i have or rather HAD dream

suddenly the world seems new.
brand new.
sparkling clean, lace curtains, picket fence
white. cliche? maybe.
safe? yes!
"to sleep, and perchance to dream"
dare to dream. only to have it mocked.
perseverance has lost its meaning.
the bitter after taste remains.
sour. harsh. fetid. curdling.
all that remains is a jumble,
oblivion. eternity. fantasy. reality.
xharcters in a never ending nightmare.

guess who's back?

greetings to my fellow bloggers! ;) well the week of exams, cramming, sleepless nights are all over. so i think i shall be regular in posting entries. anyway one buddy of mine has left ;(,
but well another one is on her way over here. (muah thangu) i guess that is the cyclic nature of life.
college is over and i should feel relaxed right? wrong. i'm stressed out, and im freaking out.
what next? and my relatives (read bitches) are not making life easier. atleast i have started applying and stuff so...alls well that ends well?? (please pray for me) ;)
so waht am i planing to do these two months hang with my buddy, shop!!!!, sleep. learn to drive (hopefully), dance classes, travel, and do one thing that frightns me the most. so here is the amibitious list. i have to get through atleast a few of it. that is it for now. bye tc.

beyond fear

standing in the darkness of the night,
the cool wind makes me shiver.
its a moonless night. clear, cloudless.
in the distance, the roar of the train reverberates.
i walk as if in a daze.
slowly towards the tracks.
the blinding light pierces the darkness.
pierces my soul.
sreeching sounds of the brakes.
smoke, frightened, excited cries all surround me.
time stands still.
my slashed wrists stand testimony to earlier futile attempts.
the train surges past me.
the force jolts my being.
pain engulfs me.
but, i am beyond mortal fears, pains, suffering.
the train comes to a standstill
as i watch from a distance,
above.

barsaat (rain)

its raining!
the storm clouds have arrived.
grey, heavy, laden with water.
the beauty of a freshly cleansed city scape.
even the scrap of metal holds beauty.
bright green leaves.
brown earth, multi-hued flowers.
children getiing wet.
a chilly draft, cold enough to give goosebumps.
the smell of wet earth.
hot coffee.hmmmmmmm!
this is life baby.

the creative persona's manifesto

they tell me i have no ambition.
is sitting in an airconditioned office ambition?
six-figure salaries are ambition?
creativity is'nt ambition?
in this band wagon of 9-5 jobs
with no time to breathe,
where is the time for creativity?

everything is beautiful.
beauty lies in the eye of the beholder.
all sprout these lines.
cliches!
practice what you preach.
i have no time to stand and stare,
i have miles to go before i sleep.

but the question is,
when you do sleep will you regret the miles?

graduation day

detachment is an option.
maybe even 'the' option.
close ties, bonds, experiences;
all come to an end in the blink of an eye.
sadness, nostalgia, pain.
'should learn to live with it' i tell myself.
easier said than done.

"out of the darkness and into the sun,
but i wont forget the ones that i love"-kelly clarkson

forge the past with the present.
leave it behind, dont forget it though.
its but a stage. seems like a lifetime.
sigh!

basic instinct

the tough exterior is but a farce.
i am scared shitless inside.
who to confide in?
family revels in failures,
and friends have their own lives to live out.
trust, and faith two non- existent words in my vocabulary.
but i guess you learn to pick up the pieces,
but again do u build with the devastation?
or start over again?

no strings attached

all the toil, struggle,
blood, sweat and tears.
all have come down to the last few hours.
the last nail biting moments.
but it seems worth it.
the terror has subsided.
we have passed the test
with no strings attached.

reality check

ever heard the voices within?
felt the peace? or even the violence within?
we are all so absorbed with our external realities,
that we forget to introspect.
introspection leads to revelations.
reflections.

tune in. and tune out reality.

independence day?

six days left for the end of a nightmare.
but six days left to an ever widening question,
what next?
two sides of the same coin.
doubts, fears apprehensions, seperations,
six days to address them all.
the gyre keeps on turning, turning.
it aint gonna stop.
so i think ill have to just freaking get off!

in the end

"....ive tried so hard and got so far
in the end it doesnt even matter,
had to far to lose it all,
in the end it doesnt even matter.
i have put my trust in you
pushed as far as i can go
for all this there is only one thing you should know..
in the end it doesnt e3ven matter!"- Linkin Park

voltage fluctuations

by fate we met
glances, stolen looks, smiles.
a connection was made.
or so i thought. burnt.
high to low, low-high.
a freaking cyclic process.
a yearning to see you,
embarassing.
yet, you do not respond.
disappointment.frustration.
bring on the alcohol.

the thin red line

all the worlds a stage, and men and women are mere actors.
masks, costumes, voice modulations, scripts.
where does the play end and life begin?
the fictionality of life?
i donot like acting.
i am not a good actor.
so is there room for me in this freaking circus?!

the god of ALL things.

the thirst for power kills my being.
yet it remains unfulfilled.
they say knowledge is power.
power exists without knowledge.
ignorance is bliss.
and in an ironic manner power in itself.
the power of indifference.
maniplulation, threats, tears;
all come against an unmoving wall.
saturation. melting point.
when will the battle of wits end!

bitter sweet symphony.

the bitter sweet irony of life? well... a cliche.
in true filmi style you have a hero, a heroine, and the villian.
skip the songs and the bare thread of a storyline, you have a happy ending.
closure.
exit stage left, welcome to reality.
time for some fortification(name your poison, mine is caffeine).
ok so now you have the heroine as the earlier scene. but the hero aint interested;
villian totally interested.
bittersweet irony of life....heroine is a lesbian! :p

ridiculous aspects of life

life works in mysterious ways.
the ones who you want to converse with are not interested.
its the perverted bastards that want to chat you up!
i mean 'really'!!!
but then again maybe its a test for better things to come your way.
but it does seem like an awful lot of tests are coming my way,
and the results are not sweet. trust me.
so any tips for lil ol'me for the new month?

in a material world

the pressure to confirm presses in on all fronts!
the disapproving tone.
the condecsending look.
the life of the normal in an abnormal world,
crushed in the myriad homogeneous
one longs to break free.
diffrent. unique. special.
yet hemmed in.
sing my muse i am setting you free!

o where art thou?!!

a multitude of faces, yet i cant find you.
questions of your existence arise.
i brush them aside.
i believe everyone has a soulmate, a life partner.
to borrow some cheesy hindi film lines:
"some one some where is made for you"
twenty years but not a shadow on the horizon.
evening has approached and im turning back.
so are you coming?

the agony of life

we cannot choose our family. period.

the second coming

well regrets seem to plague my being
the grass is the best on the other side.
dissatisfaction, and envy are my constant companions.
yet to make something of this existence seems beyond me.
just twenty years into this wide, corrupt world yet the cynic in me has risen.
its time for a change. metamorphsis?
or just a snake shedding its skin?
the environment influences me. but can it make me?
it is time to take control. how?
well that i would have to figure out.
slowly. faltering. but surely.