boredom

The Basics

Hair Color: Blackish brown

Eye Color: Black

Height: 171 cms

Profession: jaabless. sighhhhh

Religious Views: non-existant.

My Favorites

Favorite Color: pink.

Favorite Hobby: Dancing / reading.

Favorite Book/Author: tooo many. but maybe 'the strange case of billy biswas'

Favorite Vacation Destination: hmmmm not really been on too many vacation typa places.

Favorite Food: south indian sapaad.

Favorite Restaurant: nothing really.

Favorite Childhood Friend: hmmm

Favorite Childhood Memory: Bossing waabit around the house. (my brother:)

Favorite Person In Your Life: too many favourites

This or That

Chocolate or Vanilla: Choclate

Big Mac or Whopper: Big Mac

Coke or Pepsi : ehhh.... Coke

Beer or Wine: none

Coffee or Tea: kapppppppppi :D

Apple Juice or O.J.: O.J nytime

Facebook or MySpace: FB

Summer or Winter: Summer

Windows or Mac: Mac

Boxers or Briefs: Boxers

Rain or Shine : Shine

Chips or Popcorn: Popcorn

Salty or Sweet: salty

Plane or Boat: umm land?? sigh k.. Boat

Morning or Night: Night.

Movie or Play: reading??ok ok.. Movie

Walk or Drive: walk. and drive provided im riding shotgun.

Money or Love: money brings love hunay :) lol.. though i think deep down love it is.

Breakfast or Dinner: hahaha im not being difficult but lunch. :)

Forgiveness or Revenge: forgiveness. not that i am that mangnanimous, but revenge requires effort. no one is really worth so much effort typa thing.

Paint or Wallpaper: paint

House or Apartment: House. with huuuge garden.

Have You Ever :

Stolen Anything: yea

Been Drunk Before Noon: never

Had Sex In A Public Place: no

Got Caught Telling A Lie: yea

Got A Speeding Ticket: nope . gotta learn to drive for that. :)

Been Arrested: no. but a jail record would have looked so much better in da hood y'all

Littered: yea

Cheated On A Test: yea

Cheated In A Relationship: Never . wouldnt either.

Wished You Were Someone Else: yea

Cried During A Movie: ya a coupla times

Had A One Night Stand: no

Other

Describe Yourself In One Word: Indifferent.

Biggest Fear: losing my friends.

Biggest Mistake: haha

#1 Priority In Your Life: friends.

Special Talents: bitch slapping.

Where Are You Right Now: home

Where Would You Rather Be: sigh. any where but home.

Place To Visit Before You Die: Africa

dissolved girl

its quite awesome that a year's worth of work and respect can be lost in mere seconds. it is also quite awesome how 'grown-ups' can behave. not getting into specifics, but i must say im happy to have bailed before the damn ship sank. though (pettiness does help at times) the captain of the ship is quintessential whore.

moving on. i have realised that never in my life i have taken a damn break. school. college. post graduation. work. back to back to back. now is the time for me to enjoy the break, and im restless and bored. maybe this also has something to do with the fact that my grandmother sucks the joy of chilling at home. like serious joy sucking happening. though she is slated to leave for tirupathi soon. so then maybe it will be much needed peace.

and also apart from all the chilling. i need to make a choice. london or work here. i know what the logical, rational mind says haul ass to london. peace of mind is quite important to me. but i guess all the times where i have said i hope i start thinking with my heart and blah, this is the wrong fucking time to start thinking with the damn heart. wrong fucking time. sigggggggggggggh.

happiness is a state of mind, and im lke out of sight of mind. i know have to make some important decisions. but im just whining. wasting time. and moaning to the few who would listen.

whatever.

famous five.

5 things i would save in a fire provided i got my cellphone/ credit card/ wallet.

hmmmmmmm...

1) my waaaabbbit. no not rabbit. my brotha. :P

2) i pod.

3) macbook pro.

4)

5)

yea that about it. there are no animals in the house. so nothing else to add.

parents. sigh.

there is a reason why i dont talk to my parents. both of them. father makes me want to throw things at him. mainly because he is very chauvanistic. and sexist. and mother well she just frustrates me with her narrow thinking.

