btw

it is so pissing off when you constantly meet people you know and donot like. then you can either choose to be a bitch and not react/ respond.. or you have to be fake/ nice.. blah blah. this is after the intial feet shuffling, racking ones brain trying to remember names.. if you are one of the lucky ones who do get past the zillion 'hot spots' in namma chennai where you run into people.. you have the oppurtunity to meet them on the internet as well. either they know some family members, friends, blah... ultimately they know you. what bothers me?? not the contact itself.. the artificiality that 'springs' forth courtesy the contact. the constant need to question and keep tabs... yuck. orrrrrrr you could convince yourself that you are oh so popular.

by the way.. the exams are going on as planned (by the teachers). though it does not feel like it. both the theory papers were completed in a record time of 15-30 mins each, though we had three hours to complete the paper. and the 30 minutes was because we did not know what to write. donot attribute it to knowledge. the best thing about the exams is that we still think as a class. all the 'side' routes to acing the exams have been given up. the book is in front of us and all we think is when we do the exams get over. we honestly donot care if we pass or fail. this im liking.

wassup?

turned 21 on monday.. the most fabulous day to turn 21 wouldnt you agree? especialy with the exams around the corner.. very happening partay day. NOT. but i did have fun. most of my close friends were there to spend the day with me.. and yeah there was a cake (no im not five years old.. ;). took loads of pictures... shopped (yes i know again?!). and simi got me the most awweesoommee pair of sunglasses.

exams started today. and the irony of life it does not feel like i am having exams! we were listening to music and doing the exam.. and the invigilator is in love with my friend so she was very 'kind'.. hence we were chatting and doing the exam.. but the fun part? we drew parts of the human anatomy.. (hands/legs/ feet) things that are difficult to draw and pasted it around the class and voila we are expert illustrators! ;)

annndd.. good news i got a 'merit' grade in the rework i got on my corel draw assignment. so life's looking up for the moment.

high.

shopping and me are inseperable.. ok make that dad's (hard earned) money+ me = shopping. nice equation i must say. it is beneficial to both sides. for me.. more clothes! for dad he feels guilty for not spending time with me. so here i go off shopping again. the thing about shopping and me is that i donot need to buy... even if a friend buys im happy. it does not take much to make me happy.. simple pleasures like shopping will do.

when i say shopping dont misundersatnd the statment like saying oh a tshirt or jeans perhaps.. i have like a p.hd in shopping and a specialisation in window shopping. planing on opening a college sometime. ;) lol.. ok so i went shopping again today. note the word 'again' ;). and as usual i went with my friend and well we shopped for like three hours and spent quite a bit of money. the thing is that i donot need to buy expensive stuff.. tshirts or earrings and more than adequate. like i said simple pleasures. mum has totally given up on me.. now when she sees the bags she does not even react.

over a period of time this shopping 'madness' (as mum calls it) has manifested itself. shopping is not just buying clothes.. its the art of buying anything with fathers money (but ofcourse!). and its not just shopping for myself.. i can shop for anyone.. with anyone.. provided the other person is game enough to last for atleast 3 hours of shopping. atleast. i remember like a year ago maybe my friend and me did a one day trip to bangalore just to shop! morning train to bangalore.. shopped!! took the night train back.

retail therapy brings with it a high of its own.. i never fully realised this until today.. i actually went shopping to escape a family lunch plan. and we finished shopping but the lunch was still going on.. and in my 'high state' i had half a mind to join the lunch!! we should bottle retail therapy. im sure business will be rocking.

spice up your life.

ok.. you might.. just might have guessed from the title.. i just finished reading 'mistress of spices'. to be honest i took the book only because of the hype surrounding the film.. so i began reading it with no expectations in my mind. and to my suprise i realise that i really like the book! the way the spices have been described.. the stories.. the cliches.. whatever.. maybe old wine in a new bottle.. but its a damn cool bottle at that. i loved the book. and now am dreading to watch the film.. considering the way it has been ripped to shreds. and for those who didnt know the woman in the book is old. not a bloody miss world winner. somewhere down the line i think in ambitious production and publicity/ promotion the esssence of the book has been lost. especailly cause at the end of the book the old woman regains a bit of her former beauty(external only;)..

