let there be light....and there was Light!

it is said that 'the world is a book,
and those who travel donot read more than a page'.
hence i walk on.
walking i see what i coudnt have seen,
had i kept to myself.
had i...been the person i was.
and realise,
that life's hurdles are meant to test us.
life itself is a test;
not everyone can ace.
the trick lies, not in knowing everything beforehand.
but, learning as you go.
learning as you live your life.
learning till the end of your life.

Best Laid Plans.

some plans are set before hand.
they are thought out carefully, ummm...
well planned and over all...fool proof?
or more like fail proof.
some plans are made overnight.
between two friends.
one who's head is perpetually in the clouds [me ;)],
and the other's grounded in reality and practicality.
but sometimes these plans too succeed.

which plans succeed? and which fail?
i guess if you have enough faith in your plan,
and if all parties involved have faith in themselves,
and each other.
ok enough with the philosophy.
its partay time!

gone in sixty seconds ;(

is there justice in the world??? all i see are the evil triumphing. in every walk of life.
a good friend got waitlisted today for the college she soooo badly wanted to get into. and not to say she is average!!! we are talking of the next nobel prize winner for literature here!!! but anyway on amore positive note my good friends came home today. and we drowned our sorrows with movies, gossip, junk food, ice cream and of course laughing!! ;) in fact they just left now and since i was on a high thought i would write one of my more 'positive' posts.
tomorrow another good friend would be leaving to singapore and back to the grind of college and assignments. but i guess that is the cycle they call life. it hard to say goodbye. and even harder to tell that someone you love. but i guess all good things must come to an end and as they say: the show must go on. ;(

Things To Do:

Things to do before i leave town:

1. tell my friends i love them. (muah all you lovely ladies)
2. pack everything i own. not interested in coming back to live under somebody'else's (parents) rules.
3. try to take my comforter along. ( its not that big!!)
4. maybe my dog.....spotty, my fluffy cushions.......my stereo?
5. ok ok relax kidding about somethings.
6. meet accquaintences one last time. includes my family.
7. take all the latest technology that has been bestowed upon me!! ( there is a god)
8. my shoes pack them nicely
9. inform my buddies this is the age of computers hence they should keep in touch!
10. call up grandma and tell her i love her.
11. apologise to mum for bad behaviour ;(
12. kiss lava (the neighbours dog) good bye.
13. try to find a library close to home in b'lore.
14. try to buy a few last minute clothes before i go. ;)
15. kiss friends good bye. and thank them for being there for me through thick and thin.

words

i saw the movie 'shabd' (word) today. it was a different story but the movie has not been shot well. it was very ummmmm...hazy and broken? the images were not coming together in the end and the songs could have been definitley left out. ashwariya rai looked beautiful and sanjay dutt handsome. what was zayed khan's role again???
the point to post is that the movie got me thinking about the age old debate" art imitates life or life art?" have gone through this debate pretty often during my three year tenue as a literature graduate. but it has always been brushed aside like an open ended debate. i believe that life inspires our literary and imaginative world. for without living how would we know how to draw or paint or sculpt or write? if anyone else has conflicting views please free to comment. discussion leads to enlightenment!! ;)

Muse

you are the inspiration.
the emotion.
the tears.
the joy.
sorrow.
heartache, and;
the passion.

you are the story,
the song and the lyrics.
you are my life.
my breath.
you are the hope of a better tomrrow.
you are the past, present,
and the distant future.

"you are the reason my faith in tomorrow,
a distant horizon with you i must follow."- air supply feat. mehnaz

Ordinary

is it worth holding out for the 'perfect' thing?
the knight in shining armour, the dream job,
the picture-perfect life?
how does one differentitate,
between the ordinary and the extra-ordinary?
the ordinary could be the 'perfect'.
the extra-ordinary could just be masquerading as the extra something.

sometimes it is just easier giving in.
sometimes the end is worth the fight.
and somethings, sometimes donot have a conclusion.

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

i turned twenty last week
on the 12th to be exact, amidst fanfare and revelry.
ate cake, pizza and opened presents.

more importantly spent quality time with my friends.
what will i do without you???
love you much. muah to all!!!

just a lil bit... more. always.

scared shitless. yes.
scared to screw up a good up a good friendship?
well guilty as charged.
20 years and counting.
years actually lived? zlich.
you do the math.
i have always been pretty weak at it.
yeah this quite sums it up:
"i have measured my life in coffeespoons" (or something to this effect)
- 'The Love Song Of J Alfred Prufrock' -T.S Eliot

for a coffee addict that seems a fit way to go about life.
but important things are to be measured in more worthy units.
period.

sunday afternoon

yesterday i went for a play titled 'evam indrajit'. well the play was ok but the company rocked so the event remains some sort of an 'incident' not to be forgotten. the theme was existentialism, something i live for, but to sit through something that seemed to play out like the angst-ridden life i might lead was disconcerting. at many times i tried to divert my attention from the characters and the drama of their lives with humour. the play came to an abrupt halt on the note that not all of us are kamal, vimal and ummmm nirmal?? ok basically not all of us are meant to live like the dime a dozen tom-dick(and)-harry's of the world.