"chat" with mother after forever.

in my room. 10.20pm tuesday.

mum; dont you want to get married.

me: no.

mum: why?

me; do i look marriageable to you? and konkani men suck. (yes i am racist)

mum: not all look at your father.

me: exactly why konkani men suck.

mum: but you have to have children.

me: sure. do i need to get married for that?

mum (dying): but i have found a good boi.

me: good for you. when's the marriage date again??

that was the end of conversation with mother at 10.30pm.

10minutes was enough to get my bp high, and i could not sleep the whole damn night.

i hate chatting with my parents. hate it.

pointers.

I am: open- minded, non judgemental, anti-social and exceedingly indifferent.
I think: therefore i am. :P though seriously i think too much.
I know: that whatever happens, happens for a reason.
I want: peace of mind.
I have: the most amazing friends.
I wish: my family would not live in their narrow mind sets.
I hate: hypocrisy and judgmental assholes. and confrontations.
I miss: my friends. (the married ones who have moved on)
I fear: lack of stability and control
I feel: a myriad emotions all at once. intense pain to heart warming joy.
I hear: the traffic outside, and my fingers clicking on the keyboard.
I smell: coffee. and stale air freshner.
I crave: my bed. and a goodnight's sleep.
I search: for that elusive peace of mind.
I wonder: why it has to end this way.
I regret: nothing. all experiences teach you something. good. bad. ugly.
I love: my friends. my brother.
I ache: to let my heart do the thinking.
I care: about animals.
I am not: hypociritcal.
I believe: what goes around comes back around.
I dance: 24/7. and im happiest dancing.
I sing: at times.
I cry: at the drop of a hat. and the hat seems to be dropping quite frequently these days.
I don’t always: behave like the badass bitch that i come across as/ act like.
I fight: only only if its/or someone is worth the effort.
I write: from my heart.
I win: when i pick the fight.
I lose: gracefully (hopefully!)
I never: have done or would do drugs.
I always: fuck things up for myself.
I confuse: birthday dates.
I listen: to my head.
I can usually be found: at home. reading.
I am scared: of lizards. and losing those precious few.
I need: security. stability. reassurance.
I am happy about: my ability of not reacting to 99% of things.
***

technical support

so yeah. macbook pro in working order peeps. apparently i just changed the user name but the password was the one set by the people who installed the os to begin with. hence i could not figure it out for the life of me. but we (me and moi phrend) figured out how to reverse the problem, and well mac book pro in the house.

intel inside.

i am quite intelligent. i have a new macbook pro. like said before. i have uploaded my songs. :) and now in the process of dumping in the photos. in the mean time i open the mac book pro and it welcomes me with my father name! im like huh fuck you, i shall change all this blah. so i change the admin, and add a password. then i forget password. how cool is that? so now i can access everything on my macbook. everything. except upload new softwares! which is horrible considering now only i have to start uploading all the softwares required et all. sigh.

sigh. now trying to figure out what to do. enlisted the help of a friend who lives for the mac. lets see how it goes.

aside from that the week started out well. monday i had to go to the police station ( no i have not yet killed my granma), police verification for the passport. and i had to pay the guy Rs.100 as well. whatever. it is done. no more passport office. no more crappy nonsense. in about 10 days i should have new passport. so phew.

and i have the last few weeks of college remaining. aldready lost interest, and literally dragging my self there to complete formalities. but i am completeing them. so that is that.

b day

well first half of the 'big day' was spent in coma induced by a stomach upset and sleep deprivation. and hence couldnt get up and go to passport office.

so post light lunch, met up with a good good friend, window shopped and chilled at zaras. chilled at zara's meaning got in before the crowd came in, stuffed face. left by the time the 'it' crowd rolled in. im getting insanely anti-social (if that was actually possible). and tolerance levels reaching new lows.

i have never quite understood the concept of spending important dates with random ( read: meaningless) people. id rather sit at home than chat with strangers. (people i know, met and dont relate to, fall into this category). and this holds true since i dont see any need tp paarrtay for the bday and all. its just another day. i would like to chill out with 2-3 friends but that about it.
and not too many people get this concept. aside from constant badgering as to what plans for the day, they assume they are part of the plans.
hmmm question: if you were pat of the plan would you need to ask what the damn plan is?