towards the end of the book i felt really indignant on behalf of tilo.. someone who has given to others all her life.. for once she wants something back and the spices donot want to give.. or they give with the idea of temptation in mind.. the ending wasnt too much of a surprise.. but i liked the book.

free for all.

today out of complete boredom i was listing randonly things that i was obsessed with.. as i have mentioned before i do everything in excess.. so in no particular order.. these are 'old' louves.. ;)

• choclates.
• milo! (that choclate energy drink or whatever.. i used to love the choclate powder)
• nestle choco sticks.
• kellogs wheat flakes.
• skittles (those chewy gems like stuff... yummy. )
• choclate cake.
• cheesecake.
• icecream (due to which i suspect my tooth broke.. hmmmm)
• subway sandwiches.
• french fries.
• cold coffee with icecream.
• tandoori chicken.

hmmm... i have done all the above said in excess... so much so that i cannot bear to look at anyone of these again... except maybe the coldcoffee... ;)

puppy love.

today i met dumby.. short for dumbledore. hes 3months old has the saddest eyes. is lazy to the core.. he cant stand on his own four legs.. he has to sit.. and running is out of the question. another name in my list of most favourite. hes thangu's dog a beagle puppy. hes big for a 3 month dog.. and hes lazy. he cant walk for more than five seconds without lying down.. and he cant raise the lower half of his body, not an exaggeration ;) he eats. sleeps. eats. shits. pisses. sleeps. he loves it if you scratch his tummy and will be your slave for life you will pet him for more than 5 minutes at a stretch. he needs human contact even when hes sleeping. though he looks doped 24/7 hes the cutest. he made my day.


p.s: finished the corel draw assignment! and submitted it in record time. and this time the lines are MUCH better.

flipsyde

to start off most of my assignment submissons are over! on monday the whole class stayed back in college till 7.30pm to complete everything.. and that is a huge accomplishment considering the fact that we have not worked at all in over two months. on the flipside i got a rework in that damn corel draw assignment. well it did look likt i did the assignment when i was drunk.. the lines were too shaky to be accepted. and i have to give it in tomorrow. ;) and im almost done with my trouser stitching as well.. now well that was a fiasco as i have no idea what the end result is going to be.. and we have finished submitting all the degin work and it has been graded as well..

today there was a camera crew that came to college. after sun tv this is the second one.. i really dont understand the purpose of such media frenzy.. when the students are going around saying dont join what the hell is the media going to change? anywaaay.. point is that they moved the boys completely out of the frame and took pictures of the ladies alone! what the fuck is that?? there are like a zillion pictures of me and two of my other friends working, talking, stitching.. all with our fake smiles intact.. lol.. looking forward to see which magazine accepts the damn photos.

technologic.

we have a new teacher! she young( she about 2 years elder than me;) fun, strict, and cuttee ;)

point is we have listed out our complaints as usual to her and she is going to look into it. shes our new faculty.. and we got offf to a decent start today.. and i realised that i am hopeless when it comes to technology.. we had an assignment to submit in corel draw.. where we had to create a template library and well i submitted it.. but it sucks big time!! i couldnt control the pen tools.. and the whole outfit is very shaky and has no semblance of shape/structure or whatever. i hope that i donot have to redo the assignment. i spoke to the faculty incharge and requeste him to show compassion for the technology challenged.

asof the last tweo years that i have started using the computer itself for something other than paint.. earlier to chat using msn/ yahooo messenger was an ordeal... and once i managed to delete entire programs from the computer.. and got soundly abused by my father.. i used to be scared to operate the damn thing. incase i delete something else and cause more trouble.

but off late considering that i have a computer in my room..my dad has new found respect for my ability to let the monthly internet bill shoot up to unprecedented heights ;). but he genuinely respects my ability to work on softwares/ presentations etc.. he was telling me this yesterday during our rare chats.. not arguments.. chats.

;)

strike three.

some realisations are so random that they hit at the most unexpected moments.. and they are no great use nor do they serve a purpose...

- while reading ' butter chicken in ludhiana'- pankaj mishra.. i realised that the author during his travel throughout india styas in most of these government guest houses.. which are in complete shambles.. thought the posters speak of incerdible india.. and what not.. what struck me was that if these government sponsored houses are as 'great' as they claim to be then why dont the top government officails stay in tehm? instead of using up tax payers money for the taj and sheraton groups??!

