: Your extreme manipulation tactics Your power color: Indigo Your power symbol: Four leaf clover Your power month: December

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

choleric temperament....

You Have a Choleric Temperament

You are a person of great enthusiasm - easily excited by many things.Unsatisfied by the ordinary, you are reaching for an epic, extraordinary life.You want the best. The best life. The best love. The best reputation. You posses a sharp and keen intellect. Your mind is your primary weapon.Strong willed, nothing can keep you down. Your energy can break down any wall.You're an instantly passionate person - and this passion gives you an intoxicating power over others. At your worst, you are a narcissist. Full of yourself and even proud of your faults.Stubborn and opinionated, you know what you think is right. End of discussion.A bit of a misanthrope, you often see others as weak, ignorant, and inferior.

What Temperment Are You?

sparks

ok both the pics posted were taken by me.... well they are pictures taken on my cell and uploaded.. they are pictures of a window in my room... one is during the evening, and one taken at night im guessing you can figure which was taken when... ;)

light on

open up!

well its officially been a year since i started blogging.. and i must say it has been very fruitful.. an eye opener in every sense of the word.. i have learnt more about myself.. others... learnt to introspect more and, more importantly learn't (the hard way at times..) that there is more than one perspective to life..
i was reading some of the articles and poems i had written over the year and i must say i have progressed from poems to articles to free writing.. ;), from emotional ranting(not completely!!) to a more rational and detatched thought process..
the whole year has been one hell of a roller coaster.. emotionally and otherwise.. and i have done pretty well for myself i must say... and for those who know me.. know that i write best when im in the midst of the emotion/trauma.. hence ..yeah there have been a lot of articles that are very emotionally charged... as i read it now i can look at it in a more detatched manner.. but i wont change a thing about it... it was written in the spur of the moment and its as honest as i can be..
i like to read comments about the blog.. no not praising the blog/ post, but comments that help me think more... help me realise that there is more than one way to look at 'anything' in life. constructive criticism is more than welcome.. it helps me grow... it has so far, so im sure it will help in the future also.
and finally i would like thank all those people who 'inspire' me to write these articles/ poems/ epics.. my friends, family, classmates, teachers, artists, authors... i guess without reacting, acting, reading and listening to the abovesaid i would not have this blog... so thank you one and all... and a special mention to thangu who got me to start blogging one year back... thank you love...

"open up now...let it all go.."

red light..green light.

good news... college is closed for a week as the administration has been called to delhi for a training period of 1 week.... so partay... be happy for me people!!

sad news i think our teacher needs a new undergraduate degree not one week of fucking training... and we have to complete some homework at the end of it... but that is not too bad as i can do it at my own pace... which is last minute... hehehe

annnndddd...........we are going to have yoga classes for the whole year... from 7-8... i mean get real... yoga for one hour then class?? like hell im getting up... or if i do get like hell im going to stay awake!! losers!!

but anyway i still on cloud number nine with the news of the week's holiday... ;)... when i do get down from there which will be soon there will be another post from my side..

that is it for now... bye...

p.s: any movie recomendations for the week of holiday will be appreciated... except horror and hindi movies anything else is cool....

paradise city.

i got my freedom...my independence.
free from the taunts, the questions.
i am my own master now.
and now have more than enough time to contemplate.
there is no one to distrub, after all.
not a soul.
a busy day ends with contemplation..
giving voice to the unheard multitude within.
strangely, i find that my own voice cannot be heard.
the dissent has become an uproar now..
inevitably i cannot hear...myself.

inxs

well as of now i am recovering from the cold, fever and body pain... and the best remedy is eating.. which is ALL i have been doing these few days... and this brings me to the point i wanted to make ( i always have to start like this dont i!!)

the point is...(yes there is one) i dont like to be dependent on anything/ anyone... so i do everything in excess hanging out with people, coffee, ice cream, choclates blah blah blah.. till i can get it out of my system... its sort like a wierd version of all or nothing at all...

and when i crave it i want it... "saw it, wanted it, threw a fit; GOT it!"

