in a material world

the pressure to confirm presses in on all fronts!
the disapproving tone.
the condecsending look.
the life of the normal in an abnormal world,
crushed in the myriad homogeneous
one longs to break free.
diffrent. unique. special.
yet hemmed in.
sing my muse i am setting you free!

o where art thou?!!

a multitude of faces, yet i cant find you.
questions of your existence arise.
i brush them aside.
i believe everyone has a soulmate, a life partner.
to borrow some cheesy hindi film lines:
"some one some where is made for you"
twenty years but not a shadow on the horizon.
evening has approached and im turning back.
so are you coming?

the agony of life

we cannot choose our family. period.

the second coming

well regrets seem to plague my being
the grass is the best on the other side.
dissatisfaction, and envy are my constant companions.
yet to make something of this existence seems beyond me.
just twenty years into this wide, corrupt world yet the cynic in me has risen.
its time for a change. metamorphsis?
or just a snake shedding its skin?
the environment influences me. but can it make me?
it is time to take control. how?
well that i would have to figure out.
slowly. faltering. but surely.

children of a greater god

well today seemed a total waste of makeup!! besides having like 3 hours of clases we had to stay back for special credit classes where we had to take care of 54 five-year-olds. (these are children of the shanti bhavan who are left in the care of our college teachers, they are collected by their parents at the end of the day.) it was chaos, pandemonium reigned! running around, screaming getting them together and organising games!! argh!! but at the end of the day when the kids said with mega watt smiles "bye akka see you tommorow" it seemed worth it.
what is it about us that does not allow us to understand human potential unless it has been wasted? again it seems that unless an effort has been taken we cannot seem to appreciate the gesture. a smile can make us much happier through out the day. yet we cling on tenaciously to the notion that blood, or sweat only goes into making someone feel that much better.
today was nothing special. it was hot, humid and annoying! yet a smile made my day worth the make up!

bliss is solitude

my state of mind thanks to return of father from business trip! :
" do not walk behind me i may not lead. do not walk ahead of me, for i may not follow. do not walk beside me, either. just leave me alone!!!"

crying myself hoarse

i feel the waves crashing
standing, i let them wash over me.
cold, strong, icy sharp, cleansing.
as i walk further into the icy depths
i call out to you.
i cry myself hoarse, yet all in vain.
slowly i walk in...
as the wave crashes over my head
all i think is that i cried myself hoarse.
but, you never came.

a celebration of life

well did not go to college. again! (might i add).
the joy of sleeping in when you know that everyone else is dying in college is wonderful.
sadistic me! :-)
life is beautiful when you sleep in.
it becomes that much more prominent.
distance does make the heart grow fonder.
have to say that is the same with life too!
"chaos, panic, disorder- my work here is done."

some things are worth waking up for

today there was a seminar by one my classmates in post colonialism class. and she spoke about a poem by a writer/activist tenzin tsundue from tibet. it was very moving especially the last two lines of the poem she read, it went" i am tibetan/ but i am not from tibet/ never benn there./ yet i dream of dying there." such seminars realy make the day worthwhile and makes one realise that there is much to be thankful for in life. it really made me sit up and take notice of a life and a vision beyond one's self. and that there is an entire world outside of one's (my!) indiference!

quote for the day

"too many freaks, not enough circuses!"-unknown. :-)

on a day like today.

there are days when one is just too bored with life do little else but waste away.
today seems a day like that.
to begin with waking up at twelve thirty in the afternoon means half the day is gone,
so goodbye productivity.
then to spend the day watching inane movies with enrique iglesias in them,
wow what was i thining??! was i thinking?
so now seated here i dwell on the numerous days spent like this,
each a seemless blur.
blending, numbing.
they say "an idle mind is the devil's workshop"
but to do nothing, is doing something, in itself, right?
so here is to good times and cheers to doing nothing! :-)

no answer.

why is that everyday is an effort to get up?
each morning brings with it but boredom, and more pain
incentives to move are required
but lately they are falling short..way short.
it is very scary to assume everyday is going to be another uphill battle to get up.
questions of the purpose of life revolve round and round and round...,
hovering, disturbing.
but no answers emerge.
i guess you have to work it out for yourself
find what direction suits you.
but let us pray that the answer emerges soon!!

love and its trappings

"jaane kyon log pyaar karte hain? jaane kyon woh kissi pe marte hain?"-dil chahta hai

over rated is what this word is. love???
pah! every book, card and most people swear by it.
what about us, almost eradicated species not touched by it?
life still has meaning.
work still remains unappealing.
and food remanins one of the few pleasures.
so why dwell on this undefinable emotion,
warm, fuzzy and pink invade my mindspace!
i love pink, i am warm(atleast most of the time),
but not in love!
a proclamation. a decision?
love is a state of mind. period!

a memorable quote:

"its important to have an end to journey to, but in the end it is the journey that matters!"

the first tiime i read it took sometime to make sense
some time for comprehension to dawn, that,
every journey need not be a luxury.
it depends what you make of your life and the subsequently the 'journey'.
experiences both good and bad
people, friends and well....others
what does not kill you will eventually make you stronger
so let us celebrate this journey called life.

the macrocosm

i am a mere microcosm
i would like not to dwell on that
but life's all that and more!

a purpose seems necessary
a duty is essential.
existing plain agony without either.

the questions, the looks, the whispers
argh!! society,
waiting for you to slip
watching, analysing, dissecting.

cause life is all this and more...unfortunately.

rock star!!

lights, music, crowds, security, ....a rockstar
but no counterfoil.
running around
an adventure.
apocalypse redux.

clear skies, a moonlit night to remember.
thousands screaming, singing, hooting
gyrating music
soulful lyrics
good friends to share it with
lights, music, crowds, security...my first concert!! :-)

tangibility of freedom

last exam. one and a half hours more.
home, country roads take me home

next month yet another cycle.

lost soul

mere months left, days even......
yet distance has set in
every day yet another farce
conversation mere small talk

feelings boarded in
memories...relived
happy times,ah! those were the days

mere months left yet..distance has set in
torn,mutilated,and frozen
yet my soul lives on
but where is the other half?

time out

every day the hustle and bustle of life!
"time waits for no man"
but what if there is no man left for time?!!

mortality a negation.

fading out reality.

today i noticed my garden, not exactly eden but....well a semblance of it
each tree, flower and ugly creeper shedding
but beautiful in its own right

time ah! the nemisis? a necessity? a yardstick?

runing out!!!