- its always the simple things in life that makes us the happiest. today i woke up dreading having to go to college.. as one there was the sun tv crew coming to shoot about the brilliance of our institution.. and two i had not completed my homework.. as luck would have it i escaped both.. and got to sleep in till early evening ;)

- mississipi mud pie that i ahd today was a ticket to heaven! sin in a box. ;)

all in all a nice day i say.. and its just been a few hours..

engaged.

question: will bitching about your college in the newspaper land you in a legal soup? those who do know please let me know!


on a more pleasnat note.. my friend got engaged last saturday. it was one helluva function. outlandish clothes, beautiful decor, blinding gold jewellery, bitchy attitudes, catty comments, fabulous food, a nevous and hyper bride to be, and a very unconventional ring ceremony (thanks to the broadmindedness of friends father.. uncles too cool for the old school stuff ;).

this really got me thinking.. uncle has to foot the whole bill for the damn wedding and the multiple functions that will ensue , which again will result in an ostentacious display of wealth.. is all this pomp and show necessary to prove to the world your status?? im sure here uncle is hard pressed to carry on the wedding the way 'it has always been done'. all to this to keep the grandfather, grandmother and the countless nasty relatives happy and more importantly quiet.

the whole function left me more than a little irritated. my friend is sitting worried, tensed and nervous. all the ladies who came to see her can say why are you not wearing more gold or worse sizing up her clothes.. her 'worth'.. helloo.. bitches. and to make matters worse the first time the grooms side (only ladies) came to see her five of them had four video cameras between them!! and they filmed the whole damn conversation.. and introductions.. i sooo badly wanted to hit them! i dont know if they even realised how callous and insensitive they were. the weding is definitely gpoing to loads of fun wiht the 'ndtv crew'(as we called them;) around.


the point that im getting to (yes there is one) do we give more importance to families than our own lives? they are a part of our lives. not our life itself right? i mean its important to repect your elders and take their opinion into account..but isnt it your marriage? your big/small moment? wondering..

quote/unquote

more than enough has been said about the quota issue.. and well i have nothing more to add. was reading some of the comments on the cnnibn blog post on the 'quota issue'.. a person called 007 said that when (note not if) arjun singh gets shot and hes in hospital would he allow a doctor/orderly/nurse who has gotten the degree through quota to treat him....

food for thought ... ;)

best years of my life!

yeaterday finished reading chetan bagats 'five point someone'... its about life at iit.. no it does not tell life at iit rocks. or that its the 'greatest institution' in the country. what it does talk about is that life without friends sucks. you need them to bunk classes, college, cheat, eat, talk to, listen to, basicallly live life with... i guess that implies to all institutions right?? i mean everyone i know hates college, life..blah.. friends are the only reason that many of us continue..

stella maris was another 'esteemed institution' where i finished my bachelors.. two weeks into the college i was in depression. lost weight. hated college. threw attitude. then slowly i made friends on a common ground that we all hated college. soon we realised that we had more in common than mere hatred for the college.. i cant even recall the countless times we have given each other attandance, bunked classes, bunked the culturals.. the damn combined studying, hanging out at gangotree, bitched about the lovely 'sisters' of our college .... and that was four years back.. now we have all moved onto various courses. they mean the world to me.. and we still keep in touch.

this is for you apu, vysh, tika, zayn, simi;), and the countless others who helped me live through that nightmare.. thank you.

man of the house. ha!

the more i interact with my father the more i detest him.. im serious.. he just came now like half an hour back and gave some ultimatum along the lines of ' you have to come to the temple.. next week.. or else....' like what the fuck?? or else what? i havent been to the temple in over a year.and am not fucking interested in watching god being glorified when i donot know if god exists..

point is that my father is never at home. always out of the damn country.. city.. state. do like look like i care as long as hes out of the damn house?? so when hes never at home why the fuck should i listen to him?? its not like im out getting smashed or sniffing coke.. im at home on the computer downloading some fuckall songs.. and he has to issue ultimatums like he knows me.. or worse like he can control me.. and this alone provokes me enough to set the house on fire. literally.

this is one of the main reasons why i want to leave the house.. i have no idea how i cant have any love/ affection/tolerance (same difference right?) for my family. they totally suck. and this is not some childish rant.. or some spur of the moment post.. i really dont like them. and i wish they would just fucking leave me alone..

