graduation day

detachment is an option.
maybe even 'the' option.
close ties, bonds, experiences;
all come to an end in the blink of an eye.
sadness, nostalgia, pain.
'should learn to live with it' i tell myself.
easier said than done.

"out of the darkness and into the sun,
but i wont forget the ones that i love"-kelly clarkson

forge the past with the present.
leave it behind, dont forget it though.
its but a stage. seems like a lifetime.
sigh!

basic instinct

the tough exterior is but a farce.
i am scared shitless inside.
who to confide in?
family revels in failures,
and friends have their own lives to live out.
trust, and faith two non- existent words in my vocabulary.
but i guess you learn to pick up the pieces,
but again do u build with the devastation?
or start over again?

no strings attached

all the toil, struggle,
blood, sweat and tears.
all have come down to the last few hours.
the last nail biting moments.
but it seems worth it.
the terror has subsided.
we have passed the test
with no strings attached.

reality check

ever heard the voices within?
felt the peace? or even the violence within?
we are all so absorbed with our external realities,
that we forget to introspect.
introspection leads to revelations.
reflections.

tune in. and tune out reality.

independence day?

six days left for the end of a nightmare.
but six days left to an ever widening question,
what next?
two sides of the same coin.
doubts, fears apprehensions, seperations,
six days to address them all.
the gyre keeps on turning, turning.
it aint gonna stop.
so i think ill have to just freaking get off!

in the end

"....ive tried so hard and got so far
in the end it doesnt even matter,
had to far to lose it all,
in the end it doesnt even matter.
i have put my trust in you
pushed as far as i can go
for all this there is only one thing you should know..
in the end it doesnt e3ven matter!"- Linkin Park

voltage fluctuations

by fate we met
glances, stolen looks, smiles.
a connection was made.
or so i thought. burnt.
high to low, low-high.
a freaking cyclic process.
a yearning to see you,
embarassing.
yet, you do not respond.
disappointment.frustration.
bring on the alcohol.

the thin red line

all the worlds a stage, and men and women are mere actors.
masks, costumes, voice modulations, scripts.
where does the play end and life begin?
the fictionality of life?
i donot like acting.
i am not a good actor.
so is there room for me in this freaking circus?!

the god of ALL things.

the thirst for power kills my being.
yet it remains unfulfilled.
they say knowledge is power.
power exists without knowledge.
ignorance is bliss.
and in an ironic manner power in itself.
the power of indifference.
maniplulation, threats, tears;
all come against an unmoving wall.
saturation. melting point.
when will the battle of wits end!

bitter sweet symphony.

the bitter sweet irony of life? well... a cliche.
in true filmi style you have a hero, a heroine, and the villian.
skip the songs and the bare thread of a storyline, you have a happy ending.
closure.
exit stage left, welcome to reality.
time for some fortification(name your poison, mine is caffeine).
ok so now you have the heroine as the earlier scene. but the hero aint interested;
villian totally interested.
bittersweet irony of life....heroine is a lesbian! :p

ridiculous aspects of life

life works in mysterious ways.
the ones who you want to converse with are not interested.
its the perverted bastards that want to chat you up!
i mean 'really'!!!
but then again maybe its a test for better things to come your way.
but it does seem like an awful lot of tests are coming my way,
and the results are not sweet. trust me.
so any tips for lil ol'me for the new month?

in a material world

the pressure to confirm presses in on all fronts!
the disapproving tone.
the condecsending look.
the life of the normal in an abnormal world,
crushed in the myriad homogeneous
one longs to break free.
diffrent. unique. special.
yet hemmed in.
sing my muse i am setting you free!

o where art thou?!!

a multitude of faces, yet i cant find you.
questions of your existence arise.
i brush them aside.
i believe everyone has a soulmate, a life partner.
to borrow some cheesy hindi film lines:
"some one some where is made for you"
twenty years but not a shadow on the horizon.
evening has approached and im turning back.
so are you coming?

the agony of life

we cannot choose our family. period.

the second coming

well regrets seem to plague my being
the grass is the best on the other side.
dissatisfaction, and envy are my constant companions.
yet to make something of this existence seems beyond me.
just twenty years into this wide, corrupt world yet the cynic in me has risen.
its time for a change. metamorphsis?
or just a snake shedding its skin?
the environment influences me. but can it make me?
it is time to take control. how?
well that i would have to figure out.
slowly. faltering. but surely.

children of a greater god

well today seemed a total waste of makeup!! besides having like 3 hours of clases we had to stay back for special credit classes where we had to take care of 54 five-year-olds. (these are children of the shanti bhavan who are left in the care of our college teachers, they are collected by their parents at the end of the day.) it was chaos, pandemonium reigned! running around, screaming getting them together and organising games!! argh!! but at the end of the day when the kids said with mega watt smiles "bye akka see you tommorow" it seemed worth it.
what is it about us that does not allow us to understand human potential unless it has been wasted? again it seems that unless an effort has been taken we cannot seem to appreciate the gesture. a smile can make us much happier through out the day. yet we cling on tenaciously to the notion that blood, or sweat only goes into making someone feel that much better.
today was nothing special. it was hot, humid and annoying! yet a smile made my day worth the make up!

bliss is solitude

my state of mind thanks to return of father from business trip! :
" do not walk behind me i may not lead. do not walk ahead of me, for i may not follow. do not walk beside me, either. just leave me alone!!!"

crying myself hoarse

i feel the waves crashing
standing, i let them wash over me.
cold, strong, icy sharp, cleansing.
as i walk further into the icy depths
i call out to you.
i cry myself hoarse, yet all in vain.
slowly i walk in...
as the wave crashes over my head
all i think is that i cried myself hoarse.
but, you never came.

a celebration of life

well did not go to college. again! (might i add).
the joy of sleeping in when you know that everyone else is dying in college is wonderful.
sadistic me! :-)
life is beautiful when you sleep in.
it becomes that much more prominent.
distance does make the heart grow fonder.
have to say that is the same with life too!
"chaos, panic, disorder- my work here is done."

some things are worth waking up for

today there was a seminar by one my classmates in post colonialism class. and she spoke about a poem by a writer/activist tenzin tsundue from tibet. it was very moving especially the last two lines of the poem she read, it went" i am tibetan/ but i am not from tibet/ never benn there./ yet i dream of dying there." such seminars realy make the day worthwhile and makes one realise that there is much to be thankful for in life. it really made me sit up and take notice of a life and a vision beyond one's self. and that there is an entire world outside of one's (my!) indiference!