ranting aside. nice end to ze bday. though i didnt take no photos. maybe over the weekend ill take some fotos.

its a dawg's world.

yesterday was painful. i couldnt sleep the previous night till 4.30am, and had to get ready by 7.00am to go to the fucking passport office. though the office opens only by 9.30 (supposed to, never happens)the damn waiting starts close to 3 hours prior. and with a bad bad stomach upset, and acute sleep deprivation i was a part of the walking dead. moving on from my ill health; the passport office is your quintessential government office. being shuttled from one department to another, one floor to another, one building to another. and full of incompetent assholes. i had to wait in the damn line for 2 and a half hours only to be told that ' no ma, not this letter. fill up it this form and get tomorrow'. fuckers. so i got to go again tomorrow. which is incidentally is the day i was born 23 years ago. so fabulous way to start the day.

the respite in the evening was my lovely sister (cousin) and her husband coming home in the evening, with chip the lab. he so cute. his eyes give him the appearance of having worn kajal all the time. smoky eyed chip. he was quite worried why everyone was going inside the house, and why he wasnt invited. and he massacared brothers basket ball. :P he couldnt figure out why the ball was so big. or why it bounced so much. :) and he is the happiest being fed bread. sigh i want dog. i dont want grandparents.

k, bye.

sigh

i think the tone was set last weekend for the 'good weekends' concept. there was a half baked pondi plan. but that didnt go through. and i am certain everything happens for a reason. a good good friend has come down (permanently?) from london. and im meeting her/seeing her after 2 whole years. many things have changed. and almost nothing has changed. quite wierd.

and since im almost done with my tenure as educator.. im back to whats next. sigh. i hate this. im back to being my indecisive self. sigh. sigh.

show off :P

oh and guess who got their MAC BOOK PRO??? finally!!! :D :D :D

be happy for me peeps. be happy. :P

untitled

some how when i find out that people are as attached to me as i am to them i can sleep better at night. sort of like i need to know im not the only one emotionally dependent. me and my fucked up mind.

aside from that brother is attempting some fucked up version of mohawk. with hsi face it looks kinda crappy. so i resigned as his stylist. sigh.

sing for the moment

some times the most fun is had in the spur of the moment. a last minute decision is all it takes to make someone really happy. had an awesome weekend.

:D

p.s: cheque for mac book pro is ready. now i hope i learn to use it after breaking the bank.

torn.

im all cried out.

after all the rants i just realised that i have changed. and maybe now i expect things. things which i know cannot be given to me. things which i havnt exactly asked for either. its just the expectations that kill more than anything else.

moving on sounds easier said than done.

when you look back do you regret?

and also, perhaps you werent as important as you thought you were? as special?

it is not about having someone fight you battles.

or having them catch you everytime you fall.

its just about standing by you through the good, bad and more importantly the ugly.

and its just a fantastic way to start the week wouldnt you say?

fight club

brother dearest and me have decided to take up kick boxing. me to be able to beat up brother. all 6'3"/91kgs of pure muscle. and he well to beat me up. no seriously. my brother watches all these martial arts movies, then attempts all the stunts on me. all in the name of 'self defense'. how the fuck am i supposed to flip 91kgs over my shoulder??! if i ask him why he does not try in on the bois he has the gall to tell me that is because the bois will start to cry. whatever. but its good fun attemting to kick his ass. and the best bit is that i cant be expected to win. and if he kicks my ass he gets toasted ("how can you hit a girl!!??!") and if he loses he gets toasted ( "how can you lose to a girl!!!"). so win-win situation for me. wheeeeeeee

more on the ass kicking when we haul ass to the classes.

identiti

i had the most painful experience a couple of days back. not like phsically excruciating pain and all. but painful never the less. for some reason i did a search on facebook for my own lovely name.. (something done out of utter joblessness) and; well i realised that some other person had taken up my name and a photo of mine (with a friend!)from some album. and was randomly adding some of my freinds to boot! no one realised that it wasnt actually me adding them. the point is that im a little obsessed with my privacy, space and the like. so i went ballistic. i mailed facebook, and told my loving friends to block the indiviual.