i am waiting for a new life to start,
can i truly break away from the old one? a fresh start?
no? i dont know? maybe. maybe not.
but the point being, the journey is what that matters right?
but, you cannot stereotype lives.
no matter the fact that we all try to fit into stereotypes.


we all have our idealistic notions of 'saving the planet'
'world peace' and what not. in fact why not!
and all of are not Miss India's, yet the dreams( read fantasy) remains.
sinking, more often than not into the mire of mundane life.
but then again maybe we can merge.
not adopt triviality, but adapt it to suit our needs.
lets be manipulative.

but completing the circle of thought,
i am waiting to start a new life.
i am hoping to leave behind the painful memories (nightmares?)
and shall we say move on??
mmmmm who am i kidding?! its more life running away.

so since i am technically going away heres a toast:
here's to the 'indrajit' in all of us.
may he rise at the most inopurtune moments
to breathe new perspective into our lives.
*clink* *clink* ;)

cresendo

slowly the momentum fades.
and i am left standing.
heaving. sweating. shaken.
illuminated against the setting sun,
frozen amidst the dense foliage.
a flash of recognition from a passerby.
a slow beat begins,
again.

the door

you left as quickly as you came,
then, why the farce of love and friendship?
no one cares but me, and,....maybe you.
distance does make the heart grow fonder,
but is it worth the heartache that comes with it?
a myriad different emotions,
a multitude of thoughts.
the door is open,
but the sign says 'donot disturb'.
what do you do?

ITS MY LIFE!

to live your life and not actually live it,
have oppurtunities stare at you and mock you,
yet having to forgo them.
ignore glaring differences 'cause you cannot solve them.
this is not life as it is meant to be lived.
its a pathetic excuse to exist.
grabbing that second chance,
i just have to say:

"its my life, i just wana live when im alive"
-Jon Bon Jovi.

lead kindly light

well the wait is over the verdict is in.
it is the world against me.
not another sob story, just my life.
but just as one door closes another opens?
there seems to be light shining through the tunnel.
but all i need to check now is whether, its another chance,
or the headlights of an oncoming train.

the contender

stagnation seems to be the theme.
burn out the feeling, or the lack of it thereof.
the fight has gone stale, the opponent just keeps coming.
i guess..... i lost.
but, guess what?? fuck the rematch.

i have or rather HAD dream

suddenly the world seems new.
brand new.
sparkling clean, lace curtains, picket fence
white. cliche? maybe.
safe? yes!
"to sleep, and perchance to dream"
dare to dream. only to have it mocked.
perseverance has lost its meaning.
the bitter after taste remains.
sour. harsh. fetid. curdling.
all that remains is a jumble,
oblivion. eternity. fantasy. reality.
xharcters in a never ending nightmare.

guess who's back?

greetings to my fellow bloggers! ;) well the week of exams, cramming, sleepless nights are all over. so i think i shall be regular in posting entries. anyway one buddy of mine has left ;(,
but well another one is on her way over here. (muah thangu) i guess that is the cyclic nature of life.
college is over and i should feel relaxed right? wrong. i'm stressed out, and im freaking out.
what next? and my relatives (read bitches) are not making life easier. atleast i have started applying and stuff so...alls well that ends well?? (please pray for me) ;)
so waht am i planing to do these two months hang with my buddy, shop!!!!, sleep. learn to drive (hopefully), dance classes, travel, and do one thing that frightns me the most. so here is the amibitious list. i have to get through atleast a few of it. that is it for now. bye tc.

beyond fear

standing in the darkness of the night,
the cool wind makes me shiver.
its a moonless night. clear, cloudless.
in the distance, the roar of the train reverberates.
i walk as if in a daze.
slowly towards the tracks.
the blinding light pierces the darkness.
pierces my soul.
sreeching sounds of the brakes.
smoke, frightened, excited cries all surround me.
time stands still.
my slashed wrists stand testimony to earlier futile attempts.
the train surges past me.
the force jolts my being.
pain engulfs me.
but, i am beyond mortal fears, pains, suffering.
the train comes to a standstill
as i watch from a distance,
above.

barsaat (rain)

its raining!
the storm clouds have arrived.
grey, heavy, laden with water.
the beauty of a freshly cleansed city scape.
even the scrap of metal holds beauty.
bright green leaves.
brown earth, multi-hued flowers.
children getiing wet.
a chilly draft, cold enough to give goosebumps.
the smell of wet earth.
hot coffee.hmmmmmmm!
this is life baby.

the creative persona's manifesto

they tell me i have no ambition.
is sitting in an airconditioned office ambition?
six-figure salaries are ambition?
creativity is'nt ambition?
in this band wagon of 9-5 jobs
with no time to breathe,
where is the time for creativity?

everything is beautiful.
beauty lies in the eye of the beholder.
all sprout these lines.
cliches!
practice what you preach.
i have no time to stand and stare,
i have miles to go before i sleep.

but the question is,
when you do sleep will you regret the miles?