covering all bases.

sometimes we try to convince ourselves that we are happy. or we try not to think of the circumstances...of our unhappiness.

well im trying both. college started yesterday. it is ok. plus sides its close to my house, have made one very decent friend. the boys are ok, in the sense no leecherous bastards. the course itself is something im interested in. i might be able to transfer credits to go abroad...and well the biggest plus side one of my closest friend has joined another course in the same college.

minus sides?? (remember two sides to every story people) well there were no desks. no canteen. no equipment. no blackboard. and no other decent classmates. and i seem to know more than the damn teacher?!!

now the neutral side the desks, equipments, and stuff are all on their way. books and the like will be coming soon. so technically everything should be in place soon. and we will have visiting faculty coming in soon. notice im using 'coming soon' a lot. will let you know, when the soon is.

the reason why im feeling down?? i know i could have had a better environment for learning!! and more importantly i know i deserve better. so....lets just hope for the best. bye.

its a lloooonnngg way to the top!

well college starts on monday and from then on the vacation officially comes to a halt. i will be working (hopefully) six days a week and i dont think ill be getting holidays for christmas. that means i might not be able to come shopping with you thangu!! (sob!!) and in the second year we have to get work experience. ;( ok on to more positive things well for four months i had just parked my ass at home so, technically its time to move on aldready!! secondly i will out of the house like everyday and if i will, be at home ill be sleeping due to exhaustion (read workload), so no more fights with mum and grandma!! yeah!!

but im nervous about the classmates and work prospects after the 2 years!!(sooobbb!) but i guess i'll have to start college for that naa?? ok so here goes. bye.

can't fight the moonlight!!

well since i have finished my literature course all i can associate moonlight or the moon itself is with madness. a few days back i went swimming and i was all alone in the pool for like half an hour. instead of enjoying the solitude like i usually do i was getting really jittery. then praise the lord people started to come. of course that irritated me just as much, too much of humanity is not my cup of tea. but atleast it took my mind of the moon and its influence.!!

the music or the musican??

well i have always wondered about band loyalty. i am drawn to the music, irrespective of genre, band, band members, race or language. and i realised this just some time back. but this does raise the all important question do u just reject a band/ musican if one song is bad?? or do you raise them to the status of god 'cause of one good song?? fickle audience indeed. but its worth a thought aint it??

drama queen!!

well this weekend has been the most fun i have had in a long time. and it did not involve booze, or any other life altering substances. i met up with two awesome buddies and we chilled out in boat club, gawked at the corporates rowing downstream, ate tons of ice cream, good cheap food (at dad's expense) and laughed like psychos till late into the night. this was on sunday.


come monday i payed the price for the fun. i was down with stomach infection and was very, very sick. but am feeling better today so all's well that ends well.

What Women Want..

your heart, your soul
is all i want.
not money, nor fame.
neither your looks, nor your attitude.
your heart, your soul
is all i want.

take your promises elsewhere
'cause your trust is all i need.
reassurances, baubles, praises
do nothing for my state of mind.
your faith is all i need.

just hold me tight
that proves enough.

your presence is all i need.
your heart, soul, trust and faith
is what i crave.
i'll keep them safe.
i promise.

...just hold me tight.
that proves enough.

independence day.

well it seems like a long time back when i wrote a poem for school titled 'freedom a mirage' (if im not mistaken). and we are again here to celebrate the day india got her independence. i vaguely remember the poem and some of the key issues i raised then, they suprisingly are valid even now. so that should dash away any optimistic thoughts about g8 and becoming a developed nation right? what the fuck have we done with our hard won freedom!

music, Is the food of life.

i finally got the song i really wanted.

and im happy.

for today atleast.!!!! ;)

Rest.In.Peace.

out of sight, out of mind.
i, have, been hiding.
its scary admitting it.
but hiding from what?

that is the million dollar question.

the fear to comitt,
pangs of lonliness and seperation.
the agony of failure,
more so, admitting defeat.
confrontational i am not.
no matter the cost, to others, or;
myself.
i am content to cast aside
doubts, insecurities and disparities
in thought, deed and action.
yet here you are,
raking up old arguments,
provoking, irritating, frustrating.
why can you not let it be?
let the sleeping dogs lie!
why can you not be content;
to drink in the present moment?
for this is all i have to offer.
let them lie.

please.

The Glass Is Half Empty.

life has its moments.
each poignant in its pain, hope, humiliation and joy.
sometimes you are bigger than the moment,
at times...the circumstances overcome you.
emptiness is an emotion.
a wide gaping hole exists.
i cannot cry any more.
not because i 'cannot', but,
because i can't.
silence speaks volumes at times like these.
i wonder if all is lost.
a sadness still lingers.
like a dense fog settling down.
suffocating. blurring. heavy.

