the other reality

morning. evening. night.
days. months. years.
seasons.
measured. monitored.
routine. everyday.
life goes on.


ever taken a chance?
the question still hangs, what if?
guess ill never know.

motion sickness

well what can be said of today?? a very good friend left for better pastures. and well left us with mere memories, and photos. well nothing more can be said.

heaven is a place on earth.

today i read a book called 'the five people you meet in heaven'. the book in a nutshell talks of heaven being a subjective concept, and how the idea of heaven differs from person to person. it also goes on say that heaven is not for enjoying the after life but its for contemplation of the life you have lead, and the reasons for certain events and incidents.

this made me think of my perception of heaven. no, it is not white clouds nor does God feature in it. atleast not the regular concept of God. for God could be one of us. any way i love nature and natural beauty. so heaven for me would be; lying on the green grass on a very pleasant day, looking up at the sky. the sun is hiddden behind the clouds providing just the right amount of warmth. the roar of the ocean can be heard at a distance. there is no other sound. but the silence is not oppressive, infact there is only a pleasant buzzing, not of the bees, but of contentment, and satisfaction. something we rarely feel on earth. the sky is dotted with white clouds, and birds. looking up at the sky makes me aware of the infinite possibilities. the idea that there need not be an ending.

this is my perception oh heaven. and the book made me realise that heaven could very wll be a place on earth.

sarkar.

posts on politics is common by my friends. reading them is fun, informative and cathartic all at the same time. why? well i dont think i am going to be witing on any issue at this point. so might as well enjoy their writing or rambling as the case maybe.
so this lead me to a closer inspection of myself, as to why i shy away from these situations and refuse to write about them. well i realised that politics has become a dirrty word and no longer just speaks of democracy built on the principles 'of, by and for the people'. in most countries it has been reduced to a system where the ones raking in the profits are few and those reaping the loses are many(more often than not the general public).
but the pitn is why i dont write about it....well i realised that when i cannot do something to change the system then ignore the wrong doings as they just increase ones blood pressure. why worry about something you cannot cure, or change?
this is my escapist mode. where, the safe haven is created on the principle that there is nothing wrong with the system. i know its cowardice, indifference and maybe apathy.
if you cant beat the system join it???

Contradictons.

I just finished reading the 6th and the penultimate Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. It was exhilarating to read the book but at the same time an overwhelming sadness engulfed me. Not because the series would come to an end, but the thought that there are some of us in the world without a soul in the world to call family. I guess Hermione and Ron could be counted as family but have families and lives of their own that do not involve Harry.

Somewhere some one is watching out for you.
Someone cares. Some one worries.
The thought maybe annoying at times,
But comforting.
To know that we are not alone in this world,
Presence is felt more keenly through absence.
Life more keenly looked upon after a death.
Loss makes us realize the value of what we have.
Or rather what we had.
The grass seems always greener on the other side.


i know this post seems vastly different from the hate spewing forth in the earlier post but,......well some lessons come from experience some from a book......

family potrait

they come in hoardes. like locusts.
lunches, dinners, get togethers, meetings.....
false promises, fake smiles, evil intentions.
never has the going been so good.

wonder what i did??
it still puzzles me.

never a moment to lets my guard down,
to breathe in peace.
not a soul to share moments with,
no one to revel in the joy,
or mourn in sadness.
never has the going been so good.

all the more necessary for me to escape the vicious cycle, right?
well that is going to happen soon.
i still wonder what i did??
it still puzzles me.
never has the going been so good.

but, there is always some respite on the horizon.
friends to lean on.
siblings to share with.
all truly happy with my success,
sad with the sorrow.
i wonder what i did ?
never has the going been so good!

to move or not to move

today is the most important day of my life. as my future rests in the capable but small hands of my friend. for the past two weeks food, and sleep seems to have lost its purpose. i have been obsessing about my accomodation facilities once i reach bangalore. but on seeing the state of affairs in the garden city........depression is not just something that happens to others! any moment now i should be recieving a call from my buddy informing me of the good or.....bad news as it were.
these past two weeks have called for deep introspection of me, my mind, motives etc. yeah its not like me to obsess about something not in my control. i'd rather forget it if i cant control it. so these two weeks have been in short killing me softly. my most 'solid' reason for moving to bangalore seems to be coz i need to get out of my house. not the course, the city nothing appeals. im leaving behind my friends, my solid-stable life, to move to a city where commuting is not, just an occupational hazard.
i hav been listening to the numerous theories on should i move or not. weighing the pros and cons. ultimately i think the move will do me good. i will make new friends (im not that crazy!), ill become more independent, learn to cook, and yeah the freedom i will have is tantalsing.
to conclude yeah the move should no actually will (lets think positively) do me good. but now only if i could get some nice place to stay!!