i cant remember the last time i talked to my parents.. like talked.. not just asking for (more)money, but asking things about their lives.. and the last time we had like a family dinner would be when four years back.. how do i remember?? i have a photo.. oh that btw was the last 'family photo'... he does not know how old we are.. and we donot know how old he is.. i dont know what he does.. and he doesnt know what im doing. or that im turning 21. i like it that way. and want it that way.

everytime we attempt conversation there is a fight. he gets pissed talks nonsense.. i get pissed of and it ends in tears. this is a freaking sumup of life for the past 4 years. it has been freaking hell. to make matters worse his mother a freaking bitch has to goad him on. god she will burn in hell. what really, i mean really pisses me off the fact that he cant ever tell him mother to fuck of. even when shes wrong. like when she wanted to throw a 28 day old puppy outta the house. she succeeded mind you. whore.

all this and more makes me wonder if marriage is really worth it.. unhappiness all over... yeah yeah not everyone is like my father... could swing either ways.. but.. yeah whatever. bye.

obsession..

anyone who knows me will testify as to how much i louve these things.. birth dates.. SUN SIGNS!! (not horoscopes and shit!!) blah blah.. i like them... ok i dont know why but i just like em.. not obsessed with them... but just like to know if they could come true...


BIRTH DATE: GROUP


02,07,12,17,22,27: B2



Group B2
Your dreams and ambitions are much important for you and you can do everything to fulfill your dreams. Love is much valuable in your life but you always search for someone perfect. You hardly trust someone.
Your friends are really important for you but normally you hide a lot from them.
You are a deep thinker you always study the negative view as well as positive.
You can lead a happy life with a person for whom you care a lot these days.



Is your birthday day 12 of the month?

Your LifeYou are friendly, humorous and full of energy. You are open-minded and do not care for minor details. Your weak point is your hot temper.Your LoveYou are willing to start off in one-sided love affairs because you strongly believe that you will eventually win his/her heart. On the other hand, once you are together, you always want to do things your way, which is often the fire starter. You usually run in and out of love quickly.

this came as a mail.. attachement.. and just couldnt resist.. ;) the second one is mostly true.. the first few points.. friends think the last few apply as well.. but i dont know..

neverland..

i have conversation with people in my life when they are not there... confused.. think im psychotic.. well im wondering if i am! i have 'conversations' with people regarding certain situations im afraid to approach.. sort of like my own imaginary fantasy playing out in my mind.. rarely do these conversations happen out loud.. these are only conversations.. and mostly involve people i know..

its really wierd but if im scared to approach someone with something that is on my mind.. then i obsess about it this way.. i play out the entire conversation in my head.. with actions.. i can totally imagine the person reacting/talking.. blah blah.. i have a hyper active imagination. and i donot have control over it. but this is really crazy.. i never realised i was doing this in class today until the teacher was asking me if there was a problem!! what was i going to tell him?? im having a conversation in my head?!! this is not some imaginary friend situation.. its just people and me.. and its conversation. intelligent conversation might i add!

over the moon!!

i finally gave my hawt pink i pod for replacement last week. and well my friend got it done for me in record time. its coming back next week.. monday i think. and since apple corp stopped production of their 1st gen pods im getting a 2nd gen pink pod with 18 hour playback! yeah!

dilemma

yeah so i was just baking in the afternoon heat as always.. me music, and my book. nice combination. when my friends mother calls.. except she just didnt call to say hi.. she wanted me to tell her about her daughters so called new boyfriend! i was freaking out.. cause on one side my friend (the daughter) was not in station and this fruitful conversation is taking place behind her lovely back. when she finds out she'll wring her mothers neck. and second my friend has told her mother the age old sleepover lie to go hang with her friend... *sigh* aunty wants 'boyfriends' number, address even! so she can talk some sense into him.. she feels the relationship is progressing too fast.. watever not my problem.. my prob is with the fact that there are a bunch of lies and a nice web formed around that one story.. its only a matter of time before it all goes up in smoke...

ultimately im stuck in the cross fire cause daughter and mother are not talking to each other. and im their confidant.. yuck. life is soo freaking fucked. good cop, bad cop.. eventually im getting fucked.