alls well that ends well. the person's profile has been removed from facebook. and im going to bed felling better. but it was quite the rude fucking jolt to see your face staring at you from some one else's profile.

point is i dont know who the person is. what the intention was. maybe just harmless. maybe not. but an intrusion on my privacy and my photos is not acceptable. its quite nice to know these social networking sites take these things seriously.

so now we are back to aimlessly drinking/guzzling kapi in the morning. sigh. life is back to normal.

sigh.

its so fucking hot. heat aside.

yesterday was a good good friend's bday. and im quite sad that she is so far away. all the way in nebraska. i cant seem to call her. and she is busy with exams to call.

"maybe our girlfriends are soulmates and guys are just people to have fun with." - Sex and the city. not that i watch the show. or even know who said it. but it rings quite true.

monday morning

sigh i quite hate monday mornings. after getting to sleep in and laze in bed on sundays, getting up at 7 is a whore. 3 cups of kapi in the past 2 1/2 hours. and im still groggy, cranky and sleep deprived. ironically try as i might i cant seem to sleep longer than 9.00am on sundays. work has screwd up my lifestyle. sigh.
anddd...
i have 2 more months, then i finish working for a year at college. i am so waiting to finish the year and leave. quite eagerly waiting to leave, might i add. of course the decent bank balance as well. so whee.

on another note a friend is getting engaged this thursday. and since i wont be able to make it for the wedding i thought i would take a gift for her. now my dilemma is should i get something for her alone, or for boi as well.. hmmm i dont know him. and i frankly cant be bothered with the boi. but the gurl i louve.
so suggestions would be welcome.

collage

sometimes i wonder if im one dimensional. like mentally. i have a couple of things that i like. somethings i dont. and it does not change much. im trying to see how much i have changed with my various experiences and contact with different people i have met. the thing is that i am who i am. i am always open to new interpretations. always, always respect an opinion. but i have mine and i shall stick to it come hell or high water. maybe it has to with the fact that if its mine then if i fuck up i am to blame. if i rock the joint; well its my tune rocking the joint typa thing.

maybe.

moving on. i have always felt i am a difficult person to live with. offlate i have been realising that it might just be impossible to live with me. like for life type of thing. if i am like your flatmate i shall probably be your favourite person, since im highly non judgemental, and extremely indifferent (dont know that is a good thing). but if i am looking at life partner (i dont want to say husband. i break into cold sweat) i have sooooo many space issues. i think i am best from a distance.

this is not some sympathy rant. its more of an observation. emotional detatchment enables me to scrutinise everything from a distance..

though moving on, yesterday was some random bonding session with father and brother. if mother was there session would have abruptly stopped. i saw "chak de" yesterday. was ok. though i thought they chose an interesting bunch of girls :) brother goes on overdrive when we see these 'sports films'. inevitably they all are those under dog stories. and he will force me to watch it as well.

i told father " i will pay for my laptop, papa". and father has taken it to heart. so mac book pro on its way i think. zero bank balance.

and i have been in such a cranky mood off late. and so anti-social its quite a nice tale.

also i have made many many resolutions to hit the gyma and get some exercise. maybe i should start today. usually its always maybe i should start tomorrow. lets see.

and grandparents have wandered off to goa. and then mangalore. so its partay time without them till 4th! :)

of passion and the like.

vokay peeps. more tagged stuff to do. and considering that im emotionally numb due to various reasons this should be good for the mind. and/or heart. whatever.

point to be noted though i cannot give a straight answer. and almost always will give an explanation.

here goes:

8 things i am passionate about:
first i am so emotionally detatched to most things that when i saw this questions i really really had to think hard. contemplate on life its meaning and the like. i seriously dont feel enough passion for most things. i might attempt it a couple of times with passion, but its usually very difficult to sustain "the rose tint" of/in 99% of things.