Pearls of Wisdom

its is funny how soon time flies. three years were spent wondering when college would get over. now it is. and well.......we wish we were still in the 'hell hole'! new beginnings for all of us friends. full of uncertainty, fear, and misgivings. sometimes i think i take the title of 'self -destructive-rebel' a bit too seriously.the need to do 'my' thing all the time is a bit over whelming. and if i dont do it my way it gnaws at my being. to do my thing to prove everyone else wrong. itis hard work. but now when i look back at it, immature! is the only word that comes to mind.
but then again the whole point of college seems to be making your friends, learning from your mistakes, and getting your degree.

Things I Have Learn't From College:

1. take nothing at face value- but only time and experience can teach these.
2. work hard. play harder. the benefits are waaayyy better.
3. be true to yourself.
4. teachers don't know everything. in some cases they know nothing.
5. friends are your only refuge.
6. read. write. it helps lessen the angst!! ;)
7. walk. it keeps you in shape. and the 'local' sights and scenery are awesome!
8. siblings aren't all that bad. they provide entertainment.
9. when your parents donot trust you there is no guilt when you do break it.
10. trust is fragile. so be careful!!!
11. never start a fight. but sure as hell complete one (if necessary).
12. its is never 'home sweet home'.
13. dont judge. 'free your mind and the rest will follow'
14. distance makes the heart and the bonds grow stronger.
15. sleep. it helps you deal with reality.

bye........

My Race

The wind rushes through my hair
Harsh, violent, cold. …unforgiving,
I stop to watch the dying embers in the metal trashcan,
The eerie orange glow illuminates my face;
Highlighting the grime and dust caked on it.
In an alley a young child cries ,
They go unanswered.
Crimson rivers flow .....unchecked.
Another explosion in the vicinity, rocks the meager shelter
Contorted steel shapes pass in a blur
I run to escape the shelling.
Fear rises up, like bile in my throat
Every sound, and movement adds
To the ever mounting tension.
I stand still as the last of the planes flies by
Craters, debris, blood and bodies ,mangled remains of buildings,
Left in its wake.
As the siren sounds,
I know they are done… for the day.

consistency

friendship, companionship, love, respect, space.
all go hand in hand. shoulder to shoulder.
rarely do you find people your comfortable sharing just about anything with.
but with the cycle of life nothing remains constant.
people, lives , places change.
maybe only change is constant!

let there be light....and there was Light!

it is said that 'the world is a book,
and those who travel donot read more than a page'.
hence i walk on.
walking i see what i coudnt have seen,
had i kept to myself.
had i...been the person i was.
and realise,
that life's hurdles are meant to test us.
life itself is a test;
not everyone can ace.
the trick lies, not in knowing everything beforehand.
but, learning as you go.
learning as you live your life.
learning till the end of your life.

Best Laid Plans.

some plans are set before hand.
they are thought out carefully, ummm...
well planned and over all...fool proof?
or more like fail proof.
some plans are made overnight.
between two friends.
one who's head is perpetually in the clouds [me ;)],
and the other's grounded in reality and practicality.
but sometimes these plans too succeed.

which plans succeed? and which fail?
i guess if you have enough faith in your plan,
and if all parties involved have faith in themselves,
and each other.
ok enough with the philosophy.
its partay time!

gone in sixty seconds ;(

is there justice in the world??? all i see are the evil triumphing. in every walk of life.
a good friend got waitlisted today for the college she soooo badly wanted to get into. and not to say she is average!!! we are talking of the next nobel prize winner for literature here!!! but anyway on amore positive note my good friends came home today. and we drowned our sorrows with movies, gossip, junk food, ice cream and of course laughing!! ;) in fact they just left now and since i was on a high thought i would write one of my more 'positive' posts.
tomorrow another good friend would be leaving to singapore and back to the grind of college and assignments. but i guess that is the cycle they call life. it hard to say goodbye. and even harder to tell that someone you love. but i guess all good things must come to an end and as they say: the show must go on. ;(

Things To Do:

Things to do before i leave town:

