SIGGHHHH!

here we go again :P... btw mr.rationality there is no #11 on ur questionaire.... too personal or got deleted during copy, paste time? :P


1. Pick out a scar you have, and explain how you got it?

hmm.. i could tell u tht i have one down the entire length of my face which i got during a bitch fight but tht wont be too original soo.... the one at the corner of my left eye... got it when i was really young,by "accidentally" (read: brother shoving me) hitting some sharp edge of the cabinet in the bathroom.

2. What is on the walls in your room?

pink paint and my baby photos and calendar and some other shite..

3. What does your phone look like.

its pink. its awesome. its awesome because its pink.

4. What music do you listen to?

anything except house.

5. What is your current desktop picture?

my sister's dawg chip... who resembles marley.. and u dont know who marley is do u?? sigghhh

6. What do you want more than anything right now?

short hair. with this freaking hot summer sun im contemplating shaving my head. :(

7. Do you believe in gay marriage?

i personally dont believe in marriage. but hey whatever works for u...

8. What time were you born?

ahh faack when i was born, now the intersting question is where was i born. :) our very own bihar. :)

9. Are your parents still together?

yes yes. if they split up what would society think! gasssp!

10. What are you listening to?

rhcp- desecration smile.

12. The last person to make you cry?

brother dearest. hes for SALE. ill pay you.

13. What is your favourite perfume/cologne?

anything citrusy.

14. What kind of hair/eye colour do you like on the opp sex?

i prefer animals.

15. Do you like pain killers?

no no pain is good. masochism runs deep in the family.

16. Are you too shy to ask someone out?
previous tag covered it all

17. Fave pizza topping?

hmmm.. watever actually..

18. If you could eat anything right now, what would it be?

coffee. its a food group.

19. Who was the last person you made mad?

brother dearest. hes still for sale. i said ill pay you remember??? please you'll be doing social service!!!


20. Is anyone in love with you?

not that i know of. so does that mean im loved less or that i just dont know people are in love with me?? sigghhh

i taggg?? hmmm whoever will attempt this. :)

saw 'the namesake' yesterday. and realised that i have forgotten the book. :( so have to read it again and then decide whch i liked better. though with the fever + throat infection +air conditioned theatre = an even sicker baliga. sob.

rise and fall.

same line of thought as sreicanth's post... but yeah everything happens for a reason. and for me its all been good. the harder i fall the better i learn. considering the events of the past week i must say it does make a lot of sense. and even though i have fucked up i wouldnt do it any other way.

censored.

annd we are back to banning Ftv cause it sends out 'wrong signals' to the impressionable youth. *sigh* i guess the government will never learn. ever.

Question.

if a person takes too long to open up to you.. would you walk away from the relationship (not necessarily a romantic one.. )?

this is assuming you have been talking like you have verbal dysentry.. is it right to feel let down? or is it just plain paranoia?

in the shadows.

at times the person before you(figuritively!) seems so much bigger.... everything seems so perfect. when you are called upon to fill'em shoes...you.. well never quite fill them. and the bite at times never heals. its not so much the comparissons to the other person that irritate (hurt?), its the disappointment that you can never replace them. its the anger that you can never quite be them. ever. no matter how much you try. you dont need someone else's anger or disappointments. im sure we do well in those departments by ourselves. at times though a kind word does not hurt..*sigh*

recommendations!

oh and before i forget there might be a class vacation/trip in the offing.. any interesting places that anyone would want to recommend? i think its a 2 day trip.. think...

see who i am.

its quite refreshing to know that the people you truly love and care about havent changed. and i dont mean at a superficial level... but deep down if they remain the same that is all that matters.. to me atleast. because you know that they dont have any hidden agenda, or plans motives blah... they like you for who you are. with the mood swings, attitude;), coffee+shopping addictions and swearing. they dont expect you to change.. and most important they dont love you so that they can 'reform' you. how many of us can truly say we accept someone else with all their faults? (btw, whos to decide what is a fault.. that aside..:) sure something about someone can irritate the fuck out of us.. but its not about understanding its about respecting difference.