progression

i just finished reading a book titled ' bend in the ganges' cant recall the author's name.. but it was nice. and very old.. the story is set during the freedom struggle. i was going to stop reading it there and then. any more 'gandhiji ki jai' type books and i will throw up. anyway.. the whole point of the book is that the freedom struggle is 'but' a backdrop. and it revolves around the lives of three people.. debi dayal, his sister sundari and their common friend/ enemy gian. at various points in the novel all the three wonder if it is better to continue wiht the british rule in india.. as with out them chaos/ corruption/ degradation would become a way of life.. nice novel. finished shalimar the clown also.. didnt like it. going to start ' one night at the call centre' chetan bhagat..

ohh im obsessed with this song 'selling the drama'- live ;) ...and would any one know who sang 'i just died in your arms tonight'??

closure

at times i get too close to people that daily life is a pissoff if i am pissed of by/with/at them.. life looks all rosy if im in a happy mood cause of them. this dependency was eating me from within. i was reacting to them. to their moods.. blah. blah. before i went to mangalore i was constantly dependent on others.. i was double checking my decisions/ thoughts whatever.. whatnot! with them.. somehow the trip has changed me. sort of like made me more indifferent. if that was possible! now i react lesser. and i realised that i donot depend on the same people for my daily life. i know they are but a part of my life. and i can manage fine without them. i am both happy ( at the closure) and sad on one level.. that i am yet to figure out why.. but closure is damn liberating. its like there are no ties.. nothing holding you back. more importantly no one holding you back. me back. ;)

to the moon and back

from the frying pan into the fire.. not really mangalore was heaven in terms of the weather! the breeze was awesome.. and though there was no ac in my grandma's house it was not bad at all!! but its good to be back. familiarity is safe ;)

as i was entering mangalore ( the airport is on some remote hill.. and there is not 'much' of a runway.. im happy this thought did not occur during the take off!) i was looking at the city as a tourist would. never mind the lack of sleep of complete exhaustion, cause of gettin up at four in the morning. i was looking around very detatched, in awe.. at times with wonder. globalisation has not spared much. the sleepy?? town has been transformed into a bustling metropolis. atleast according to me. nothing like he other major metros.. but the fact that what used to be just mangalore alone has become dakshina kannada and udpi district itself is testimony to the effects of modernity..


quite a few of the old buildings have gone. the new ones seem jarring. out of place. ugly even especially to someone who has been raised on the staple diet of mangalore tiles and an almost 'rustic' attitude to life ;). even the poeple have changed. bollywood rears its ugly ass head in the way certain sections of people have begun to dress..

but somethings never change.. *sigh* the konkani community's preocupation with food and marriage is.... is.. i guess just sort of a topic of amusement now. but its very irritating when they go on and on about how they have a ' good boy' in mind!!???what the fuck? and god help you if refuse to eat in any konkani household! the one preparing the food (usually my grandma) will take personal offense and to add insult to the injury will report it to all the inmates/inhabitants of the household. not a very pleasant experience. when in doubt please eat! for the love of god eat! the coconut trees also remind me so much of mangalore.. thought i know most coastal areas are replete with the damn trees and the falling coconuts. not al have been razed to the ground to make way for some new building.. also the 'dress' that women prefer at any given point is the humble 'nighty'. its very intersting to note there is one to wear for the day one for the night. god forbid should you 'exchange' the two! the embarassment the ladies of the household will be face.. ;) but the true beauty of the place lies in its beaches!! especially the one in surathkal!! its beaauuttiifuul. clean. quite. and not a soul in sight. bliss.

the main reason i went there was to meet my grandma. and i dont want to ever go back. she is not well and probably wont live too long. and it takes too much control not to cry my heart out everytime i see her so weak. i really donot understand why she has to endure so much pain.. that too at the end of her damn life.

anyway the second reason was the thread ceremony of my cousin brother. it was an exhaustive inhouse affair with relatives and family.i was on my best behaviour.. much to the shock and amazement of mother dearest.

as i am writing this i realise that first - i want a house in mangalore. surathkal maybe. near the sea..there is a beach in the front yard and fields in the back. second- i can converse with the 'natives' in my broken kannada. not bad i say. and inevitably most know konkani, which becomes very embarassing( for mum not me!;) when i am fighting with mum. we usually revert to the mother tongue so people around donot have any idea what we are saying. lol!