1. first on my list would be my friends. they are the reason i am sane. they are my family and my support system. i absolutely louve them homies.
2. next on the agenda would be my space. aside from my friends this is probably the only other thing im 'constantly' passionate about. i louve my space. maybe a little too much. i really cannot deal with people on a regular basis. and if i had to choose between people and my space, space it is. i like spending time by myself, with myself; reading or just vegging out. and like thangu said i dont relate too well to people who cannot spend time by themselves.
3. reading/music: i think reading might take a slight lead in this. i cannot not read. even if im going on an adventurous trip and we might be camping and there wont be electricity . i will most definitely take atleast one book with me. i feel the need to read all the time. though i dont know how people can read more than one book at a time. i can read anything. (barring science fiction and religious stuff) and now moving on to musique.. lol. i like anything and everything except. excpet the house shite. i dont get the obsession with the mind numbing beats. or maybe the connection between alcohol (lots of it) and house should be explored a bit more. aside from that, i listen to everything. i love everything from the jalra bollywood numbers to hiphop to rock. but what i absolutely adore is old hindi songs.
4. the next on the list of 'passions' ( which is diminishing as the list progresses) is animals. i louve them all. no reptiles. but all animals i adore. i want to have a huge house with loads of cats and dogs. et all. not had a dog till now because my grandmother (father's mum) is a skank. but yeah.
5. shopping!! i absolutely love shopping. its not about burning money. but even shopping with others. for others. window shopping gives me a huge high. retail therapy. ever since i started working, the amount of money burnt per expedition has been increasing. this is quite truly a passion. i love the whole experience of it. the clothes, colours, fabrics. whee. im almost always game for it. the only condition is that the person with me should not start with 'are we done yet?' 'didnt you just see the same thing' type of nonsense.
6. fashion and all its trappings. this has to be one of the most consistent of interests of mine. right from the 11th standard when i used to sit in all my economics classes and sketch wedding day outfits for all the ladies. of course this is behind the economics notebooks. and when the teacher did find out well.. and now that i have studied a bit of it. and im working in the field typa thing i realise that i louve it even more.
7. hmmm. see now i really need to think. its like i 'like' a lot of stuff. but to be passionate means you need to louve it all the time. ok i love long walks. either one awesome person for company. or my ipod. i can walk for hours. (ofcourse after that i want to cut my legs and die quitely in a corner some where. ) i love walking by the beach in mangalore. its quite. there is no sign of humanity for a 10 mile radius. and the view is to die for. or in chennai it is boat club road. and through out the entire walk ill be checking out all the gorgeous houses and the extremely fat dogs. and no absolutely no hot boys. maybe a random hot uncle or two. sigh. the irony.
8. i have always wanted to have a house on the west coast. NO. not in gods own country. def outside of that. actually mangalore (suratkal on the outskirts on mangalore) is an awesome place. its a few hours from bangalore, and the scenery there is mind blowing. its by the coast. and for some reason i love the west coast more than the east coast. though i have lived here all my life. i think its has to do with the fact that there are like no people on the beach. no vendors. no plastic! its serious heaven on earth.

oh wheee. got 8 passions. took a lot of soul searching to get to this.

8 things to do before i die:

1. there is nothing i want to do more than tell me family to faack off. and i mean this in the nicest way possible. (so save the family is your life shite for some one who cares). i think it is all the pent up anger and frustration. also the fact that i cant say it now cause im living in the house. and even i am not that stupid to bite the hand that feeds. maybe gnaw every now and then. but bite. nope.
2. aside from all the love oozing out at the moment. i want to go on the african safari thing. i love these wildlife treks. so the kenyan safari would be very very awesome.
3. forget the mind numbing/bone chilling cold i want to go to the himalayas. and maybe if i have enough money stay at that ananda resort thing. but otherwise just going there would be really really nice. i had been to nepal like a loong time back. and the beauty of the mountains especially during sunset/sunrise.. sighh.
4. i want to have a shop. not boutiqueish.. but well something of a lifestyle store. defintely not mass produced shite. but yes. some day.
5. learn to love without letting my head do all the thinking/analysing. and love wholeheartedly. and maybe tell the person as well.
6. this is quite stupid. but seriously i want to learn to drive. and drive in peak traffic and not die of a panic attack. and do extremely common things like learn to park decently and try not (sigh:) to run down aatokarans. and third rate cyclists.
7. learn to walk in stilettos. and learn to love walking in them as well.
8. learn to box. :) i absolutely love the sport. and the agression. and the ofcourse the hot bodies in shorts are all plus points. but more importantly beating the fuck out of someone, that is an awesome high.