any which way went to bengaluru last week..weekend to be precise, and shopped quite obviously. bought a really nice bag. and loads of other stuff... but off late i have noticed that the first thing i tend to purchase is sunglases. i would be shopping for like an hour, two even and wont be remotely pleased with anything in the vicinity. but after i purchase my nu sunglases then there is no stopping me :) there is some satisfaction when i have shopped, bargained, been cheated :P and then come home exhausted with shopping bags.

so shopped. and partied. and bonded with chip sister dearest's (cuzin sister:) 2 year old lab. apparently he likes'human' females.. and dog 'males'.. if it makes any sense.. and ofcourse updated sistah with all relevant gossip.

ohhhhh, and tgif has the the awesomeest double choclate fudge brownie... :D

goodnight.

sometimes the easiest course of action to take is ignore all the turmoil around you and leave. distance really creates come kind of clarity.. sort of like adding some light to the whole situation. standing your ground at times is not worth it. cause not too many people are worth taking the fight to the end. and the heartache that comes with it is too painful. as is the humiliation that perhaphs, you were too gullible. and at the end of the day we are searching for that ever elusive peace of mind..

pursuit of happyness.

finished shantaram and developed my biceps in the process (hefting the heavy book;). liked it cept for the afghanistan bit.

annnd i got my phone. :))))) the 7390. daddy got back yesterday from uhhhh.. umm.. ok he got back and well i asked if he had gotten the phone. he said no. instead of the usual cribbing. i just said ok and left. i didnt expect him to get it anyway. then he wakes me up at 8 in the morning with the phone in his hand. and its the exact same colour i had asked for :). so yay.

so now my old phone goes to brother as it always does.. except he does not know that it is a 'fashion phone'. aside from the fact that the phone is non existent in his huge hand its a gurls phone. and well i have deleted all incriminating software like 'fashion model' or something like that. so brother is kinda kicked about the camera on the phone. amd he cannot try to usurp the nu phone as its pink. and he'll die before he walks around with that. so alls well that ends well.

quote, unquote

" i take an interst in everything, and commit to nothing"


;D sounds very familiar.

crossroads

i donot know if i want to study furthr or work. its like my friend( dear friend.. not do dear any more;P) said 'you know baliga, after your masters maybe you should apply for a P.Hd or the like in fashion something or the other.. and then soon you'll be one of my most 'educated' friend..' then he couldnt continue as he was laughing a 'bit much'...

aisde from the most educated bit.. im just confused esp with admissions around the corner..

Q&A.

is disenchanment the same thing as losing interest? if distance results in self reliance can it be equated to indifference? can indifference be equated to cruelty? pesudo-intellectual bullshite?? i dont know.. maybe.. just putting pen to paper..

profound thoughts and the like...

brother dearest seems to have a gurlfrend!!! so hence hes off my case for the moment.. a good thing.. but im wondering how long this one will last.

an excerpt from our conversation:

bro: her name is rachel.
moi: does she have a brain.
bro: shes 5'9"
moi: does she have a brain.
bro: she has nice hair.
moi: brain???
bro: she's very fair.
moi: brain (sob)
bro: she talks a lot.

well i dont/didnt have much to say after that....

bittersweet..

of sunshine, and warmth

laughter and the like;

i know not much.

i am forever reminicising

in the winter of my life.

living in cliches.

articulating within catch phrases.

dreaming of things i have,

but, dont recognise.

playing out fantasies in reality.

at times fragments,

probe at the distant past.

a penchant for drama,

a flair for the theatrical

drowning in self pity,

i am immortalised; within the

nostalgia that is my present.

stuff...

finally read linda goodmans book on sunsigns. and well what can i say i am gemini through and through. though somethings are not exactly what i wanted to hear/ read about myself.

btw does any one know what to do with a brother who is 'acting up'?? off late he has for some reason decided to be my guardian angel or some fucking shit. so he thinks he has the sole right to tell me who to be friends with blah blah.. btw this is when it comes to the boys... i can hang with any of the gerls and that aint a problem.. but when it comes to the boys his favourite line is ' you don't know boys'. sob. sob. sob. sob.

