Wednesday, September 22, 2010

need. a. happy. place.

just when i thought i was capable of emotional detachment i go and do the stupidest thing. get emotionally attached. i did not even know that i can hurt so much. the pain is not just about physical distance but ironically emotional as well. i do not know why i keep pushing and pulling so much. i give and try not to expect, but that rarely happens. i dont even know how to articulate this. which is a first for me.

the themes are recurrent, the emotion is always the same. the need is always the same. to move to happier place i think i need a physical change. environment wise. people wise. job wise.

how does some one stop reminding you of the past. the good/bad/ugly whatever. i get the fact that you decide how much some one affects your life. how do you wrest that control over your life from some one?
my ego wants gratification. my heart craves stability and assurance. my head needs independence.
how many people can provide all that and still stay invested in me?
(do i dare say) in us?

4 comments:

Sreikanth said...

hey ..whats going on ? you sound all depressed and confused.

SDR said...

hello. i am depressed and confused. but i guess i will be ok. thanks for asking though.

ChefTZac said...

Everything is a phase, and I'm sure you know that. This'll pass. Just hang in there Baliga.

Me said...

hey sreikanth and baliga.

you guys probably dont kow me but i used to read your blogs once upon a time.


started blogging again after eternity yesterday and was surfing through blogs and chanced upon baliga's blog and I remembered that i knew you a long time back.

when i read your post the overarching sentiment i sensed was that you feel that you have been in the same place forever.

funny buyt i had an old blog from 5 years ago which i was just reading and i couldnt help thinking that everything that I had written then could just as well be written today...im in the same life space in a sense. and i dont know if that indicates the permanence of life and the threads that run through or if its just sad! anyways. just wanted to say hi.

sreikanth, when i last read your blog, you had just gotten admission in some college in the US and you were so kicked about it. :)

take care you guys.
cheers