8 things i say often:

1. lol. this is in the countless sms's i send on a regular basis.
2. fuck/whore/skank/biyach. for all the assholes in my life i address on a regular basis.
3. love/lover/dawl to all my ladies. no we are not lesbians. :P
4. ma/pa- i think i use it for most sentences. sentence endings. sentence beginnings.
5. hullo! - not on the phone. but as an expression.
6. baby - for the boifrend. lol. :P
7. shut it. its self explanatory.
8. waaabit- to irritate the fuck out of my brother. :)

8 books i have read offlate:

1. Buddha of Suburbia - Hanif Kureshi.
2. The Long way Gone - Ismail Beah
3. The Inheritance of Loss- Kiran Desai.
4. Holy Cow- forgot author.
5. The Brick Lane - Monica Ali.
6. The Devil Wears Prada.
7. Sacred Games.
8. Shantaram.

8 things that attract me to my friends:

most of my close friends are women (this comes from convent + girls college upbrining). the men are there. but very very few. not that i dont know enough boys. most are extremely stupid and self absorbed. and i need to relate to people on a emotional level. and they need to have some sort of an intelligence quotient. most men fail miserably on both. (btw: this is not some feminist rant) they are quite funny though.

1. honest and straight forward : no they are not mahatma gandhi's in the making. and i dont mean thou shalt not steal type, but more like they dont back bite. are not manipulative in the least. im not going to say thye dont bitch. cause we all bitch. but we have never really bitched behind someone's back. its not because we care for them. its just most are not worth the effort to try back stabbing. and if there is anything to say my homies throw it on your(whoever) face.
2. respect space issues ;) : this is probably their biggest virtue. they know the concept of space. and if not understand my space issues they respect it. i dont need to hang with them everyday. or even talk to them. some might be in the same city as moi, but we wouldnt have seen each other for months at a stretch. but that does not diminish the love. and quite surprisingly we still relate. so im loving them even more.
3. they are highly indiviualistic. they dont care for anything, and live life on their own terms. they are highly opiniated and not afraid to voice their opinions. or stand up for them. lack of spine is a highly unattractive thing. so all me phrends have enough and more.
4. most are extremely non-judgemental. they couldnt careless what you wore, what you do for a living. what you do in general. how you talk. yet love you for who you are.
5. most actually 99% of my friends suffer from a dr.jekyll mr. hyde syndrome. they come across as bad ass bitches. but there is a mushy side to them that no one even would know about unless you really know them. and they arent the fragile women who cry for anything and everything. they kick serious ass, and mean business.
6. some of them are insanely funny. and some just do funny( at times stupid things which end up looking funny) things. at times its intelligent/ sarcastic humor. at times its slapstick at its besht or worst as the case maybe.
7. they are all immensly talented at what they do. be it fashion, marketting etc. they know what their strong points are, and are extremely self aware, and very intelligent.
8. not superficial in the least! i think the minute you have a brain+spine and know how to use them both, superficiality starts to fade.

Last but no the least

8 songs i can listen to over and over again:

the songs have more to do with lyrics. lyrics appeal to me more than anythingelse. after lyrics it would be the lead singers sexy drawwl. :P

1. Again- Lenny Kravitz. (that man. that voice. that bost. sighhhhhhhh)
2. Ordinary/ Calling all you Angels- Train. (for some reason i love their songs. i just do)
3. Liar- Korn. 9 i louve most songs by korn as well. but this is my favourite)
4. Kaho Naa Kaho - Murder (right? i dont see the films only hindi songs for me thank you)
5. Phoolon Ka Taaron ka - Hare Krishna Hare Ram (i think its the brotha-sistah thing :)
6. I would die for you- Garbage.
7. Maula mere - Anwar. (you'd have to listen to it and understand the lyrics to know why)
8. Dumb- Nirvana

vokay now time to tag:)

indi.

jan.

schmetterling.