1. tell my friends i love them. (muah all you lovely ladies)
2. pack everything i own. not interested in coming back to live under somebody'else's (parents) rules.
3. try to take my comforter along. ( its not that big!!)
4. maybe my dog.....spotty, my fluffy cushions.......my stereo?
5. ok ok relax kidding about somethings.
6. meet accquaintences one last time. includes my family.
7. take all the latest technology that has been bestowed upon me!! ( there is a god)
8. my shoes pack them nicely
9. inform my buddies this is the age of computers hence they should keep in touch!
10. call up grandma and tell her i love her.
11. apologise to mum for bad behaviour ;(
12. kiss lava (the neighbours dog) good bye.
13. try to find a library close to home in b'lore.
14. try to buy a few last minute clothes before i go. ;)
15. kiss friends good bye. and thank them for being there for me through thick and thin.

words

i saw the movie 'shabd' (word) today. it was a different story but the movie has not been shot well. it was very ummmmm...hazy and broken? the images were not coming together in the end and the songs could have been definitley left out. ashwariya rai looked beautiful and sanjay dutt handsome. what was zayed khan's role again???
the point to post is that the movie got me thinking about the age old debate" art imitates life or life art?" have gone through this debate pretty often during my three year tenue as a literature graduate. but it has always been brushed aside like an open ended debate. i believe that life inspires our literary and imaginative world. for without living how would we know how to draw or paint or sculpt or write? if anyone else has conflicting views please free to comment. discussion leads to enlightenment!! ;)

Muse

you are the inspiration.
the emotion.
the tears.
the joy.
sorrow.
heartache, and;
the passion.

you are the story,
the song and the lyrics.
you are my life.
my breath.
you are the hope of a better tomrrow.
you are the past, present,
and the distant future.

"you are the reason my faith in tomorrow,
a distant horizon with you i must follow."- air supply feat. mehnaz

Ordinary

is it worth holding out for the 'perfect' thing?
the knight in shining armour, the dream job,
the picture-perfect life?
how does one differentitate,
between the ordinary and the extra-ordinary?
the ordinary could be the 'perfect'.
the extra-ordinary could just be masquerading as the extra something.

sometimes it is just easier giving in.
sometimes the end is worth the fight.
and somethings, sometimes donot have a conclusion.

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

i turned twenty last week
on the 12th to be exact, amidst fanfare and revelry.
ate cake, pizza and opened presents.

more importantly spent quality time with my friends.
what will i do without you???
love you much. muah to all!!!

just a lil bit... more. always.

scared shitless. yes.
scared to screw up a good up a good friendship?
well guilty as charged.
20 years and counting.
years actually lived? zlich.
you do the math.
i have always been pretty weak at it.
yeah this quite sums it up:
"i have measured my life in coffeespoons" (or something to this effect)
- 'The Love Song Of J Alfred Prufrock' -T.S Eliot

for a coffee addict that seems a fit way to go about life.
but important things are to be measured in more worthy units.
period.

sunday afternoon

yesterday i went for a play titled 'evam indrajit'. well the play was ok but the company rocked so the event remains some sort of an 'incident' not to be forgotten. the theme was existentialism, something i live for, but to sit through something that seemed to play out like the angst-ridden life i might lead was disconcerting. at many times i tried to divert my attention from the characters and the drama of their lives with humour. the play came to an abrupt halt on the note that not all of us are kamal, vimal and ummmm nirmal?? ok basically not all of us are meant to live like the dime a dozen tom-dick(and)-harry's of the world.

i am waiting for a new life to start,
can i truly break away from the old one? a fresh start?
no? i dont know? maybe. maybe not.
but the point being, the journey is what that matters right?
but, you cannot stereotype lives.
no matter the fact that we all try to fit into stereotypes.


we all have our idealistic notions of 'saving the planet'
'world peace' and what not. in fact why not!
and all of are not Miss India's, yet the dreams( read fantasy) remains.
sinking, more often than not into the mire of mundane life.
but then again maybe we can merge.
not adopt triviality, but adapt it to suit our needs.
lets be manipulative.

but completing the circle of thought,
i am waiting to start a new life.
i am hoping to leave behind the painful memories (nightmares?)
and shall we say move on??
mmmmm who am i kidding?! its more life running away.

so since i am technically going away heres a toast:
here's to the 'indrajit' in all of us.
may he rise at the most inopurtune moments
to breathe new perspective into our lives.
*clink* *clink* ;)