there was a point not too long ago when i would eat like packets of sweets.. and now i cant look at it... i dont know why that is... everything is done till im sick of it and then i move on...

everything seems to me as just a matter of possession... sort of like a twisted cat and mouse game.. wondering who will tire of the obsession first!! and once i have it its like whatever the fuck..

at the present moment its subway sandwiches. and juice. im loving it at the moment but like next week i will not be able to look at it...

but my first love coffee will not change... no matter how much i consume. and but of course music... but in that too i went through obsessive phases....

variety i guess is the spice of life... but then again too much of anything is bad for anyone!

'cause life's like that!

when did life get so lame?? im sitting home on a sunday bored out of my mind.... and very tired... saturday night was fun.... and sunday morning was even better... a trip to broken bridge at 5 in the morning is what every sleep deprived mind and body requires!! and the most astonishing fact i was up to see the sunrise.... shocker!! hahaha. i think i have not seen the sunrise in like 3 years so this was very memorable... took photos, hope to upload them soon, if they are decent.. btw i did mention that it was BLOODY cold... and i froze to death... but yeah it was nice overall..

i have not slept and i am tired, but im depressed that tomorrow is monday which means college.... yuck... and ill have to get up.... yuck...and listen to my teacher's voice who btw we have NOT been able to throw out as of now... sooooooobbbbbbb....

but yeah that is all my sleep deprived mind is capable of at the moment...

bye.

goodnight! ;)

bleed like me.

like sharp nails, your words hurt...
but im not the one to show it.
feigning ignorance i turn away..
from the pain, from..you.
but im bleeding, bleeding from within.

give in, move on.
the philosophy of the hour..
move on... yeah...
blinded in a world of colour,
blindfolded and let loose,
among a myriad things.
im bleeding, bleeding from within.

life's come full circle.
i see you standing there,
in front of me.. not a care in the world,
yet i feel no remorse..
maybe love..
after all... if you love something you let it go..
if it doesnot come back.....
it was never yours to begin with.

you have become a commodity now.
sort of like an experience... a bad haircut perhaps.
or am i simplifying it too much?
i , have stemmed the bleeding, but the pain lingers.
a dull ache...
but too will fade away.

the ten things i hate about you.

i cannot talk without analysing everything once before in my head..
incase you misunderstand something...
i wouldn't want to give you a wrong opinion.
i like the attention.. its good for my ego.
but, i love my space more.
back up...im asking this time...
next time i will not be so polite.
at the same time i do not wish to lose your friendship..
i know i maybe asking too much from you,
but every relationship needs atleast two people to make it work.
you just lost one...

the mask

*sigh* mum came back from mangalore and i got soundly abused for not accompanying her.....

well i am trying to sort out for myself why i have an aversion to the place?? no not because i hate my community (i detest them, most that is...), well i have been thinking and i think its because when i love people too much i dont want to lose them or be seperated from them.because when i meet them again i dont know how to react around them.... hence i throw attitude and pretend they dont affect my life.... shit i suck!! this is a damn never ending cycle...and more often than not i start it.....

mum said my grandma (mum's mum) thought i had come with her.... and was very disapponted to find out that i had not come... i felt like shit when she said that. i have not seen my grandma for approximately 3 years or 2 years... but its been a long time..... its not that i dont love her.... she is possibly the only person in this world i love.....but.... i dont know.....

yeah i also know i have to make good on my new year promise to visit the place.....

at the beginning of time....

well happy new year to one and all..... and here's wishing you all an awesome year ahead..*cheers*...

well new years eve was 'happening' but i'll spare you all the details... what mattered was that i was with my friends... there were many mishaps and misunderstandings but ultimately fun prevailed.... i guess the location is secondary what mattered was that we were all together....

special mention: well kudos to the police comissioner (who i m not really fond of considering his moral policing in recent times....but this time around) security was maintained, but not at the expense of other people's 'fun' events...and over all it was awesome!!

anyway HAPPY NEW YEAR to one and all!!