Inaugration

something best to describe my writing?? predictable. yeah i think that might be an appropriate word. my causes are limited, tone?? perhaps the same. but i truly believe that every indiviual has within themselves the ability to suprise. especially when cornered. its more like survival of the fittest in a twisted way. its during these times that the indiviual truly comes of his/ her own. discarding the facade that had become life.

lets start shall we? welcome to a glimpse into my world. post-modernist( masquerading as rebellious), angst- ridden, existentialist, indifferent. a deadly cockatail if i must say so myself.;) and it did not take too long to come up with this in-depth analysis of thy self.

but i guess each indiviual to his own. from monotony to autonomy. breaking free from a homogeneous culture.

Three Cheers To.......

i promised myself that one day my writing will take a turn for the positive. the glorious, fun fiilled and laughter inducing. so this is a start in that direction (of course do not expect every post to be 'sunshine' personified). ok lets see what are the positive aspects of my life?? um.. see i have to think to write happy? how depressing is that??!!

anyway. first and foremost lets drink to health, and staying healthy. second lets drink to fact that i am finally moving on to better things, bigger things! my dream of being an important, essential and valuable member of the fashion community is about to come true. ( lets pray for this ok people??!) third lets drink to my friends ( not just my close ones, the ones i have grown up with, learnt from, learnt with, loved, respected and cherished) you guys are my sole reson for sanity, survival and .....life itself.

so three cheers to health, dreams coming true and friends.

little black book

a small diary unearthed.
secrets, problems, mistakes; discovered.
a progression of thought over the years.
a movement towards thinking, perhaps?

upon faded yellow pages, words form sentences.
strung together they contain meaning.
a life lived, living maybe. who knows.
who cares.

a black leather case encompasses the writing.
the life.
a journey lived, explored, loved.

the double-edged sword.

reading other blogs at times makes u aware of your own lack of talent? or writers block? whatever the case maybe.....and some blogs make u aware say that you have 'skills' that others donot possess. on the whole i must it is a double edged sword. on one hand pride on the other insecurity. but either way an enriching experience, what say?

reminiscence

pain. success. humiliation.
joy. hope. triumph.
consolation. regret. advice.
you have been through it all with me.

these five years have gone by so rapidly.
a mere memory remains.
the joy of times spent together.
the beauty of a thing called friendship.

kal ho naa ho

every stage, or more importantly every new day brings with it better oppurtunities. just yesterday i was content staying back in sweltering chennai and living a passive existence. but today there is a new challenge. there might be a renewed attempt to move to bangalore. but lets see.....will keep you posted on that front.
but i realised one more important factor hindi is the only language in which 'kal' means both the past and the future. ironic??
so i guess here is to enjoying the present.

the other reality

morning. evening. night.
days. months. years.
seasons.
measured. monitored.
routine. everyday.
life goes on.


ever taken a chance?
the question still hangs, what if?
guess ill never know.

motion sickness

well what can be said of today?? a very good friend left for better pastures. and well left us with mere memories, and photos. well nothing more can be said.

heaven is a place on earth.

today i read a book called 'the five people you meet in heaven'. the book in a nutshell talks of heaven being a subjective concept, and how the idea of heaven differs from person to person. it also goes on say that heaven is not for enjoying the after life but its for contemplation of the life you have lead, and the reasons for certain events and incidents.

this made me think of my perception of heaven. no, it is not white clouds nor does God feature in it. atleast not the regular concept of God. for God could be one of us. any way i love nature and natural beauty. so heaven for me would be; lying on the green grass on a very pleasant day, looking up at the sky. the sun is hiddden behind the clouds providing just the right amount of warmth. the roar of the ocean can be heard at a distance. there is no other sound. but the silence is not oppressive, infact there is only a pleasant buzzing, not of the bees, but of contentment, and satisfaction. something we rarely feel on earth. the sky is dotted with white clouds, and birds. looking up at the sky makes me aware of the infinite possibilities. the idea that there need not be an ending.

this is my perception oh heaven. and the book made me realise that heaven could very wll be a place on earth.

sarkar.

posts on politics is common by my friends. reading them is fun, informative and cathartic all at the same time. why? well i dont think i am going to be witing on any issue at this point. so might as well enjoy their writing or rambling as the case maybe.
so this lead me to a closer inspection of myself, as to why i shy away from these situations and refuse to write about them. well i realised that politics has become a dirrty word and no longer just speaks of democracy built on the principles 'of, by and for the people'. in most countries it has been reduced to a system where the ones raking in the profits are few and those reaping the loses are many(more often than not the general public).
but the pitn is why i dont write about it....well i realised that when i cannot do something to change the system then ignore the wrong doings as they just increase ones blood pressure. why worry about something you cannot cure, or change?
this is my escapist mode. where, the safe haven is created on the principle that there is nothing wrong with the system. i know its cowardice, indifference and maybe apathy.
if you cant beat the system join it???