all the small things.

its just the small games people play.. a kind of one upmanship.. these games are boring after the first few rounds. and its just a matter of who gives in first. at times i act so freaking dense and ignorant (i am very observant) that i disgust myself. these games are highly selfdestructive. and just because i choose not to indulge in them ( all the time that is..) does not mean i dont know the game or the rules. nor does it mean i am novice at it. they bore me. and its a matter of who is the 'bigger' person at the end of the damn day.

breaking the law.

now for a more 'chilled' out post.. does anyone believe in horoscopes? because my parents especially my mother thinks god above wrote/ made our horoscopes and the word is the law. the astrologer is more loved than family members. and he is an asshole. i takegrest pleasure in ignoring him and making him feel like shite. he comes home and gives gyaan like your daughter will go abroad. the awesome bit is my mother will blindly believe this shite. and tell me im going abroad. when i was crying my self hoarse for the past few years wanting to go abroad no one seems to give a fuck. but yea some random person says it and hey im hauling ass. like the astrologer is paying for my fees abroad.

aside from will she go abroad.. everyone's favourite question is when will she get married? ( not WILL she, but when) is it given that i am interested in marriage? i guess so.. though i have said numerous times that i am not. the question they are afraid to ask ( i love this part;) will she marry with in the community? i dont to marry. aside from the fact that i think my community is a piece of shit and i have an almost racist/ communal dislike for most members from this community. and marrying with in the community is an achivement in which walk to life??

what really irritates me is that the astrologers word is law. no one wants to let destiny take its own course. i have nothing against astrology. but all sciences need to approached with an open mind, and reasoning. evryone is so preoccupied with the future that we lose the present. and there is nothing worse than that. but mother dearest feels that astrology is the be all and end all. so i asked her "if the astrologer says i am going to die tomorrow will you start funeral preperations today?"

breakstuff.

this is highly repetitive the fact i cant/dont? want to do something about it pisses me off.. but i so freaking need to vent its not even funny.. this has definitely moved on form the fact that a plain fuck off isnt even enough, now i feel the urge to whack someone/something really hard. very hard. now that one part of the ranting is over.. the point at hand is the fact that i am a bitch.. but apparently i am not as well. certain people piss the fuck outta me.. and i cant seem to tell them to fuck off. i dont hang with any of them, and have not had a meaning ful conversation with them in months. i dont see a reason for the 'stalkerish' interest they have in me. this is despite all the attitude i have thrown.. and the fact that i have been too 'busy' to meet with any of them in months. i am anti confrontational so i try to get someone else to start the fight so i can finish it off and leave!! but why any of them are still clinging on to me is beyond me actually.. and most ofthem had no respect in my eyes to begin with.. now the fact that they seem to have no self respect, or dignity to leave after all the insults well lets just say they cease to exist..

the question now is i am not doing something about it? or i cant do anything about it.. and yes i know we can do whatever we want blah blah.. but if i do tell them to fuck off no one just leaves.. there are a hundred questions.. and i dont like being answerable to anyone. not even my parents. so these people technicaly dont feature anywhere. so instead of answering questions i get evasive. i just go into hiding. and my favourite line is that college is a bitch and i have too much work. if you go by the amount of work i am supposed to be doing i should atleast have 2 fashion stores in the city.

which again comes down to the fact that most of these people are highly superficial. what u wear. what you drive. intellectual reasoning and intelligence is beyond most. and more importantly none of them possess andy semblance of indiviuality.. which is by far the worst! why did i even hang out with them?? good question. when u meet people for the first time that too in a night club there isnt much room for conversation. so everyone appears normal. then you hang out with them and realise they are all tad too lame. and so i try to back off. and not meet. that leads to fifty questions as to why i am not meeting. please note college, grades, amibition is not of much importance to many in the group. arrears are cool you see. and the amazing thing about this is that they assume they are 'cool' and the rest of the world actually subscribes to this dictum too.

so i guess fuck off is what the doctor ordered..... *sigh*

want ;(

sniff. sniff anyone want to buy it me? i guess not..*sigh*.